Active discussions

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Bereavement

Find bereavement help and support from other Mumsnetters. See also your choices after baby loss.

Original poster

I went for first session of counselling today. Felt a bit awkward. Is this normal?

30 replies

Bubble99 · 11/04/2008 19:20

That's it really. It might be because I was a nurse up until a few years ago and so used to being the listener, but I found it difficult.

OP posts:
scorpio1 · 11/04/2008 19:21

it is weird, yes. Gets better the next time you see them because they are now familiar iyswim .

Original poster
Bubble99 · 11/04/2008 19:29

Thanks. I met her for half an hour last week but that was to talk about what I wanted to get out of the sessions, IYSWIM.

Felt odd today. I sat down and felt odd like I didn't know what she expected me to do.

OP posts:
scorpio1 · 11/04/2008 19:30

i know, and sometimes you don't know if you are saying the right thing iyswim, but just let the words flow.

ladytophamhatt · 11/04/2008 19:33

I would imagine ALOT of people feel like that to start with bubble.
I've never had councelling but I expect thats completely normal....

I hope it feels better soon.

xxx

Original poster
Bubble99 · 11/04/2008 19:35

I suppose I need to get used to the idea that the room is a safe place to let it all out.

I do feel like a can of worms, tbh - and I think I'm a bit scared to open the lid.

OP posts:
francagoestohollywood · 11/04/2008 19:35

Do you feel that you feel odd because you are scared or becuase you don't feel comfortable with her as a person? (sorry if I'm getting totally wrong)

francagoestohollywood · 11/04/2008 19:36

sorry x posted

Original poster
Bubble99 · 11/04/2008 19:37

Thanks, LTH.

I think I've got that usually crap but sometimes helpful stiff upper lip thing.

OP posts:
windygalestoday · 11/04/2008 19:39

my dh saw a counsellor after he lost his own mum he felt v awkward talking about it too.

I dont know your circumstnces but i wonder if being a nurse has made you shrink back from your own problems and hold them in? and i expect youve seen many many sad things that just build up and make what is already a dreadful situation totally horrendous?I hope it works out for you .

Original poster
Bubble99 · 11/04/2008 19:39

I'm scared of what may come out. I feel that she's the right counsellor for me. She has children, albeit grown up (that was important to me.) It's just the opening up thing I feel strange about.

OP posts:
ChocolateRockingHorse · 11/04/2008 19:41

Bubble I think that's normal at this stage but you do need to feel you can develop something of a rapport with the counsellor and sometimes this won't be with the first one you see. Counselling is, by it's nature, uncomfortable because it makes you dig and delve into your innermost thoughts in order to resolve them. I used to sit and shake like a leaf, sometimes, no idea why.. just a reaction. Always felt better afterwards, if a little "spacey and stirred up" for want of a better description!

And if you were a "nurse who listened" you were a hell of a lot better than most, who seem to not have the time or inclination, or either! I watch Casualty sometimes and think it's so unreal because the nurses actually seem to care/have time to ask/find out what is bothering their patients, other than the obvious illness or ijury!

Original poster
Bubble99 · 11/04/2008 19:49

I worked for a few years as a Marie Curie nurse, looking after people who were dying at home - so I think that's why it feels strange to be on the other side.

You're right. I suppose I just need time to feel 'safe' with her.

OP posts:
ladytophamhatt · 11/04/2008 19:53

Silly me, at the hope it feels better soon thing.

I hope you know waht I mean..I know it won't feel better but I hope it ...

Oh bugger...I'm so rubbish at thes words.

I'm sure the conselling will get better and I hope at the end of it you come away feeling that you got as much from it as you need.

I'll give you a very rare LTH {{{HUG}}}.

Mhamai · 11/04/2008 19:58

Bubble99 it will take time to build a realtionship with your counsellor but always trust your gut instincts, you have said you feel ok with this counsellor so trust your intuition. A therapeutic relationship is indeed different from other relationships.

It's perfectly normal to feel the way you do. If it's any comfort, your feelings are paramount so regardless of how you feel, they are your feelings.

Good luck with your counselling btw.

francagoestohollywood · 11/04/2008 20:10

Bubble, the fact that you already feel comfortable with your counsellor is already a good start. I really hope you'll get all you wish from this.
It is scary having to unveil your feelings and let everything out. I have started seeing a therapist and I started feeling "cool' etc. Yesterday I had to fight back the tears.
(and great admiration from me for having been a Marie Curie nurse)

Mhamai · 11/04/2008 20:18

Also I'm a trainee psychotherapist and after three years of therapy I still manage to squirm sometimes. That's supposed to make you feel better btw.

It will get easier.
I also feel that because of your own natural incline towards being empathic will help you greatly in your counselling, although it may not feel like it to begin with.

Again best of luck.

windygalestoday · 11/04/2008 20:27

bubble we had a lot of support from the marie curie nurses -you have my respect,it takes a very special person to take the burden the marie curie nurses bear.

Original poster
Bubble99 · 11/04/2008 20:39

Thanks all.

I enjoyed my time with Marie Curie. I had to leave because my dad was dying and it all felt too close to home. That or Mac nursing is something I'd like to go back to at some point in the future.

I'm pleased to hear that the feeling awkward thing is not uncommon. I told the counsellor in a very clinical way the things/feelings that I want to get sorted out but I now have to go back and spill them. Some and probably most of the stuff relates to Bo's death but there is other stuff from my childhood and I know it will be messy. That's what I'm feeling uncomfortable with -laying it all out.

OP posts:
Original poster
Bubble99 · 11/04/2008 20:40

Just re-read. Enjoyed is the wrong word. I found Marie Curie work very rewarding.

That's better.

OP posts:
windygalestoday · 11/04/2008 20:41

bubble im not being nosey (well not deliberately so) is bo your daughter??

Original poster
Bubble99 · 11/04/2008 20:45

My son. He was a healthy, full-term twin who died during a medically negligent labour.

That's what hurts so much - that he shouldn't and wouldn't have died if people had done their jobs even half properly.

OP posts:
WendyWeber · 11/04/2008 20:48

Oh, Bubble - hope the counselling will help you.

How is Mr Bubble?

Original poster
Bubble99 · 11/04/2008 20:49

He's OK. Sad that I'm sad IYSWIM. He 'digests' things better than me.

OP posts:
windygalestoday · 11/04/2008 20:50

bubble i have ptsd (apparently) due to losing my mum at a young age 11 and a bad period after that then my ds1 was born overdue and he wasnt brething he was 0 on his pgr he was in scbu and they thought he had brain damage and cp we were told he wouldnt survive the next 12 hours he did and im so very grateful hes healthy handsome 14 yr old but i still could cry at how thise lovely dys were stolen in a mix of incubators and heart monitors so i can totally understand your anguish,im sorry that happened to you.

Mhamai · 11/04/2008 20:55

Bubble, you are incredibly brave and if it's bereavement counselling there will be stages of grief to process, perhaps childhood grief but go gentle on yourself. To have even attended your first session speaks volumes of how much you have done.

There is no specific a to z. Go at your own pace and if your counsellor is as good as he sounds she will help you a lot in this regard. Always trus your intuition because as cliched as it sounds you really do hold the answers.

As counsellors, we are there to share part of that journey, a very priveldged part of that journey with you.

Swipe left for the next trending thread