Premature labour at 20 weeks - baby born alive

[FiFi74]

I went into premature labour on 10th July and after a very painful and stressful 40 odd hours, I gave birth to my little girl, Melody Grace. She was absolutley perfect, just too small and fragile to live. She was born alive adn lived for about 3 hours on her own. We had her baptised and then the funeral a week later on the 20th of July. I am waiting for hospital appointments now as I think I may have an incompetant cervix. I am so scared that this could happen again but am not going to give up the thought of having another child. I have an 11 year old as well and she tried to come 8 weeks early, so I am wondering if there is any connection. I hope maybe there is someone else out there who can share their story with me and let me know if they have ever had this stitch I have heard about and how it is done, etc. Please please write me back, Fi

so sorry for your loss, you must be going through so much at the moment.

I don't have any personal advice to offer but I know my MIL had many miscarriages trying to have a second child, then she had a cervical stitch and had a trouble free pregnancy with my BIL.

Good luck and take time to look after yourself.

Fi - so sorry for your loss and what a beautiful name for her.

I have heard of this stitching of the cervix too, a friend had it years ago but can't remember details I am afraid. She went on to have a wonderful little boy who is now a teenager. I do know she was on bed rest for most of the PG and had injections too although they may have been for her sickness as she suffered badly with that.

Sorry my memory is rusty!

Fi - so sorry to hear that you lost your beautiful girl. Thnigs must be so hard for you right now.

I just wanted to let you know about a colleague of mine. Her first child was born at 24 weeks, and sadly he died. She was diagnosed with an "incompetent cervix". With her next pregnancy she was stitched and was on lots of bed rest. She is now the proud mummy of a very healthy little boy.

I'm so sorry about the loss of your beautiful DD.

There are different methods of doing the stitch (cerclage) and it's worth making sure that you have a specialist advising you. And they ought to do regular scans in any subsequent pregnancy to monitor what's happening to the length of your cervix and put you on bed rest if necessary.

Thankyou guysfor all your replies!!! Just trying to get info off the internet now about it all.

Fi xxx

I'm so sorry about your little girl, things must be difficult at the moment.

A friend of mine had this - she had her first little girl at 34 weeks (no stitch, she is fine). They found the cervix problem when she was pg with her little boy at the 20 week scan - her cervix had started thinning and by the time she got the stitch at 22 weeks, there was about 2mm left. She carried him to term. She also had the stitch in her cervix with her 3rd and he was also carried to term.

From memory it was a relatively simple operation to put the stitch in and she did find it uncomfortable, especially as she got closer to term. She did have to be careful that she didn't go into labour before the stitch came out, for obvious reasons. hth

I'm so very sorry for your loss.

It was a long time ago now, so I am hazy on the details, but a close relative of mine lost several children in the early 80s as a result of an incompetant cervix. She was eventually give a stitch, and went on to have two very healthy children who are now all grown up.

Again - so sorry for your loss - one of my teachers at secondary school (any moons ago) have repeated M/c and finally had a stitch put in - their DS is now 15 and a wonderful testimony to the success!1

Don't know anything more about it though. GoodLuck

Fi - I'm very sorry for the loss of your daughter.

A close friend lost two babies around or just after the 20 week mark. When she then got pg again she had the stitch and gave birth to a lovely boy the day after her due date. She is pg again and has had the stitch again (for which she was in hospital for a week at about 14 weeks) - all is going well. She is not having to bed rest and is active and enjoying her pg.

fi.sorry for your loss.melody grace is a beutiful name.

FiFi, so sorry for your loss of Melody Grace, what a beautiful name.

I log onto Sands and a few of the girls that log on have had issues with their cervix and know loads from seeing their consultants. If they can help with any of your questions they will. A very friendly bunch.

I lost my little one at 24 weeks, due to premature rupture of the membranes and subsequently an infection. So know what a difficult time this is for you. I log onto MN quite regularly, so if you ever want to talk, give me a shout.

Best wishes and take care of yourself .. XX

My BF Mum had this, she had 5 miscarriages - all beyond that and nowadays they would have all survived

anyway she had a stitch my BF is 36 and her younger brother nearly 30!

So sad to hear of you loss and I wish you a very speedy conception & successful pregnancy as soon as you are ready.

