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Bereavement

Find bereavement help and support from other Mumsnetters. See also your choices after baby loss.

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Original poster

What's happening now - MIL very very jaundiced

45 replies

MrsClausinJimmyChoos · 20/12/2008 10:05

MIL in the end stages of terminal cancer....she's getting worse by the day and the latest is that she is so jaundiced that they have said she is the colour of french mustard...obviously the liver is failing...how long can people live with severe jaundice such as this? We are bracing ourselves for the worst over the next few days..

She hasn't been going unconscious at all though, just sleeping a lot and her breathing is very rattly...not everyone goes into a coma though do they?

Any advice appreciated

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bubbles4 · 20/12/2008 10:07

sorry dont know what to say,no advice to give but just to say you and your family are in my thoughts.

scrooged · 20/12/2008 10:13

The best people to ask are the nurses/doctors caring for her. They would have seen patients with this condition at this stage before.

This must be horrible for you. My dad died the day after being admitted with a chest infection, he was sleeping alot and not breathing too well. He just went to sleep so didn't suffer. I'll be thinking of you all.

Original poster

MrsClausinJimmyChoos · 20/12/2008 10:17

Scrooged - she's in the Middle East - no mac nurses or anything. Family doing all the palliative care. Its very hard to get a Dr to take on a terminally ill patient as over there, the Drs just 'don't see the point' its very frustrating

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herbietea · 20/12/2008 10:20

This reply has been deleted

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scrooged · 20/12/2008 10:21

Ok. From my limited nursing experience, it doesn't sound like it will be long, however, every patient is different. I've heard of some that are the exception but normally once a patient is having rattling sounds when they are breathing it is a sign that their family needs to stay with them. I'm so terribly sorry.

My dad didn't go in a coma, he was given a wash by the nurse, he was awake. She went for her break and he had died whilst she was away.

WhileShosheWatchedHerFlocks · 20/12/2008 10:22

With us Mom became very jaundiced on the Friday, she was still conscious at this point, slipped into unconsciousness on the Saturday morning.

Her breath was more and more rattly, by the Monday morning she would op breathing and I was sure that was it, but she didn't actually go ill 5 .15 on the Monday evening.

Is your DH still with her?

My thoughts go out to all o you.

Original poster

MrsClausinJimmyChoos · 20/12/2008 10:23

Hello Herbie - I've been wondering how you are doing too. Yes, I can imagine that Xmas is hard for you all. Sending you love and hugs and hopefully the DCs will be a comfort to you at this time. I know my DS is keeping our spirits up by being generally funny and cute when we feel sad - I think he senses it in some way too as his tantrums have been so much better, bless him. He sang Twinkle Twinkle down the phone to her yesterday and I was so pleased she heard him sing. Its the waiting that's the hard thing and DH is all over the place....we are at the stage now where we do want it over for her sake as she has no quality of life at all

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Original poster

MrsClausinJimmyChoos · 20/12/2008 10:26

Shoshe - no, Dh isn't with her due to National Service visa issues. He's trying to pull strings to get out there which is why I'm focusing on timescales as trying to see if he would have enough time to get out there....am not so sure though given how bad the jaundice is because it means the liver has packed up and so all the toxins will be in her body....

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Original poster

MrsClausinJimmyChoos · 20/12/2008 20:53

bump for the evening crowd to see if anyone knows about the jaundice etc

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ilovelovemydog · 20/12/2008 20:56

No idea, but

(will DH be drafted into army/navy if he goes back)

Original poster

MrsClausinJimmyChoos · 20/12/2008 20:59

Lovemy - if he goes back without the appropriate permission, then yes. That's the issue at the moment. We are waiting to hear if they can pull strings to get him a visa....he maybe there next weekend all being well..BUT..is there enough time?? That's why I'm asking so many questions I guess...trying to predict it...stupid really..

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ilovelovemydog · 20/12/2008 21:05

Oh gosh, you aren't being stupid!I take it that DH is at least dual as another country wouldn't be able to draft him into their national service?

