Tomorrow is my husband’s funeral (trigger warning)

[Oldblower]

Tomorrow is my husband’s funeral.

We met in 1988, so long ago.

At the start of this year he was fine, happy even. Then mental health problems came along, out of the blue, then rapidly got out of control. After multiple hospital admissions and the system failing him, a month ago he jumped in front of a train. I hope it was quick.

I’ve been so brave/resilient/stoic/amazing (all quotes) so far, but I’m sitting here wondering how the hell I get through my eulogy tomorrow.

Thank you for listening.

I am so sorry for your loss and the tragic circumstances surrounding it . Be kind to yourself , you can only do what you can and do your best - even if in your mind that is not “ doing justice” to his memory .

A funeral is a stage of mourning and no one would at all think bad of you if you can’t manage everything including a eulogy for him . Please surround yourself with friends / family for support tomorrow but also take time away if that is what you need at any given moment . There is no right or wrong way to grieve and just take it hour by hour and I hope you also have someone who can be with you when the funeral part is over .

Try and keep your strength up by making sure you are hydrated and eating little and often . Take care x

I second the advice to fix on a spot and not make eye contact while reading. Go through it several times tonight and tomorrow to try and desensitise yourself. Almost try not to think about what you’re reading if that makes sense - don’t dwell on the meaning at the time of reading or you may become overwhelmed. Best of luck tomorrow.

That's horrendous. Sending you strength x

I’m so so sorry. Whatever happens today with the eulogy is ok x

Sending you positive thoughts about the eulogy.

No one will mind if you can't get through it, be kind to yourself.

Oh love.

It isn’t a performance, it is a conversation with people who love you and loved your DH, so ther is no pressure to get it ‘right’ No right or wrong. If you stop, cry, go off script, hand it to your friend to read, all fine.

There is no ‘letting your DH down’ , everything that happens happens because of your love for him.

Bravery doesn’t make you invincible or take away your feelings, but can be a prop to help you through.

Be proud of your wonderful husband, and tell your friends and family all the things you wish to say in your Eulogy.

Ongoing strength to you x

Well I think you're incredibly brave for even thinking about doing it. My husband's funeral was almost 7 years ago to the day, and I knew I wouldn't be able to read it and stay composed even though I am used to public speaking. So decided to take the pressure of myself by not planning to do it. I wrote it and asked my brother read it for me - for which I am incredibly grateful. So please don't beat yourself up if you are not able to go through with it (just make sure you have someone ready to step in), but at the same time well done for getting this far. It will all be fine, even though it doesnt feel like it now. xx

I’m so sorry for your loss.

I had to read a eulogy for a much much loved relative recently and was terrified I would faint, fall, make a fool of myself in some way. I received a brilliant bit of advice: ‘it doesn’t matter if you can’t do it, if you hand it over to someone to finish it or even start it’. It completely took the pressure off.

My best friend stood with me and I was able to finish it but I couldn’t turn the pages as I was shaking too much. She did that for me.

I know you will have had the funeral by now - I hope it went smoothly and you are able to have some peace and rest. Take care of yourself and let others look after you too.

I’m so sorry for your loss @Oldblower

Thank you everyone, you’re all lovely. So I’m in Australia so the funeral is all over. I got through it and it was a bloody good funeral if I say so myself. After the wake a small group of us took the remaining coffin flowers to the beach at sunset, sang and danced to Wuthering Heights and threw the flowers into the sea. He’d have loved it.

Thank you for helping me get through last night.

Thinking of you, OP. Wishing you strength in the coming weeks and months xx

@Oldblower , I’m so dreadfully sorry for your loss.
Is there someone who could stand with you and hold your hand and be able to take over if you can’t carry on? No one there will expect you to give some type of performance and you can be sure that they will understand if you are struggling, please don’t put pressure on yourself to be perfect. I will think of you tomorrow and send strength. 💐

@Oldblower I’m so pleased your husband had such a lovely send off. Now please be kind to yourself and remember to take care of yourself too.

So pleased @Oldblower - well done.