MrW has died

[Willowkins]

My previous threads were: www.mumsnet.com/Talk/life_limiting.../2887509-Im-not-OK and www.mumsnet.com/.../3266385-The-calm-before-the-storm for any one who wants to follow my story (sorry I can't do clicky links)

There are 3 things I need to mention now that my sweet, funny MrW has died: (1) I am so sad and I miss him terribly; (2) most people have been really kind but some have been downright patronising; and (3) the sheer amount of paperwork is doing my head in.

Sorry to hear that blue, my DH died in July as well.

My bedroom is fine it’s just the rest if the house that’s a mess for me. Busy time of year though but moving a couple of things a day is helping

We are slowly sorting trivial 'stuff' out. We've far too much 'stuff' - next on our list are the wills ...

I'm trying not to dwell on Xmas - think I will be calmer after Thursdays monthly appointment 😥

Willowkins, I've followed this thread since the beginning. I also followed your other thread about Mr W. I feel I have been walking in your footsteps as my DH died just two weeks after yours of the same illness. I can relate to so much you and others posted.

I am really struggling probably due to the time of year and with dreaded Christmas looming. I try and keep so positive for everyone, especially our DD (8) but inside I just miss him so much.

Wilowkins, thank you, glad you 'approve of'' my untidy bedroom (maybe you would be less charitable about other areas :-))

FivegomadinDorset and Skyline - thanks for sharing. It's pants isn't it?

Blue you know you really don't need my approval right? I did manage to clear a bit of my bedroom before getting all upset again. Small steps.

In other news, I went to private healthcare hospital to get my HRT sorted out. I have never done this before (I believe in the NHS - they did so much for MrW) but I have been getting the runaround from the NHS since February and I just didn't have the strength to keep fighting.

Anyway, it turns out that I need a lot more oestrogen. This just explains so much. It's positive that I am taking care of myself but I am so aware that not everyone can afford it and it makes me a bit cross that older women's health is sidelined and some women are suffering unnecessarily.

Glad you getting your HRT sorted, it will help in some many areas.

I had a hysterectomy 5 years ago (ovarian cancer) and managed about 8 weeks without turning up at my doctors ..... if I hadn't had it I swear I'd have killed someone !

When I go to tidy my bedroom (which currently looks like a bomb has landed) I pop some crappy tv on my iPad and 'do' until the adverts - then have a break (or if I'm really knackered watch the show and 'do' the adverts)

Thanks nota. You and your family have been through so much already. Respect.

Sorting out the HRT has been really good for me. I feel positive for the first time in ages. Which sounds weird when I miss MrW so much. But I believe I can cope now.

I have some coming to give me a quote for bifold doors tomorrow. Another long term goal to improve the house. I hope they don't ask if MrW will be there. I don't want to explain what he's doing on top of the bookshelf in our bedroom

How did your quote go ? Are you having them now or in the summer ? Another first for you. Our log burner is being fitted this week

Hope the HRT making a difference, I can function with it, I know when my patch needs changing ......

My cancer was a bit of nothing really, was found by fluke and removed intact (had the whole lot out in one go) and was only found afterwards when they tested it. Luckily because it was caught so so early (before any symptoms) I didn't need any other treatment 😍

Nota I'm so glad that you decided to go for the log burner. It will be perfect for Christmas.

I liked the guy. I discussed it with the YWs and we decided what we wanted. So next step is to go and look at their showroom. But this is definitely happening.

Early days for the HRT but I do feel less fuzzy headed.

Unfortunately I also get moments of sheer panic whenever I try to do anything triggering. I know I will feel better once it's done but then I forget to breathe and I have to stop. Restarting is hard.

I'm getting more waves of sadness. It feels like there is grit in my blood (that's not a figure of speech that really is what it feels like). This too will pass.

How's the HRT going @Willowkins ?

