What's happening now - MIL very very jaundiced

[MrsClausinJimmyChoos]

MIL in the end stages of terminal cancer....she's getting worse by the day and the latest is that she is so jaundiced that they have said she is the colour of french mustard...obviously the liver is failing...how long can people live with severe jaundice such as this? We are bracing ourselves for the worst over the next few days..

She hasn't been going unconscious at all though, just sleeping a lot and her breathing is very rattly...not everyone goes into a coma though do they?

Any advice appreciated

Hi Puss I have been thinking of you and wondering how things are.

How is your DH coping? Is he away for Christmas?

My dad is now in a hospice and I am trying to arrange compassionate leave from work and book a flight to Oz - rather difficult over Christmas as every bugger is on leave!

I wish you a peaceful Christmas

Puss I have been thinking of you

Sending you love and strength

Sidge, am really sorry to hear about your Dad - please feel free to CAT me if you want to talk offline or anything. Fingers crossed you can get a flight to Oz!

Yes, DH is away for Xmas and most likely new year as well. He text me today - he said no change but that she is very tired. Am so angry with SIL as the way she was carrying on Sunday on the phone, we thought she was hours from death and DH wouldn't make it in time. I'm totally flummoxed...she's had the rattle for over a week and been severely jaundiced for over a week..all the signs point to the end but...the waiting is soooooo stressful!!!!

it is a very difficult and stressful time for you all, in my limited experience it can be hard to predict the end, so many times we were told Steve would not get throu the day, we did the girls bithday 2 weeks early cos we were told he wouldn't make it, he did make it thou he was in a coma, we were told he would die on the Thursday, he didn't he died on the Monday, it really is impossible to tell, I know the waiting is hard, made even harder by the distance, I wish you and your family peace.

so sorry , puss

my grandma died in April from cancer, the few days before she died she seemed a little confused, she was not sure who we were, that got a little worse and she stopped eating/drinking, although she had only been taking small amounts anyway. the day before she died my mum had met with teh Mac. nurse to discuss new meds as grandma was not able to swallow the bigger tablets. she died peacefully in her sleep the following day, with no coma or further complications. she had been checked on and was still breathing, and checked a couple of hours later and had passed away, quite, quite peacefully.

i think it is so hard to predict with any accuracy and i pray she finds a peaceful end too.

thinking of you xx

Thanks Puss, I appreciate your good wishes. Sadly only those of us on this journey (or those who have been there) really understand it. It's so incredibly stressful and emotionally exhausting - Dad is up and down very much like your MIL. One minute he seems at death's door, and the next day the medication he's on seems to be helping and he's quite perky when I speak to him.

I have a flight to Oz booked now, I leave on Saturday. I had to make the decision whether to go now and see him, or go for the funeral as I can't do both. So hard

I hope you've had a peaceful Christmas and it wasn't too hard with your DH away.

Sidge,

I hope you get there in time to see your Dad. For me, I would want to be there to tell him how much I love him and to hold his hand again whilst he is still able to hear and to feel it. Really, the funeral is for everyone else isn't it? I just know that if I had had to make that choice for either my dad or Step-Dad, I would always have chosen to see them before the end. Luckily, I didn't have to make a choice as they were both close enough, geographically, for me to do both. But I am so glad I was able to see them and hold them one last time before they went. So very, very, for you.

Sidge - really glad you managed to get a flight and hope you have a safe journey.

Haven't heard much from DH at all...except that she is on the morphine now and the dosage last night did not last very long. She is very sensitive to touch and apparently, not very happy at all. The family are going through hell...I know they want an end to it as every day that she is going through this, they are suffering with her. I really want this over with now - her quality of life is just pants..

Sidge - just posting in case you can get on here from Oz - did you arrive ok? How are things? Thinking of you

Hi Puss and Sayit - posting here from sunny Oz. (38 degrees yesterday!)

I got here Sunday evening local time and saw Dad, he is in the hospice and it's lovely. So peaceful and calm and they are treating him very well. It's bizarre as he is so changeable, his tumour is massive (I looked at his scans) and his symptoms are worsening, but as they change his drugs he seems to get 'better' but of course we all know he isn't better at all really, it's just the drugs masking his symptoms. He's very weak and confused but has moments of lucidity so we can chat and joke but then an hour later is asleep.

I spoke to his doctor on Monday and asked for him to have better pain relief (he was only on paracetamol/codeine) but as he was being the strong bloke and telling them he was ok I don't think they really knew how much pain he was having. Luckily being a nurse I knew what to say so now he has a fentanyl patch (morphine brought him out in a very itchy rash) and is much more comfortable.

It's emotionally exhausting riding this rollercoaster, as you never know when you go to visit him what you will find. Luckily (?) he is in the right place as at home he just wasn't safe, wandering, falling and confused. I think he probably has another week or two as his tumour is massive and growing so quickly. That is very hard to face

Puss I am so sorry your MIL is in pain. Your DH must be so exhausted and I bet you wish you could be there with him. Sometimes you wish for the end just so it will all be over and there will be no more suffering for her. It is so very painful seeing someone you love suffer so much

I wish you peace and strength and hope that her end is quiet and quick.

Sidge - glad you got there ok. Please feel free to CAT me if you want any advice or just to off load. Also, Macmillan do a fantastic chat forum where you can offload too - have been on there a lot lately and met some lovely people.

Sadly MIL passed away this morning. A relief really as she was suffering - I really wish they had had hospice care as my DH and BIL/SIL have gone through the mill with this

So sorry for you all

Rest in peace for your loved one

So sorry too.
I hope the end was peaceful for her, Puss.
Sidge, I have been on that rollercoaster too, it is so hard. Thinking of you all.

So sorry to hear this news MrsCJC - wishing you all strength at this time xxxx

So sorry to hear that MCJC, but you must all take comfort in the fact that she is no longer suffering.
Of course you will all be sad that she is no longer here but like you said in an earlier post, her quality of life was pants.

Thinking of you and your family

Oh Puss I'm so sorry for your loss.

Wishing you love and strength as you enter the next phase of this terrible journey; I will CAT you when I get home if that's OK and see how you're doing. I'll be thinking of you and your DH.

Sidge - no worries. I'll even give you my mobile number if you feel you need it for those stressy moments when you can't get to a PC

So sorry to hear your sad news, but glad that MIL is no longer in pain. I've been following your story and really have felt for you all. Much love and peace to you and yours.

MCJC:

Sidge: glad you are there with your dad. I bet he is glad too.