How do people cope with the first days after losing a child

[BrightBiscuit]

My 12 year old daughter passed away yesterday afternoon after a long illness with many ups and downs. The end came so quickly though and I wasn’t prepared/ wasn’t ready. Of course no one would ever be ready but although I knew it was happening, my brain wouldn’t let me accept it so when the time came it was still a shock if that makes sense. I just can’t take it in and I’m suffering immensely. My whole body is shaking, I’m struggling to regulate my breathing, can’t eat, can’t sleep, can’t think and have cried non stop. I am on my own in bed at the moment and have found this forum which is distracting my brain for a few minutes as I type. I’m wondering if anyone who has been through similar can tell me when this initial agony might wear off enough for me to function at a basic level. I’m considering asking my GP for some help but I’ve never taken any type of antidepressant/anxiety medication before and having read some horror stories online about it making people feel worse I’m scared to even try. Can anyone recommend any that have worked for them? I keep thinking I can hear her voice or hear her moving around the house or see her at the corner of my eye and I keep forgetting she’s gone for a split second and go to tell her something. Is this a normal reaction? How do people cope with all this?

OP my heart is breaking for you. I'm so so sorry for the loss of your beautiful, funny, brave daughter. May she rest in peace. I'd just echo what other posters have said but also wanted to send you love and strength xx

I'm so sorry. I have nothing to add except to echo others.
I think it would be reasonable to ask the GP for some diazepam or other quick acting drug to numb you slightly while you get through the next few days. Then you can think about something a bit more long acting. I know we often try to soldier on and organise, work, do practical things to just 'get on' but sometimes just getting away from yourself is helpful and something to get you through short term is useful.
Nothing similar but when my parents died I was young (for both, each in horrific ways) I busied myself and the grief has surfaced years later with my body keeping count. I wish I had taken time to slow.
Very important (especially if you have medication in the house) to talk to someone if you feel like 'i just want to see them again'.
Do you have a responsibility to any one else ? Family? An appointment you need to keep? Is someone coming round at a certain time?
Arrange something to keep time flowing and give you a target to meet .

I'm so sorry.
I didn't sleep for 3 nights after ds's death and got zopiclone from GP. Took 3 half tablets and that made me sleep for the rest of the week.
I didn't want visitors, cards or flowers and thankfully everyone took note.
My friend sent Cook meals which were a godsend and after 3 days I forced myself for walks, shuffling along like someone 20 years old.
It's awful. Truly awful.
No one knows what to say to you.
Sending love x
Its truly awful

I’m so sorry for your loss of your precious girl.

I think you just need to survive each minute while accepting it is pure pain. It took us several weeks to understand we had to feel the intense pain of every day. I was just looking for ways to make it better and easier and for someone to tell me it would get better and easier in a set time frame. It’s about accepting that life is going to be so hard and awful and feeling those feelings. I would strongly recommmend not asking for anti depressants at this stage, this is not what they are for. There is a risk of desensitising and then having a knock on later down the line. The feelings of deep sadness are completely appropriate. A few months down later then maybe, but for now it would make no sense (this is my line of work). If you can’t sleep then sleeping tablets can help if you just need to switch off, and to help avoid alcohol or other habits.

It has been nearly 6 years for us and life is mostly good. He will never leave my thoughts but life isn’t constant pain as hasn’t been for many years now. Wishing you strength over these coming months.

This book really helped us in the very early days:
Link to book

Just wondering how you are OP…thinking of you x

I have been thinking of you often since I first read your post. I’m not going to ask if you’re doing ok, because that wouldn’t be helpful. I simply wanted to send my love and say that this stranger was thinking of you and your family x