Love Love LOVE your woodburner Nota🔥 It's going to be so cosy over Christmas.
I think the HRT is going well. I am definitely more able to think things through - although certain things still trigger the panic attacks.
I went to my first ever Christmas Fayre today and came back with 2 half litre bottles of gin (not all for me by the way) and a miniature of damson gin (definitely for me) among other cute little things.
New experiences and places are not stressing me out like they used to.
YWs seem okay. I luffs them so much 🤗

Yesterday was stressy. Mainly due to idiot drivers my lack of patience. My anxiety steadily grew throughout the day. I was forgetful and just couldn't solve problems like I normally could. I have referred myself for counselling as I clearly need it.
I had booked a table at the local curry house as a pre birthday treat for DD. This was a place that MrW loved and he was super friendly with the owners (but didn't want to tell them that he was ill). So in we go and it's busy but having a lovely meal as usual. About half way through, they come to check everything's okay and then comes the question I had been dreading: How's your other half? You know how you want to break it to people gently? But there was no getting round this. I explained he had been living with cancer and he had died 6 months ago. They were clearly shocked. They went away, had a chat and then said how he had wanted to pay for a homeless guy to have a meal and that he was such a good guy. They refused to let me pay.

I want to be a better person.

You are a better person. How lovely of mrW - what a lovely memory for you.

My DS takes magnesium and zinc for anxiety - might help ?

Thanks nota. I haven't checked in on the other thread for a while so hope all okay with you.
I am managing to beat the anxiety. I don't know why it has changed (prayer, more oestrogen, time) but I am managing to get past it for the first time in ages.
For example, the bedroom is pretty much clear. How did I do that? I booked a guy to give me a quote for a new ensuite and family bathroom and the shame of what he'd think when he saw my bedroom outweighed the panic of actually sorting stuff out. Whatever works.
Second example, in the middle of a church service today, I realised that my eternity ring was not on my finger. I sternly told myself, no need to panic, it's probably fallen off (as too big for my finger now I have lost weight). I found it in my bedroom when I got home (thank God I had tidied up!)
Had a little cry a couple of times over the weekend. It's been six months and the more I get done, the more time I have to feel. It's okay. It's good to grieve properly.
I have a lot of support.
I hand over MrW's ashes to the church in a couple of weeks. That's the next milestone.

Glad you're making progress. There's no time limit on grief and it catches you out.

Life's a bit shit here at min, DH has now got brain mets. We at hospital this morning so hopefully find out more.

Are you getting the bathrooms done ?

My DS had norovirus over the weekend and projectile vomited everywhere and I mean everywhere which has forced me to do loads of scrubbing and sorting ....

I'm so sorry to hear that Nota. I think you must be exhausted with all this going on and I wish I could come round to help you clean your bathroom. I hope the hospital had positive news for you (PM me if you need to offload).

We are going to have the bathrooms done yes and going to the showroom tomorrow hoping the quote is not too ridiculous. It's one of those things MrW and I were planning to do but had to put on the back burner because he wouldn't have been able to cope with the building works. My en suite will be first as it is in the worst state and the YWs need time to decide (are arguing about) what they want in the Family Bathroom.

This has just come up on my timeline on Facebook and thought it quite poignant......

Was shit news tbh. He's 6 mets to the brain so technically over the limit for gamma ray treatment but our oncologist wants him in from of the doctors at Leeds to see he's relatively young and still functioning ,,,,, his lung cancer has started progressing and he has some new little tumours coming. This will most probably be our last Xmas together 🤬🤬😥😥😥

He IS worth fighting for Nota and I hope the doctors at Leeds see that. Sending you hugs and (if you don't mind) saying prayers.

How you doing ? Good weekend ?

We've started the treatment (nightmare) but hey ho, we doing it !

That's good news Notapizzaeater. Sometimes just putting one foot in front of the other is all you have to do

It's been good here thanks. Went to a lovely wedding, Xmas lights are up, cats are snuggling and the YWs are proper grown up all of a sudden.

This week, I take MrW to the church where he'll stay over Christmas before his ashes are buried in the New Year. Honestly, it's going to be hard to let him go but I need to do this.

Glad you making plans. My mums friend takes her husbands urn everywhere with her, every holiday etc. Will be lovely in the local church.

We've got to put tree up tonight, lights are up outside - I'm on operation wrap presents at min.

Well you inspired me to write 2 pre-Xmas birthday cards. I'm leaving the actual Christmas cards a bit late but not sure if that really matters.

I'm being efficient and taking my cards with me to hospital tomorrow to write whilst I'm waiting .....

Just checking in x

Thanks nota we're on our way to the Lake District and I'm actually okay. My YWs are amazing and in spite of the long drive we're having an adventure. Also I brought damson gin.

I've been following your story on the Calm thread and really feel for everything you've been going through. On top of that you're being supportive of me and that is just awesome. Please don't forget to look after yourself because you're going to need it.