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Bereavement

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Original poster

ffs i feel like i can't cope anymore but I have to.

44 replies

Lovemyshoes · 07/09/2009 21:53

I had to identify my brother 2 week ago, he'd already been dead a week. Suicide.

I'm not sleeping or eating enough, I've lost nearly 2 stone. i've had to arrange EVERYTHING. I'm drinking FAR too much alcohol and I know/feel it.

I've yet to have his cremation and scatter his ashes. Due back at work next week after 3 week off. Don't know if I can do this. Lost 2 out of 3 of the most important man in my life.

Help!

OP posts:
Original poster
Lovemyshoes · 07/09/2009 22:00

ANYONE?

OP posts:
ingles2 · 07/09/2009 22:01

oh no LMS
I really feel for you.
I feel so useless.. I'm sorry I have nothing helpful to tell you. But I'm hear to listen if you want to talk.

ingles2 · 07/09/2009 22:02

I'm here... Do you have a partner, anyone with you who can help?

weegiemum · 07/09/2009 22:02

I honestly can't help in the tiniest bit. No idea what to say or how to say it.

But didn't want you to go unread/unanswered.

Keep talking if you need to.

ingles2 · 07/09/2009 22:03

Can we help? Where abouts are you?

Harimosmummy · 07/09/2009 22:03

Sorry, I don't have anything useful to say either.

But, perhaps go to your GP and get signed off a little longer? Or talk to someoneabout how you are feeling?

Sorry

ingles2 · 07/09/2009 22:05

Are you there LMS?

Sparkletastic · 07/09/2009 22:07

No experience but I'm here too - firstly, on a practical and health note - get to your doctor. Get signed off work for longer if you can and discuss the sleeping / drinking / eating issues if you feel able to. If you can look after your body just a bit then that might help.

ingles2 · 07/09/2009 22:13

Lovemyshoes come and talk to me. I'm worried about you.

Winetimeisfinetime · 07/09/2009 22:22

So sorry to hear this Lovemyshoes.

I know something of what you are going through as I loat my db last November to suicide. It is the most awful thing I have ever experienced. The pain is dreadful, I know but you need to try and take care of yourself as Sparklestastic says.

I had to sort everything out too - his house, possessions, funeral, ashes, probate, so if there is anything that I can help you with, then I am here.

Original poster
Lovemyshoes · 07/09/2009 22:24

I'm here, just had a bit of a wobble. DC are in bed and I've send DH out for a couple of hours.

OP posts:
Original poster
Lovemyshoes · 07/09/2009 22:26

I;ve even started hiding alcohol to drink when DH is out of the house BUT I don't drink when first thing in the morning or during the day, just at night to try and help me sleep, but when I close my eyes I feel and picture him on the gurney when I help him and saw him

OP posts:
ingles2 · 07/09/2009 22:27

hello
What a hard time for you. and what a dreadful shock.
Is your Dh and dc being helpful?

BecauseImWorthIt · 07/09/2009 22:28

So sorry - but please don't use alcohol like this. Why not go and see your GP? Sounds like you could use a bit more time off, and some bereavement/grief counselling.

ingles2 · 07/09/2009 22:29

Don't be too hard on yourself. You know you re drinking too much and that hiding is a problem and as long as you keep thinking that, don't beat yourself up about drinking at night at the moment. Have you tried talking to your DH or GP about this? Why don't you make an appt tomorrow and see if you can get something to help you sleep for now?

Original poster
Lovemyshoes · 07/09/2009 22:33

DH knows I am drinking too much that is why he has stopped ALL alcohol in the house.

I am at GP in the morning and getting the rest of the week off.

DH is being AMAZING but he didn't like my DB as he was abusive to me when drunk etc, but he is always there for a kiss and cuddle etc

OP posts:
ingles2 · 07/09/2009 22:34

ah... I see.
Is that why you've sent him out?

BaDaBing · 07/09/2009 22:35

LMS,I am so very sorry for your loss. I'm not sure what to say other then how you feel is how you should feel. You are not abnormal or weak for feeling overwhelemed and like you can't cope. You are simply human and you have lost someone very very special.

You can't do this by yourself, its too hard. You need people around you and the best person to talk to, in the first instance, is your gp. Take someone with you if it makes it easier, or write it down before you go so you can be clear about how you feel re the alcohol.

Don't stop talking. Post on here as often as you need. Always people around and I will look for your posts in the days, weeks and months to come.
BDB

Original poster
Lovemyshoes · 07/09/2009 22:36

Sorry ingles, headshed, what do you mean is that why i sent him out? If it's alcohol, no, I can hide vodka easily as he can't smell it

OP posts:
ingles2 · 07/09/2009 22:38

I just wondered if you sent him out to so you can have a drink without him seeing.
Can your dh come to the GP's with you in the morning?

Original poster
Lovemyshoes · 07/09/2009 22:39

He was an arsehole, BUT he adored me and me him. His fiance has said he only talked about me and the things we used to get up to

OP posts:
Original poster
Lovemyshoes · 07/09/2009 22:39

DH will come to the docs in the morning as he has said a few time he is worried about my drinking

OP posts:
ingles2 · 07/09/2009 22:42

Well that's good. Be honest with the GP about how you feel, tell him that you can't cope atm. I'm sure he will have some
medication and hopefully some counselling that will help.

Original poster
Lovemyshoes · 07/09/2009 22:43

I just miss him so so much and didn't believe he was dead till I identified him

OP posts:
ingles2 · 07/09/2009 22:44
Sad