RahRah1, thanks for sharing your loss with me. If its not to painful to recall, was your baby born alive? You see the problem was that I had gone on to labour and the membranes had started to push their way through my cervix and it was too late to push them back through and the risk was so high of them rupturing it would have just prolonged the enevitable if they had tried. Melody was fine, she was kicking all the way through the labour and that made it even worse, knowing there was nothing I could do to save a healthy little baby that just wasn't ready for the world yet. My boyfriend has been amazing through all of this and if anything it has brought us so close together and I guess I never realised really what I had in him until this, what a sad way to find out how much you love someone and them you.

Fi xxx

So sorry to hear about Melody. When you are ready to try again, be reassured, the cervical stitch does have high success rates, although you will obviously need close attention and to take things easy during your next pregnancy.

Melody would have been aware of you and know that she was loved for the time she had. You and your bf gave her the gift of life and love for as long as she was here and no doubt you will love and remember her for ever. That is the most wonderful thing in the world and while you are sad now, hold onto the fact that you had that little time with her and that she knew that you were there and she was loved.

Melody Grace is a lovely name - sorry about your loss

my friend had this and lost a child at 19 weeks, during her next pregnancy she was stitched and monitored and eventually needed a c section cos the baby couldn't get out. And is now a very healthy child. Things like this are only a problem when they are undiagnosed

Hi Fi

Ask any questions, I don't mind sharing

My baby was born in Nov 06 at 1lb 7, he was born alive and went to the neo-natal unit, but he could not sustain the oxygen they were giving him as his lungs were not opening enough. Like Melody he was just perfect, just born too soon. We made the decision to turn off his ventilator as they told us he would suffer greatly if we continued treatment.
Like you guys it has brought me and DH closer together. I would never want to be apart from him, we carry our child around together. We have grieved very differently, but also supported each other. Its been tough but we are trying for another baby and have our names down for IUI (we have trouble catching).

I had heavy bleeding from the placenta that caused clots, which eventually made my membranes rupture. Fi, so sorry with how you went into labour, it must of been terrifying. I was lucky in some ways as I had time to understand what was going on and to talk to the baby doctors (I was in hospital for a month).

Millions of hugs and best wishes
Rah Xx

I am so sorry for the loss of your precious daughter, Melody Grace xx I lost my daughter at 20 weeks in january to preterm birth. She did not survive the birth I have other children and also 3 other losses at 6, 11 and 23 weeks. I lost my other DD to a chromosome disorder (23wks) I was told that I am high risk as carry a lupus blood antibody which can cause late m/c (at first they thought I had incompetent cervix as I had no labour pains)and also there was a serious infection of the placenta (not sure whether this was the cause or effect of leaking membranes). As rahrah said, Sands is very good and helpful, and I am thinking of you (((hugs))) x

Jellybeans and Rahrah,

You guys have been through so much!!! I guess until you go on a website like this or join a group you really feel so alone. I am feeling very alone at times now that my fella has gone back to work, too much time to think and there is only so much cleaning I can do!!! I have cleaned the cooker, painted the kitchen, hoover a fwe times a day, polish, rearrange dishes in cupboards, ahhhh! Want to get back to work, but know I am not ready. I feel so scared of everything going wrong again and just can't face ever having to go through this again. I see so many people who shout and scream and swaer at their kids and pay them so little attention and then I wonder why it is so easy for people who don't treat them right, end up with so many!!! Fi xxx

FiFi74 - I'm really sorry to hear what happened to you. Seven years ago I also lost a baby at 20 weeks and like you knew he was alive and felt him kicking throughout labour. I still remeber the scan I had when labour started, I could see the membranes comming out of my cervix and the babt was being squashed. I then had two successful pregnancies with a cervical surtre. Last week I ost another son, this time at 16 weeks just a few days after having the stitch. It was the most painful expereice of my life as I gave birth with the stitch in place. It worked twice for me but not a third time, it carries risks. I really hope all works out for you.

