How long do you remember? scared of forgetting

[Applebobbins]

My dad passed earlier this year, but I can still remember so vividly what it feels like to have a hug from him. The feel of his leather(ish) jacket on the side of my face, and hear his voice. I still feel young at 43 and the idea that now I only have these memories to carry for such a long stretch of my life feels daunting. Is this possible? I’m worried I’ll forget these precious memories.

I’m 17 years on and still remember her smell, voice, face and think of her probably every day.

You won’t forget, sweetheart. It will start to feel a bit less like drowning when you remember, as time passes. More sweet and less bitter. And there will be the joy of discovering memories you thought you had forgotten, when you visit a place or smell a scent or hear a song… I’m sorry it’s so scary right now. It won’t always feel this way.

I still remember the sound of my brothers voice, his laugh, his voice, his inflections, his hand gestures, his mannerisms as if they're live, tangible things even now 11 years on.

I too, was so scared I'd forget him. But every so often I'll meet someone who might have the same hands as him, or laughs in the same way, and I'm instantly transported to a memory where I can "feel" him, smell his aftershave and it's like he's there.

I'm so sorry you're going through this. All I know is that when someone is imprinted into the very core of your soul, as your father is, there is no way to forget him. And as you progress further down the road, those memories won't hurt as much when they come to mind. Yes, they may still bring tears to your eyes, but the grief won't be so raw that you want to protect yourself from it. ❤️❤️

I have these thoughts still
Dad died last year and I was 28 and I worry I'll forget what it's like to have him around /his voice etc

My dear GM died when I was 23 and I'm 50 now. I can still remember her perfume, the softness of her skin and her breathing when I cuddled up to her. You honestly never forget that love. Sorry for your loss.

Hi @Applebobbins i'm so sorry for your loss xx
My dad passed away 9 years ago and i still remember so many things. You won't forget, you'll always have those memories xx

You will probably also dream about him . I dream about my mum and it brings me great comfort.
Sorry for your loss.

I wasn’t especially close to my grandad but when my son (who has his name) hugs me really tight, I can remember his really tight hugs too.

My Mum recorded an hours consultation with an oncologist 12 days before she died. Her cancer was terminal but no one expected that speed as evidenced by the consultation ending giving her three weeks to think about the options. Mum recorded it for me as I couldn't be there and she was concerned she'd forget something that was said.

I plucked up the courage to listen to it the other day. 15 months after she died. It was a surreal experience and just like she was still here but in a different room.

My mother died 42 years ago and my father died 12 years ago. I was 11 and 41 and I'm now 53.

There isn't a day that passes where I don't think of them and remember something about them. Only this morning I was putting on lipstick and told my daughter that my "lippystick" was running low and needed to replace it. That was my mother's word for it. Her first language wasn't English. As I was washing my face, I saw glimpses of my father's eyes in mine. It was nice.

I'm sorry for your loss, OP.

Trust me, you'll never forget.

Thank you all for sharing your precious precious memories of your loved ones, they are each so heartbreakingly beautiful. It gives me such hope and comfort that these memories can last a lifetime… and that new memories can also be uncovered as time goes on. Thank you all so much.

I'm going to possibly throw a wrench in the works here, but I don't remember physical stuff from my mum, scent might trigger but I can't remember her voice. She died 33 years ago. But the fact I don't have these memories doesn't make me a bad person or my remembrance of her any less. So if there is stuff you start to forget please don't panic and think it means you will forget it all. There will be other things that help you remember.
I will admit to being very envious of people who lose loved ones in the age of mobile phones. I'd love to have an audio recording of her.

My mum died 26 years ago and I can still remember exactly what she said when she rang me ' hi Ling it's mum! Her voice comes flooding back.
I also have dreams that she is in. It's always very normal and matter of fact and I find this so comforting too.

20 years and 10 years on here, the memories help so much. I would warn you, there may be an upsetting time when you realise you can no longer “hear” their voices in daytime - but you do in dreams. The memories can bring solace, and you become even more shaped by them. Oh, and never feel wrong for grieving - too many people who have been lucky enough not to lose loved ones think you should be over it by 1/5/10 years, just be you. I’m sorry for your loss.

You won’t forget, sweetheart. It will start to feel a bit less like drowning when you remember, as time passes. More sweet and less bitter. And there will be the joy of discovering memories you thought you had forgotten, when you visit a place or smell a scent or hear a song… I’m sorry it’s so scary right now. It won’t always feel this way.

This.

Oddly, someone was recently asking for "bad jokes" and my Dad's "signature bad joke" was suggested. I could see / hear him clear as day delivering it, and we lost him 20+ years ago.

It's 19 yrs since my dad died - I still remember everything about him. The pain of losing him had faded but he still lives on in our memories. Very often I think or say OMG what would he think of this or that?! He was into tech in the 70's but the rise of smartphones etc would have left him mindblown!
I have dreams sometimes where he is still alive -he was a great dad and I'll never forget him. I'm happy DH knew him well even though DS was just a tot when he died. One of my nephews is a few years older than DS and I heard him once describing Dad as - 'a good guy- not a baddie!' to my then 6 yr old.
You won't forget him - you will get to the stage where you look very fondly back- but I know it's hard and cruel at first

I think of my dad daily. He died 18 months ago. I can’t conjure up his voice, but my kids do a really good impression of him so that helps!

You won't forget him ❤️

As PP said, it's different for everyone. The essence of the person will stay with you. What exactly stays at the front of your memories will be different for everyone.

I can recall exact moments and conversations with my dad, all across my life.

I've half-forgotten elements of his very difficult illness which went on for years.

There's a bit of kindness & self-preservation in that.

I lost my mum about 18 months ago. I remember so clearly the feel of the skin on her wrist when I sat with her and held her hand in hospital. I visited her in the chapel of rest afterwards and deliberately didn't touch her skin as I wanted to remember how she felt when she was alive. I try to remember how her skin felt every day, I'm so scared to forget. I'm sorry.

I'd say it took about a year until I stopped automatically reaching for my phone to tell her about things that had happened during my day. I haven't forgotten and still desperately wish I could share these things with her, but that automatic reaction has definitely faded now I think.

I had a phone call from my best friend’s sis the night before she died, pre-warning me she didn’t have long left. I spent the most wretched night, unable to sleep, worrying myself senseless how on earth would I remember the things only she and I knew about. Around 6am an immense peace came over me. I knew there was nothing important I would forget. I later learnt that was the time she passed away. It’s 23 years on now. I promise I’ve never once forgotten anything I wanted to remember about us.,

I mean this with the utmost kindness... I would give anything to have a 'normal' memory of my sibling. He was so ill when he died, his face, body, voice, smell - all gone and that's somehow overwritten all of my memories of him. I would (very gently and lovingly) encourage you to sit with the memories you have rather than worrying about when they will disappear, because sometimes they disappear in front of your eyes. I'm so sorry for your loss and hope this comes across as I've meant it to.

The ones you have loved never truly leave. They are woven into the fabric of your life. Every so often, their thread glimmers through to the top of the fabric. Some more than others 💐

You've made me cry. I wanted to say the exact same thing. Her soft skin is my abiding memory.

Thank you. And clearly OP, that means we never forget.

You won't forget, he will always be part of you in your memories. Dad died 22 years ago. I puya small memory box together as I feared the same thing. I still remember him and the others I've lost so vividly.

I am so, so sorry for your loss.