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Bereavement

Find bereavement help and support from other Mumsnetters. See also your choices after baby loss.

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Original poster

Today I have CPR to a stranger

60 replies

Summer135 · 27/02/2020 22:09

One of the worst experiences of my life. It didn't end well but we did everything we could and acted fast. I can't stop thinking about it and what he looked like lying there. I don't know how to feel. I'm having a gin and trying not to over think things. I just happened to be a walker passing by.

First response team are amazing people. I don't know how they do their jobs daily but they are superhero's without the capes.

It's weird how you quickly become part of a situation you never thought you would be in and then it doesn't end well and after you just have walk off and carry on.

I know I'm not the first and definitely not the last to help someone. It's definitely worth googling first aid if you have no idea how to do it. I'm lucky enough to be trained, however in that situation it really puts you to the test.

I don't know how I feel tonight but needed to write it down!!!!

OP posts:

ivegotthisyeah · 27/02/2020 22:10

Well done you, you did all you could

GingerGingerGingerGinger · 27/02/2020 22:11

That must be so hard.

SMaCM · 27/02/2020 22:11

Well done for stepping in. Our first aid trainer says lots of trained people freeze when it comes to the real thing. You gave that person the best chance of survival.

CharlotteUnaNatalieThompson · 27/02/2020 22:12

Well I think you are a star. It might not have ended well, but to be honest most out of hospital cardiac arrests don't. If that had been my relative or friend it would bring a huge amount of comfort knowing that you'd tried your best. Sometimes things happen to people that are just not survivable.

Enjoy your gin and be kind to yourself x

OverByYer · 27/02/2020 22:13

Well done for getting involved not many people would. You tried your best and I’m sure the persons family are grateful. Hopefully the shock of it will reduce over the coming days

FadedRed · 27/02/2020 22:13

Good for you for trying! But certainly you need to ‘debrief’ as this is a psychologically challengingly thing to have done. Even though you didn’t get the best outcome, which you know was unlikely to happen statistically, the family and friends of the person you helped will know that someone did try to help, and that is a comfort.

SinkGirl · 27/02/2020 22:13

Take comfort from knowing that you tried. Death is so different from how you think it will be and it can be really traumatic to see or be involved in. Unfortunately CPR is rarely effective but you gave them the best chance they could have, and I’m sure their loved ones are very grateful to you. Hope you can get some sleep tonight

Jay1974 · 27/02/2020 22:14

Just wanted to say well done!

I think it's a very brave thing to attempt, being trained I don't think would make it any less scary in my opinion, and it will stay with you for a long time afterwards.

Honeyroar · 27/02/2020 22:16

Well done for trying. I work in a job that occasionally requires CPR and our company offers us counselling afterwards if we ever have to do it. Because it’s common to feel the way you do.

PickwickThePlockingDodo · 27/02/2020 22:17

Oh my goodness, what a shock. Bloody well done for trying your hardest

Bodear · 27/02/2020 22:17

Hi OP, I was in the same situation about 3 years ago. It was a motorbike / minibus crash and I tried to save the biker but couldn’t. He wasn’t wearing a helmet so I was able to give CPR but didn’t succeed.

It was a really difficult thing to come to terms with and I still feel on high alert when I pass a car that has bumped something - no matter how minor it may be.
My advice would be to be kind to yourself and don’t underestimate the effect it may have had. Talk about it if you want to and be proud that you tried. If one of my loved ones was in that situation I hope I would find comfort in the fact that someone had tried to help.

Walnutwhipster · 27/02/2020 22:17

You did all you could, more than many others could or would have done. The statistics on CPR success are so low but you gave them a chance. You are an absolute star for trying.

Evidencebased · 27/02/2020 22:18

You have been trained, you put your training into action; so you know you've done all anyone could.
This situation is traumatic. I hope you can feel good about doing your best? The outcome was never up to you, and was probably always going to be a death.
Have a stiff drink.
As a ' civilian', it is hard, and quite traumatic. Please accept that in a few days, you'll feel better.And if you need to, seek out someone to talk it over with.

But tonight, thank you for having played your part well.

Bodear · 27/02/2020 22:18

Ps I was shocked by how visceral the experience was. I won’t go into details here but I found it helpful to talk to a doctor friend who was fine with hearing all of the details.

Bunnyfuller · 27/02/2020 22:19

Good job op, well done for getting in there and cracking on. You gave him the best possible chance you could xx

helpfulperson · 27/02/2020 22:20

No matter how it turned out it will be a comfort to his family that those around him did everything they could.

I was involved in a situation many, many years ago on top of a mountain and only think of it very occasionally but what helped me in the first couple of days was that he got the best chance going because me, and the nurse, and the doctor (albeit psychiatrist) and the police officer were all there and all prepared to get involved.

Gin etc sounds good and telling others (I mean your partner etc - not random strangers!!) what happened, will help you put it in perspective.

Growingboys · 27/02/2020 22:21

Well done OP. I wouldn't know how to do it. Should google it. You must be traumatised. Be kind to yourself

Lobsterquadrille2 · 27/02/2020 22:21

Two years ago, my mother (in a distraught state) banged on her neighbour's door to ask her to administer CPR to my father. She was acting on the instructions of the emergency services on the telephone as she was in too much of a state to be of any use. The neighbour did her best, my father was most likely dead already (he was 93) but we are so eternally grateful to the neighbour for being there. She had counselling afterwards, and said that it stayed with her for a long time.

It's an amazing thing that you did.

Starlight456 · 27/02/2020 22:22

I have given cpr a couple of times neither survived . Neither would have regardless due to autopsy results.

However the fact for the families they know someone tried.

My last first aid course they gave the statistics of people who recover having been incredibly low but reality is you might of changed the outcome.

Be kind to yourself it takes quite some time to recover and resist training brings it back. But you did a good thing

TildaKauskumholm · 27/02/2020 22:22

Well done, OP, and shame on those of us who wouldn't be able to do it. I think first aid training should begin at school.

ParkheadParadise · 27/02/2020 22:24

Well done for trying.

Guacamole · 27/02/2020 22:24

You did everything you could. You tried. Take care of yourself.

MrsP2015 · 27/02/2020 22:24

Oh bless you.

You are a good person. I hope you are able to move on from this ok x

QueenieMum · 27/02/2020 22:28

You did a fantastic thing today, you stopped and helped and gave that person the best chance possible. It's still very raw so be kind to yourself. We're here to listen if you want to offload on here. What support to do you have IRL?

You're amazing even if it doesn't feel that way right now.

Skierrdery · 27/02/2020 22:29

I've done First Aid training several times down through the years and have concluded that unless I was the only one present, I'd leave it to someone else to step in. It's nerve wracking!
I'm sorry he passed away. But you gave him a fighting chance.

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