But, may I suggest, if you haven't already, see your MP? If your DH is British or at least lives in the UK, then any MP would represent him. So, the MP could raise it with the Foreign Secretary as a matter of compassion, that your DH is able to visit your mil (his mother) without fear of being drafted - that his wife and DC are in the UK?

Original poster

MrsClausinJimmyChoos · 20/12/2008 21:09

Sadly, it doesn't work like that with his Govt...his family are friends with the President's secretary (!!!!) so they are asking him if he can step in and help..the last time it was the Secretary of Defence...they are well connected so lets hope some good comes out of it! Its not what you know over there, its who you know and all that...

From a personal point of view, its all very hard as we just feel in limbo..can't plan anything...everything on hold, can't look forward to anything...I feel as if I'm on a treadmill and we are not having much support cos everyone so busy with Xmas, which is understandable but am feeling quite lonely. I bend over backwards when people around me are going through tough times and I am barely getting replies to text messages today...uff...I think I need chocolate..

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bubbles4 · 21/12/2008 12:13

How are you today?You sounded very low in your last post yesterday,I dip in and out of mumsnet most of the dat so if you need to chat or rant,feel free.

whomovedmychocolate · 21/12/2008 12:17

Hello puss - bad timing for your mil again?

In answer to your question five days is about normal because once the liver packs up completely and the bilirubin levels reach toxic capacity she will go into a coma and her brain will stop functioning properly so she'll 'forget' to do the basics like breathing. Sorry sweetie, I know you expected this but it's never nice at the end.

Original poster

MrsClausinJimmyChoos · 21/12/2008 21:31

DH managed to swing a visa...he's off there tomorrow...appreciate that he has to go blah blah blah but it was only Oct that he went for an entire month and am kind of arghh at having to go through it again...selfish and crap I know....but am so saturated with it!

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ilovelovemydog · 21/12/2008 21:40

He's got a visa where he won't have to do national service?

But sounds like this will be the last visit

whomovedmychocolate · 22/12/2008 08:04

Sorry you will be on your own with ds this christmas puss - are you going to your mums?

whomovedmychocolate · 22/12/2008 08:12

If not jump in the car and come here. We will make room and make you very welcome (we have tons of chocolate) and DD loves poking little boys in the eye!

Original poster

MrsClausinJimmyChoos · 22/12/2008 16:04

Aww thanks WMMC...have gone down to mums...am far to stressed to even cope with work and my menieres disease has kicked off again with the stress...work are not too happy, understandably so but I'm just at breaking point with all that has gone on..want normality back!!

He won't have to do national service - this time...but obviously, with the way things are, the issue of visiting his mum won't arise again I don't think...his flight takes off very soon...

I farking hate this...

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whomovedmychocolate · 22/12/2008 16:12

It will be over soon puss - hang in there

ilovelovemydog · 22/12/2008 19:19

So sad for you

But Cabot Circus has a Hotel Chocolat, if that cheers you up slightly

Original poster

MrsClausinJimmyChoos · 23/12/2008 19:28

Well he arrived ok yesterday evening....his mum had a temperature so they are giving her antibiotics...I'm not sure if its good idea if the liver has packed up?? They are medicating for everything that's coming up which again, I'm not sure we would do here?? Apparently her legs and feet are swollen which I've read is due to the circulation slowing down....but apart from that, he says she is stable. They are going to medicate for the swelling tmw...

My nerves are frigging shot. The way his sister was carrying on on Sunday, it was as if she was hours away from the end and it causes no end of upset and stress!

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ilovelovemydog · 23/12/2008 21:38

sil is a bit, um, dramatic? My uncle is the same. Has called me numerous times from the US and reported that my grandmother is hours away. Hurry. So, every time, I do. And then find out that he didn't understand the medical information given. But nevermind. Am glad grandmother isn't on death's door...

But different than your mil as your dh knows the extent of her illness.

Original poster

MrsClausinJimmyChoos · 23/12/2008 22:06

SIL is a farking bitch! She had a bad neck once so I did a care package for her...sent it out to the M.East...Radox, neck pillow etc....did not even get a thank you...

I'm very sad for DH and obv concerned, but that aside his family piss me right off!

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