Tomorrow is my husband’s funeral (trigger warning)

[Oldblower]

Tomorrow is my husband’s funeral.

We met in 1988, so long ago.

At the start of this year he was fine, happy even. Then mental health problems came along, out of the blue, then rapidly got out of control. After multiple hospital admissions and the system failing him, a month ago he jumped in front of a train. I hope it was quick.

I’ve been so brave/resilient/stoic/amazing (all quotes) so far, but I’m sitting here wondering how the hell I get through my eulogy tomorrow.

Thank you for listening.

So very sorry for your loss 💐

Oh shit, I’m so sorry.

I am so sorry. Do you have someone who can be back up if it gets too much for you?

I hope you have support in real life day to day 💐

Christ I'm so sorry, what a terrible ordeal. I hope you have lots of support around you

how awful. I’m so sorry. X

I'm so sorry OP. That must have been an awful shock.

One day at a time. If you can't face reading anything out tomorrow. The celebrant will do it for you.

How terribly sad. I'm so very sorry. Do you have to do the eulogy, is there someone who could do it for you?

This is so sad. Please take a friend up with you when you read it who can take over if needed

Sending you all the love and strength you need to honour your husband tomorrow. Don’t forget to look after yourself as well x

I'm very sorry for your loss.
Can you ask someone else to speak ?
I could not deliver my DH`s , the Humanist Officiant did it.

I wonder if you could talk to someone close and ask them to be a back up for saying it for you if you can't manage it. Just to help you feel a little better going into it, like there's a plan. I'm sorry for your loss xx

Sorry for your loss. 💐

How absolutely awful, that is a massive amount to go through. Unless you feel you need to put a brave face on tomorrow, don't even try. I went through something terrible a few years ago although it couldn't be compared to what has happened to you, the best advice I got was to get used to the pain as much as possible.

It will hurt, and you may fall apart a bit. Can you surround yourself with people who love you, and are able to see things from your perspective? A person's funeral is of course about them, but those left behind need support whilst they grieve, especially on the day itself.

Thinking of you.

Thanks everyone. Amazing to see so many lovely replies so quickly.

I have a friend lined up to take over, but I feel like I need to do it myself to do him justice.

It’s just all getting quite real now. Went to view his body this morning and broke my heart last night writing the letter to put in the coffin.

And I’m very lucky in that I have a whole tribe of amazing friends.

I am so sorry for your loss.

You don't need to 'put yourself through it' to 'do him justice' in any way. That is just not a thing. You will need all your strength to put one foot in front of the other tomorrow, the next day, the day after, the following week, the following month, and so on.
Ask the celebrant to read the tribute you have so lovingly put together.
It is the best thing to do.
Look after yourself. Good to hear you have a lot of love surrounding you.

I read at my DH's funeral (he died almost four months ago) but the tribute was read by our parish priest. I wouldn't have got through it.

I'm so sorry for your loss. That's a terrible shock.

People will help you. A friend, a family member, have them lined up and primed in case you just can't face it (there's no shame in that if it's what you need).

It's also part of the celebrant's job to support you by taking over the reading of the eulogies if the person concerned is unable to continue.

Please accept all offers of help, and be kind and gentle to yourself too.

I am so sorry you lost your husband - that's heart breaking, especially given the way he died.
I don't think anyone would expect you to read the eulogy, would they? I would ask someone else to do it in your name. I'm so sorry, what an awful thing to go through.

So sorry for your loss. Thinking of you tomorrow and sending strength and love .

It won’t be easy but see it as the final tribute for him, the last act of love. I’m so sorry for your loss and the suffering your husband went through. Sending you strength to get through tomorrow.

I am so sorry for your loss x

I am so sorry, I have no words for what you are going through. I hated all those brave/amazing/strong words when DH came home to die (we had very limited outside support as it was lock down) although I knew those words came from a place of love and support. I was none of those things, I just did what any of us would have to do to get us through.

I found pushing my tongue firmly up onto the roof of my mouth helped me steady the tears and allowed me to get through DH's. I couldn't make eye contact with anyone either so fixed on a spot somewhere at the back of the room.

I'm so sorry for your loss.

Wishing you the strength you need to get through the funeral.

I'm sorry for your loss. I couldn't read at my husband's funeral so my lovely brother in law did. I don't think anyone will think about who reads your words, - the love you have for your husband shines through in the post you have written here and people will surely hear that, whoever reads the eulogy. See how you feel tomorrow, you can always change your mind. I hope tomorrow goes as you would want it to x