Page 2 | How long do you remember? scared of forgetting

Applebobbins · 2023-08-04T20:26:14+00:00

My dad passed earlier this year, but I can still remember so vividly what it feels like to have a hug from him. The feel of his leather(ish) jacket on the side of my face, and hear his voice. I still feel young at 43 and the idea that now I only have these memories to carry for such a long stretch of my life feels daunting. Is this possible? I’m worried I’ll forget these precious memories.

Nat6999 · 05/08/2023 04:10

I'm 8 years on from losing my dp & I can still feel what it was like to hug him & the sound of his voice.

magicalkitty · 05/08/2023 07:55

I heard a saying that when you remember something you are not remembering what happened, you are remembering the last time you remembered it. Memories and recollections change over time. It's like when you remember a scene in a film you saw a while ago, but then you see the film again and it's slightly different from what you remembered.

milkyway1 · 05/08/2023 22:42

It doesn't matter what you forget, you'll always remember the most important bits about the person you're missing.
My DM died several years ago and when I look through old family albums I re-remember the places we've been and the things that we did, but that stuff isn't what mattered.
I remember her love and her kindness and her laugh and her joy.
Even though it's been years and the pain & grief have lessened enormously I still think of her every day, dream of her often and missing her is the only thing that makes me cry.
Reading this you would think I was incredibly close to my mum, strange thing, I wasn't particularly, not compared to lord of mothers & daughters, but since she's gone I realise I'll never have a love and a connection like that. She was my home.

medianewbie · 27/08/2023 13:08

This is a beautiful thread xxx. I hope it brings you comfort OP. It has for me.

Ollifer · 27/08/2023 13:14

I was 20 when my parents died, I'm now 31. I still remember everything about them, their voices, the scent of their clothes, their smiles. It's all there in my head like it was yesterday. I hope I never forget.

Sorry for your loss op.

Birdienumnumm · 01/09/2023 12:11

milkyway1 · 05/08/2023 22:42

It doesn't matter what you forget, you'll always remember the most important bits about the person you're missing.
My DM died several years ago and when I look through old family albums I re-remember the places we've been and the things that we did, but that stuff isn't what mattered.
I remember her love and her kindness and her laugh and her joy.
Even though it's been years and the pain & grief have lessened enormously I still think of her every day, dream of her often and missing her is the only thing that makes me cry.
Reading this you would think I was incredibly close to my mum, strange thing, I wasn't particularly, not compared to lord of mothers & daughters, but since she's gone I realise I'll never have a love and a connection like that. She was my home.

“She was my home” 😭

Birdienumnumm · 01/09/2023 12:13

daisydalrymple · 05/08/2023 01:44

I had a phone call from my best friend’s sis the night before she died, pre-warning me she didn’t have long left. I spent the most wretched night, unable to sleep, worrying myself senseless how on earth would I remember the things only she and I knew about. Around 6am an immense peace came over me. I knew there was nothing important I would forget. I later learnt that was the time she passed away. It’s 23 years on now. I promise I’ve never once forgotten anything I wanted to remember about us.,

This is beautiful. That you’re holding all your secrets now. You should write about them (and let me know if you publish because I’d want to read them).

midgemadgemodge · 01/09/2023 12:16

I can still hear my grandad and see him
40 years

CrepuscularCritter · 01/09/2023 12:20

I am sorry for your loss.

My mum died ten years ago. I can still remember her hug, the lilt in her voice when she called me by the nickname only she used, and the feel of her curls (deeply envied by me). It stays. And the acute pain mellows to a warm memory. Isn't there some saying that memories help us embrace again the ones we love and lost?