MrW has died

[Willowkins]

My previous threads were: www.mumsnet.com/Talk/life_limiting.../2887509-Im-not-OK and www.mumsnet.com/.../3266385-The-calm-before-the-storm for any one who wants to follow my story (sorry I can't do clicky links)

There are 3 things I need to mention now that my sweet, funny MrW has died: (1) I am so sad and I miss him terribly; (2) most people have been really kind but some have been downright patronising; and (3) the sheer amount of paperwork is doing my head in.

[Willowkins]

Yep he was a good'un

[howwudufeel]

He sounds like the very best of men x

[Willowkins]

It's been 2 weeks. I've been coping and keeping busy - that's who I am - but I would do anything to hug him again. I just listened to his voice on the answer machine because I don't want to forget how he sounded.
It all feels very strange but I'm sure this too will pass. We have the funeral next week. That will be a definite point at which the old ends and the new begins. I'm dreading it

[LuckyBitches]

MrW sounds like a lovely man.

[Frikonastick]

Sending you all the good vibes and the strength to endure xxx

[purplelass]

So sorry to hear this

Take everything a day / hour / minute / second at a time and ask for help when you need it. No-one will mind and most people are happy to feel that they're helping...

[PlinkPlink]

Gosh, your last post about MrW made me well up tears streaming down my face

I'm so sorry for your loss Willowkins . Wishing you so much strength, love and light through this all.

I am sure that he is still with you. I always think that a piece of the ones we love always stays with us, for as long as we remember them they always have a place in our heart. I always found that a comfort when those I loved passed on.

Have you got lots of people looking after you all? Friends and family and such?

Sending you millions of hugs.

[Willowkins]

I am so lucky to have friends around me who want to help. Also my DSis has barely left my side.
My narc ex-mil is trying to make it all about her as usual. I am determined not to give her drama oxygen on the day though - is there a funeral equivalent of the head tilt and tinkly laugh?

[echt]

Thinking of the funeral, in the end, your ex-MIL has lost her son, even if she is a narc. I had nothing like this at my DH's funeral as all ILs and parents were safely under the sod.

However, in the spirit of offering advice about things I haven't experienced, take it as a dress rehearsal for the later times when support may fall away, as it often does, and no-one, but no-one asks you how you feel. Or says fucking stupid things like are you dating yet?

Fuck I sound bitter.

Anyway, I hope your DH's funeral is a good one, with as many laughs as tears. Tell us about it if you want to, and when you can.

[CrystalVisions]

He loved animals and we adopted elderly rescue dogs and cats to give them a good retirement

That, alone, makes him a prince amongst men in my eyes

[Willowkins]

Actually I've calmed down now. And I understand that no one should have to bury their child - my mum did it when my other sister died and I know it was devastating for her. It doesn't even matter that xmil has never been a proper, loving mum to him. Or that she phoned the YWs the evening before MrW died to make it all about her - again. The funeral will be lovely and MrW will at the centre of it all and that's how it should be.

[Willowkins]

Having a weird day today. Firstly just sat looking at his bit of the sofa. it's slightly worn. I miss him so much.
It just doesn't seem real that he won't be back. Then I got all the paperwork out and it's now all over the floor. It seems too huge to handle now. What was I thinking?
The little black cat is missing him too. She used to sleep on our bed but she sleeps downstairs now; she's eating more and she sniffs all the visitors. Poor little thing lost her first human to illness as well. Hopefully in time she'll get used to the new way of things.
I don't and never have understood insurance. I'm such an optimist that I never saw the point of it. But he did. So I put in for the big life insurance claim today. I had this silly thought in my head that they would deny all knowledge of it but actually they were lovely. It means I will have enough to give the YWs a good start in life.
The Order of Service has gone to the printers and I bought some black shoes so that leaves a few last minute details to sort out for the funeral.
More flowers arrived today but there was no note so I can't thank them. I did double check with the company they were for me though.
Off to do the school run now.

[Chasingsquirrels]

Of course you miss him Willowkins.
TBH I don't know if that ever goes away completely, what I do know is that over time it occupies less of your mindspace.
This themighty.com/2018/12/ball-box-analogy-grief/ isn't quite the description I was looking for, but it's similar.
Everyone is individual and will take a different path along their grief journey, but in the main I think the above is true.

I'm glad you have the life insurance
It in no way makes up for losing him, but not having to worry financially as well certainly make life easier in that respect.
I found that the life insurance companies were very efficient in dealing with things.

If you want to share, tell us when the funeral is.
I'll be continuing to think of you all x

[Bluerussian]

Oh gosh Willowkins, that is awful. So sorry.

[Willowkins]

Thanks squirrel. You have been so supportive right from the start. The funeral is on Monday.

[Chasingsquirrels]

I hope it goes as well as these things can.
I remember thinking at John's that he would have so enjoyed it, all his friends friends, colleagues and clients there because of him. Madness.

[echt]

Thinking of the paper work, don't forget Widow's Bereavement Allowance. Even though I live in Australia, I had lived most of my life in the UK and had entitlement. It has a use by date and I missed it. Every little bit helps:

www.gov.uk/bereavement-allowance

[IM0GEN]

A man who loves ice cream, dogs and gardening - he sounds lovely and you write about him so well.

I hope that Monday’s service goes well and is a fitting tribute to him.

I’m sure the children will be fine at it - they often surprise us at how well they cope with these things ,as they grieve differently from adults.

Remember to wear these new shoes around the house today and put some plasters in your handbag on Monday.

Thinking of you and your LOs 🌼🌼🌼🌻🌻

[echt]

Funerals: When preparing for my DH's funeral I remember buying waterproof mascara for the first time in years. Paper hankies, too. On a less accessible note, I used auto-hypnosis so as not to to cry. I don't think one shouldn't cry, I just didn't want to for this occasion.

All the best on Monday, Willowkins

[babbi]

I’m so sorry... I’ll think of you on Monday xx

[echt]

Having a weird day today. Firstly just sat looking at his bit of the sofa. it's slightly worn. I miss him so much

I hope you don't mind this Willowkins, but I know just what you mean by those potent, immediate reminders:

www.google.com/search?client=safari&rls=en&q=simpsons+ass+groove&ie=UTF-8&oe=UTF-8

[QOD]

💐

[notapizzaeater]

New shoes, a positive in a shit few weeks x

[Willowkins]

Thanks all, I can't believe it's tomorrow. And of course today is Father's Day. I told the YWs they don't have to go to church today. I think we'll get a MaccyD's in MrW's memory instead.

[Singingcricket]

I'm sorry for your loss.

Just came on here to say that your husband sounds like he was such a kind and lovely man Willowkins. There isn't enough kindness nowadays, it's a much under-rated trait.

I'll be thinking of you and your DC, and wishing you strength for tomorrow