Active discussions

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Bereavement

Find bereavement help and support from other Mumsnetters. See also your choices after baby loss.

Original poster

MrW has died

211 replies

Willowkins · 02/06/2019 23:44

My previous threads were: www.mumsnet.com/Talk/life_limiting.../2887509-Im-not-OK and www.mumsnet.com/.../3266385-The-calm-before-the-storm for any one who wants to follow my story (sorry I can't do clicky links)

There are 3 things I need to mention now that my sweet, funny MrW has died: (1) I am so sad and I miss him terribly; (2) most people have been really kind but some have been downright patronising; and (3) the sheer amount of paperwork is doing my head in.

OP posts:
StealthPolarBear · 02/06/2019 23:46

I'm so sorry x

Aimily · 02/06/2019 23:47

I'm so sorry x

Redact · 02/06/2019 23:48

I'm so sorry for your loss x

DramaAlpaca · 02/06/2019 23:49

I'm very sorry for your loss x Flowers

QOD · 02/06/2019 23:53

I’m so sorry 😢

notangelinajolie · 02/06/2019 23:54

So sorry for your loss Flowers

And sorry I can't make this horrible thing not happen. But I can give you my mantra.

"I can do this".

Hope it helps.

AndNoneForGretchenWieners · 03/06/2019 00:01

I'm so sorry willow. It's fucking shit, and really hard. I found it so overwhelming trying to sort out pensions and stuff.

When you are feeling a bit stronger there's a really good book I have read that made me feel a little less alone - "Confessions of a Mediocre Widow".

Flowers
echt · 03/06/2019 06:16

So sorry for your loss, Willowkins.

The patronising stuff is hard. One of the harder things about being bereaved is the extent to which the bereaved (the ones with the lacerated feelings) have to nod and smile to thoughtless numpties.

While everyone is different in their capacity, there's a fund of good advice on this thread about the paperwork. I've done it in two countries after my DH died. HMRC are sweeties.

TanteRose · 03/06/2019 06:19

So sorry for your loss, Willowkins Flowers

sending you strength at this difficult and sad time

FiveGoMadInDorset · 03/06/2019 06:36

Oh willow wishing you much strength to deal with it all ❤️

TemporaryPermanent · 03/06/2019 07:06

I'm so sorry. Flowers I'm sure you've talked about him on the other threads but if you'd like to, tell us more about him.

Chasingsquirrels · 03/06/2019 07:23

I've been thinking of you Willowkins, and was so sorry to read your update on the last thread.

It is such a horrible time, and the admin that needs to be dealt with at a point when you are probably least able to do so can be overwhelming. Let people help you, let things that aren't important slide, look after yourselves and your children.

Let the patronising people wash over you, it is likely that they have had the good fortune not to have experienced the death of someone very close to them yet, and if that isn't the case then they have the bad fortune to be knobs, don't given them the headspace they don't deserve. I hope these people are on the periphery of your life and not those close to you.

I'm not sure how old you are, but if you are under 50 you may consider whether you would find Widowed And Young a support. I found it invaluable in the early days.

Thinking of you all x

MrsAitch13 · 03/06/2019 08:11

I am so very, very sorry x

Awks · 03/06/2019 08:16

So sorry to read your update and wishing you the strength to get through this hideous part. You can do this xx

MrsMozartMkII · 03/06/2019 08:19

I am so sorry lass.

Ignore the ignorant ones.

Definitely take any useful help that's offered to deal with the paperwork.

Flowers
notapizzaeater · 03/06/2019 11:10

You are bound to get idiots, hope the good outnumbers them

Original poster
Willowkins · 03/06/2019 11:55

Bless you all.

You are right the good ones far outnumber the others.
Thank you squirrel for suggesting I qualify for WAY. I'm in my 50s (I had the YWs in my 40s) but just for a moment I felt a bit younger.
Glad to know HMRC are sweeties. My next job is to try to get the Child Benefit moved over to me so that gives me hope.
Also, we now have a definite date for the funeral. I need to let his family know Hmm

OP posts:
MrsAitch13 · 03/06/2019 12:53

You can join Way Up (for the over 50s). I have found them invaluable.

Wishing you love and strength x

Borntobeamum · 05/06/2019 14:00

So sorry.
Please take time to remember the happier times and look after yourself too x x 💕

Teawaster · 06/06/2019 21:01

I'm so sorry to hear this . I posted a long time ago about Lonsurf when your DH was on it as our stories were similar. My DH died in Feb 2017 just before my twin DS's did their GCSE's . Over 2 years later they are in the middle of Alevels and doing well. Time has helped us all but of course we don't forget . It still seems the other day in many ways but we are coping well. i hope you get through the next days, weeks and months as best you can and you use as much support as you feel able to accept

Original poster
Willowkins · 07/06/2019 10:21

Let me tell you about MrW.

The first thing I noticed about him was how kind he was. We became good friends sharing a love of pizza and ice cream. I encouraged him to believe in himself. He babysat my hamster. Years later we realised it was so much more and we quickly got married. MrW and I were very different in lots of ways but we complemented each other. He liked trains I liked planes. He loved nothing more than to wander around some old church. I liked sitting by the pool with a trashy novel and a pina colada. He didn't drink. He loved animals and we adopted elderly rescue dogs and cats to give them a good retirement. We didn't think we could have children but then we did and he was the housedad. I am so grateful that the YWs had so much time with him. He brought them up to know how to look after themselves. They also have his (and my) warped sense of humour. He couldn't sing but insisted on doing it anyway. He was so clever. His in-depth knowledge of history was amazing. He understood economics and science. He would never tell me how he voted. He loved children and volunteered at the local school. He loved gardening and was really sorry to have to give it up when he was on chemo. He carried on working until 3 months before he died. He was generous and would do anything for anyone. He put 100% into everything he did. He was faithful in every sense of the word. Finally, he went through awful treatment to give the YWs precious time. He kept telling me how sorry he was to put me through this. Right till the end, he was thinking of others - that's just how he was.

He loved ... and was loved so, so much.

OP posts:
Chasingsquirrels · 07/06/2019 12:30

I'm glad that you've had the years together that you did Willowkins and yet so sorry that it wasn't much longer.
Your love for MrWH comes through in your post, and the grief you are now going through is so hard.
Just keep going, sometimes minute by minute, hour by hour.
MrWH will always be a part of your life, talk about him here whenever you want x

AnchorDownDeepBreath · 07/06/2019 12:36

That is one of the most beautiful things I've ever read Thanks

Mr W sounds like a wonderful man, and you seem like a hell of a woman. I hope you and the YWs are doing as well as possible.

Knittedfairies · 07/06/2019 12:46

The love you have for each other shines through your words Willowkins. I hope you and the YWs take comfort in that.

echt · 10/06/2019 11:29

What lovely picture of a life, Willowkins Rich, nuanced, loving and eloquent.

What a chap.

Thanks