FiFi, It's a horrible time when DP's go back to work. {{{{hugs}}}} but sounds like you have been cleaning a lot. Your right not to go back to work, you really need to be ready first. I started trying to go out with friends first and made sure I did not avoid anyone that I saw I knew. (which is hard, as all you want to do is not face people )
Its natural to be scared, but its a positive that they know what caused Melody's early arrival and have a plan for the next time you are pregnant. My doctors have not got a clue what went wrong with me and the best solution they have come up with is aspirin and extra scans. . Make sure you have found a consultant you really like and have a clear plan for your next pregnancy, so it gives you more confidence.
Even though mine does not have much of a plan, as soon as I become pregnant again (hopefully soon!) I can call his secretary and go and see him straight away.(at this rate they will forget who I am ) They will then start me on aspirin and keep testing my blood and decide on any other med's. In addition they will increase the monitoring with reassurance scans and regular consultant visits. Hopefully it will all help to giving me reassurance and some confidence.

I am right with you on the other people. I went through a stage of really hating seeing young mothers with several children and another on the way. It's irrational and I felt envious, so I just try to ignore it now. But it does take a while to shift your anger.. etc - but its totally natural and understandable.

Sending you and Melody much love Xx

goingfor3 - so sorry to read your post about your two son's. Sending you a big {{HUG}}

Actually the doctors have not told me what they think the problem is yet, I have just got a feeling it is an incompetant cervix and that I may nee the stitch. I am still waiting for my follow up appointment with the hospital and have another appt with Gynaecology on the 16th August to have my cervix looked at to see whether or not I have a prolapsed cervix. I hate not knowing what is going on witn my body. I have been ill for months now all during the prgnancy with all non pregnancy related issues, 2 chest infections and then an inner ear infection which left me very ill and dizzy all the time, plus all regular morning sickness alongside it all and then losing her. Its just so crap, I am having a poo day today.

Fi xxx

Oh FiFi, wish I was there to give you a hug. It's so hard and not knowing makes it all the more harder. Sometimes there is no explanation, which is so hard to except.
When I went for my consultant/follow up appointment with my consultant I did as much research as I could on my symptoms and illness in pregnancy so I could ask him as many questions and put him under pressure to ensure every test available was carried out. I really hope they find out what happened for you.
It sounds like we both had hard pregnancies, I was so ill and the morning sickness was pretty rotten too!! Then you get someone telling you they only felt sick for one day and had a great pregnancy - you want to kick them! Is does make you think why me?

Best wishes - love Rah Xx

Hi Fifi
So sorry to hear of your loss. I am in a very similar situation myself so understand your frustration (but am not going to use that term "I know what's you're going through" as everyone is different and I'm sick of hearing it!)

I went into premature labour with my twins at 25 weeks and gave birth to 2 tiny little girls on 21st July. They were both perfect but like you were too small and just born too soon. Kristina weighed 750g and lived for 21 days and Lucy weighed just 415g and lived for 17 days.

When I went to see the doctor after leaving hospital after they had both died, she mentioned that having a cone biopsy (colposcopy) a couple of years ago may well have weakened the cervix so that and the fact it was a twin pregnancy was a "recipe for disater". Obviously I was very distraught as firstly I didnt know I had had a cone biopsy (just thought it was a colposcopy). Nor did I know that this would weaken the cervix and potentially cause problems. She said next time (if there is one) they would recommend the stitch. I am furious that no-one mentioned this before and it seems like you have to wait for something to wrong before they will do something to help. So, anyone who has had a cone biopsy, be warned and I would ask for the stitch to be on the safe side.

I expect you are feeling as bad as me at the moment, there is no escape from pregnant women, babies, happy families - you can't even watch TV without seeing Pampers adverts. Plus there always seem to be success stories in papers and magazine of people who are lucky and their premature babies make it and are now karate kids or something. I expect like me you have days when you feel ok and then burst into tears at the frop of a hat, I don't know when it will start to get better.

If you ever want to email me to see if see if what your your feelings are like mine right now (I don't know anyone else who has been through this and this is the first time I've felt like looking info up on the net) or post a message on here to vent your frustration, go right ahead. We are losing half our crockery to my frustration!

Take good care of yourself, you will always remember her and no one can take that away.

xx

fifi i am so sorry for yr loss, melody is a lovely name. i dont know anyone personally who has had the stitch, but heard a few friend of a friends stories and all positive. take care and best of luck