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Bereavement

Find bereavement help and support from other Mumsnetters. See also your choices after baby loss.

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Original poster

i am feeling so low after losing my 13 year old son

39 replies

helpmechris74 · 16/05/2009 19:22

i lost my 13 year old son 2yrs 3mths ago in an rta. feeling it very hard to cope. i put on this brave face for everyone but im not coping

OP posts:

hercules1 · 16/05/2009 19:23

Hugs to you. I have a 13 year old son and cannot imagine how you must feel. Sorry, I have nothing to suggest.

MrsMattie · 16/05/2009 19:25

Hi helpmechris74. I cannot even begin to imagine how hard this must be for you . Are you getting any support? Bereavement counselling?

My heart goes out to you xxx

TheProfiteroleThief · 16/05/2009 19:25

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

cthea · 16/05/2009 19:26

I am so sorry. It's awful to imagine, let alone try and live through it. So sorry.

clamchowder · 16/05/2009 19:27

Hi there - I am so sorry to hear that you have had to go through this. I cannot even begin to imagine how you must feel - I expect it is all still very raw. Do you have many friends and family around you and have you been for counselling? It sounds like you really need to be able to talk about this with someone - perhaps a neutral party?
Here are a few links samaritans and cruse.
Perhaps you've been to these people already but it might help to talk freshly about things now some time has passed. Thinking of you.

CrushWithEyeliner · 16/05/2009 19:28

I am so sorry for your loss. Have you had any support whatsoever?

jellybeans · 16/05/2009 19:29

I am so very very sorry for your devastating loss. No words can possibly help and I have never been through it and can only imagine the horror and sadness, but I lost 2 baby girls late in pregnancy and have grieved (still am) for them. I also put on a brave face, time helps alot and talking to others who have suffered simelar to yourself, I joined a baby loss group, I think they do one for children but not sure what it's called not sure if that would help as everyone is different. I remember my girls daily and have a bracelet ith their names on and they are always 'part of the family' although it's horrid thinking 'what should have ben' and the injustice of it all etc etc. I also tried counselling which helped abit. Anyway hope your days are more gentle soon x

ilovemydogandMrObama · 16/05/2009 19:30

Am so sorry

My dad was killed in a RTA, but obviously not at such a young age.

Was anyone held responsible?

lolaandned · 16/05/2009 19:51

my brother and his wife lost their daughter aged 12 in 1982 at the time it seemed none of us would get over it especially them but they managed to cope and you are coping too just surviving day by day is coping i know through them it is something you never get over but it is something you learn to live with and you will one day smile and laugh again without feeling a sort of sense of guilt dont be afraid to say his name out loud and keep him alive in other peoples hearts as well as your own my sincerest sympathies to you is there something like a befrienders group or something you might be interested in it may help?

stinkypants · 16/05/2009 20:16

your message has brought a tear to my eye and it makes me inspired to love my little baby boy as much as humanly possible every minute - they are so precious - i really hope you can let someone close to you know how you are feeling and let the brave face go for a while. you need support and have taken a great step in asking for it here. lots of people would love to help you if you let them know how you feel.
have you thought about finding something you could get involved with to be a lasting sort of tribute to him, eg something positive which would make you feel good and be a connection to his interests etc? i'm not too sure how to explain it. just something to be your time to think about him in a positive memory sort of way.
sending lots of hugs xxx

chegirl · 16/05/2009 20:53

Hello,

I lost my daughter 3 years ago aged 14, to cancer.

There is no coping, just surviving and getting by.

There is a thread for bereaved mums on mumsnet and you will find support there.

I am so sorry about your son.

herbietea · 16/05/2009 20:56

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

Original poster

helpmechris74 · 16/05/2009 21:02

thank you so much everyone for your kind words it helps, new to this and dont really understand the message from chegirl that says bout thread for bereaved mums.

OP posts:

stillenacht · 16/05/2009 21:04

helpmechris - i am so sorry for your loss.

chegirl · 16/05/2009 21:08

Sorry if I wasnt clear. I dont know how to post links so if anyone can help?

There is a support thread for parents who have lost children on this forum. Its very supportive.

You will find it in the bereavement section under Topics.

Sycamoretree · 16/05/2009 21:16

Helpmechris - the thread chegirl is talking about is here

I think Chegirl was trying to put you in touch with a group of mums who might have walked a mile in your shoes. Something that is on going and you can return to.

But it's not about putting you off your own thread - not at all.

My heart breaks for you. You did a good thing posting here - you will find support and kindness and understanding here on Mumsnet in abundance.

Shitemum · 16/05/2009 21:18

So sorry for your loss. This is a link to the Bereavement topic. The thread chegirl mentions is the first one, I think...
I have seen various over the months with similar titles.
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/bereavement

OrmIrian · 16/05/2009 21:20

Oh good lord

I am so so sorry.

I have as 12 yr old and he is so special. I feel for you so much.

stleger · 16/05/2009 21:24

There was a 15 year old killed near us 12 years ago. There is a little cross where it happened, and a tree outside the school my kids now go to. I always think of her when I see the cross and the tree. My thoughts are with you, I know you will find support here.

lottiejenkins · 16/05/2009 21:28

Do come and join us on the bereaved mums thread we are a friendly helpful bunch.... my son Jack died fourteen years ago aged two hours.

chegirl · 16/05/2009 21:41

No of course I wasnt suggesting you shouldnt have your own thread. Sorry if it seemed that way. I have spoken many times about my daughter on seperate threads and it has helped me a lot. I thought you may find the other thread helpful too.

Original poster

helpmechris74 · 16/05/2009 22:02

chegirl i didnt think that at all just as i say new to this and didnt know how to get into the bereavement part of this thank you so much for your kind words and i did find it helpful to post this

OP posts:

cornsilk · 16/05/2009 22:04

I'm very sorry for your loss.

chegirl · 16/05/2009 22:09

I hope you find some support here Chris. I know what a struggle this life is. I am so sorry you are finding things so hard.

bea · 16/05/2009 22:17

i cannot think of anything to say except i am heart broken for you and hope you find the support you need... make sure you follow some of the links.... hang in there....

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