died on NY Day- aged 15

[MABS]

that's it really.dd's mate was killed 2 days ago, tragic accident. She is terribly upset, how can i comfort her? thanks

[resolutions]

a young boy collapsed and died in the school yard last year and it was several minutes till teachers arrived.has affected some of them with post traumatic stress.he was 15 and all the children were there.

[kiltycoldbum]

oh mabs how terribly terribly awful, that poor boy is going to need a lot of hugging and a lot of support from his friends, encourage your daughter to be there for him, no matter how sad and angry she is it wont compare to how guilty and angry he feels with himself!

when i was 17 3 friends were killed in an accident, 2 were the only children in the family, it was truly awful, my then boyf was driving the car, it was the other drivers fault entirely but the guilt i had to watch him deal with was heartbreaking, screaming in his sleep etc for years

we would visit the scene regularly, we had to walk past it to get home, go to the cemetary, go to the church and see their plaque and go round the parents house regularly i think in keeping in touch with us it helped them feel they werent all of a sudden lost, its so so desperately hard and unreal, it does ease with time but you really never forget them. its just swimming against a tide of desperate sadness and confusion and im so sorry for your daughter and all those concerned

[resolutions]

what i hadn't realised before the school death was how much and how long afterwards it would affect them,esp the ones like my son who were near but couldn't get nearer to help properly.
both dd and ds went to funeral and helped a bit but ds got feelings of panic a few weeks afterwards and they were both v tearful for week or more.it was this time last year.
try to accept it might go on longer than you would think at first

[Ellbell]

Just a thought about Facebook. If this is something where there is likely to be Press interest, please advise your dd and her friends to make the Facebook page private. (I've never used Facebook, so don't know how to do this, but I know it can be done.) When someone I know died in tragic circumstances a year or so ago [don't want to say too much on here but it was a big news story at the time], the Press were raiding the Facebook pages of her friends for juicy quotes about her and young people who were already terribly terribly hurt were finding what they thought of as their private messages to their friend splashed all over the tabloids (sometimes attributed, sometimes not). It was very sad, and just added insult to injury, really. Sorry to put a downer on the Facebook thing...

MABS I am so sorry for your dd and her friends and all those involved. IME, young people (the ones I work with a a bit older than your dd, but even so...) are very good at 'being there' for one another. I've been very very impressed by how the people I've been involved with have supported one another, both in the immediate aftermath of what happened and in the longer term. Encourage counselling if they feel it will help, but bear in mind that they might not feel they need it now but might want to talk later. This has happened with the people I work with... a year on, some have come forward and said 'I don't feel I can keep on going over and over what happened with my friends after all this time' and have found counselling helpful at this stage as a place where it's 'OK' to talk about what happened.

I am so sorry, and am sending you much love.

[MABS]

Many thanks Ellbell, i don't know FB either, but will tell her.

[dietstartstomorrow]

My neice is going through the same (I think it may be the same case, actually).

Very sad .

She has posted on the FB page too.

[Klaw]

poor dd, Mabs, just be there for her, however many months down the line.... I still remember the boy I sat next to in science class over 25 years ago, i didn't know him very well but I still remember him and how awful i felt when we heard that he had killed himself due to his father's bullying, I still remember his name....

It will be good for her to go to funeral and say goodbye. it will help parents too, to know that he had friends who care.

parents need support, which is why I went to my friends' daughters funeral recently. I didn't really know the daughter, I went to show my friends that I achnowldege their loss.

Whether you're a parent, a child, a close friend or even a not so close friend the main thing is you need acknowledgment of your loss and that even you will go on living that loss is always there.

[LilRedWG]

So sorry Mabs. I went through this as a teenager. All I can say is hold her close and tell her it is okay to grieve.

[CharleeinChains]

I lost a very good friend when i was 13 in a car accident on NYE, i was supposed to be with her in the car but was ill, i felt guilty for ages as i was supposed to have been there so it could have been me.

I remeber the day before she said 'oh wow i have lived to see an eclipse and we will see the millenium as well, she neve rdid though as she died before she hit the road at 11.30pm

Just let her know your there for her its all you can do.

HUgs to your dd.

[ShinyPinkShoes]

Mabs. So sorry

I think being there to listen is important.
And letting her go with her feelings- cry, talk, be alone/in company as and when she feels like it.

School may well organise some counselling for students.

Much love xx

[Evenstar]

MABS you will find useful information to support your daughter on the Winstons Wish website www.winstonswish.org.uk/ there are resources there for parents and for children/young people and schools. I found it helpful when my husband died to support my children, I am thinking of you all at this difficult time.

[MABS]

thank you Evenstar,so sorry for your loss