Scattering ashes

[Angie169]

My DH passed away in October last year , I only got the coroners report last week and registered DH death yesterday .
Now I want to scatted / bury his ashes but I do not know where I am allowed to or what the procedure is , has any one done this , were their any problems ?
My biggest worry is that I will be half way though scattering them and some official will come up to me and say you cant do that there and here is a big fine for trying to , has that ever happened to any one ? Thanks to annandale I have had a look at a website called Scattering Ashes which is very good but I would like to here some personal ideas and storys

I’m sorry about your DH

When Mum died last year she asked for her ashes to be scattered on a local nature reserve she’d been involved in helping. So Dad scattered them on a meadow planted in her name and also beside her memorial tree.
Do you have somewhere in mind?

KT63
that sounds absolutely perfect for you mum so nice to to have a meadow planted in her name , that must bring all of your family a lot of peace .
For me at the moment I am torn between Scarborough , Southport and Whitby coast or Style woods a beautiful but very busy ( no quiet corners really ) National trust area .

She’d have loved the meadow, it’s very “her”
They all sound like beautiful ideas, I’m sure nobody would have any objection. I hope wherever you choose gives you a little bit of peace and a lot of comfort

I'm sorry about your husband. That sounds like a long time stuck in limbo waiting.

I do know that sometimes places can object to scattering of ashes as a large amount of people doing it can damage things like trees (bad for their roots). I would contact those in charge of the various places on your list and ask first.

I hope you find the perfect place.

I have known people to scatter ashes in a remote beauty spot and also from a boat on a river. The main thing is to do it subtly and not with a big fanfare and fuss. So lots of people or a formal service are far more likely to get noticed than a quiet tip-the-lid-and-it’s-done type of situation. Also the quieter and more remote the place, the less noticeable - places which are popular will generally be more on the lookout for it.
I think the commonsense rule of thumb is to be discreet about it.

And I’m very sorry for your loss. I hope you manage to do the scattering in a place he would have loved.

Oh, also to add - if you’re considering several places then I have known people to divide the ashes up and scatter a smaller amount in several places. That is more subtle and also makes it easier if one spot doesn’t work out for whatever reason.

Oh and final tip - be very aware of which way the wind is blowing when you scatter.

When we scattered my FiL's ashes we (MiL, Dh, DSiL's and myself went for a walk in one of his favourite spots and tipped some of the ashes into longish grass at the side of the path. The family has quite a dark sense of humour but wanted to be discreet so put the urn into a carrier bag. When we got out of the cars we realised that the bag my SiL had grabbed was printed with the legend "Please Recycle Me!"

I scattered my Dad’s ashes in the same place as my brother’s. It was 40 years later but the Crematorium looked at where his ashes were and directed me to the same place.
And no I didn’t check the wind direction!
Sorry for your loss Op
💐💐

I have quite a few family members scattered in the same place in the crem garden. For this, you need an appointment and to pay :( I don't think you would have any issues in the "wild" as long as you are subtle about it.

Angie,
My great aunt emigrated to New York in the 1950’s and never ever came home again. She died in the late 90’s and her children had not a clue what to do with her ashes . They didn’t know any of their English relations and had never been to England. They found me, their cousins daughter via the wonders of tinternet. They were desperate to see the places their mum used to talk about so the came over and brought Great Auntys ashes with them. They scattered her at dawn off the cliffs at Whitby. Then, later that day they went into the church at the top of the 199 steps ( can’t remember the name, can’t be arsed to look it up but if you know Whitby you know where I mean ) and said some prayers for their mum. They went and had a roam round the abbey and Then they went and had fish and chips in the Magpie cafe and made a day of it. They know that some of the ashes will have blown into the sea and so Great Aunt will be swept round the world while some of her will have been absorbed by the rich Yorkshire earth.
I’m so sorry you lost your husband and I hope you find somewhere nice to scatter him. Remember though, you don’t have to scatter him completely. Maybe keep a tiny bit to be mixed with your ashes, or buried with you when you shuffle off the mortal coil many years from now. Or you could scatter some in all of the places you have mentioned. There’s no right or wrong way to do this and whatever brings you comfort and closure is the right way.

My mum and dad's ashes were scattered together on top of a hilly field overlooking the sea in their home town. We walked up on a fairly quiet afternoon and took great care to check the wind direction as it was a windy spot. It's a public footpath but I don't think you are really supposed to scatter ashes there. My parents weren't religious and my dad had an aversion to graveyards so it seemed right. My mum died 10 years after my dad and didn't care what we did with her so long as was with my dad.

Thank you to everybody's advice and story's ,
^yorkshire* it is nice to know that your Aunt 'came home so many years later .
Yes I know them steps we tried it once i think I am still trying to catch my breath now 5 years later!
ithinkisaw this would really appeal to DH sense of humour, he was never much in to recycling but was very fond of funny mistakes ( his fav was some one avoiding a banana skin and stepping in a deep puddle , change to much yucker version is you think like him )

I think I need to find a quite spot that I can get to easily ( I do not drive ) all like all the MN out there that have helped me though this hard time have said . ' some where we would be happy with '
It may be some time yet but I promise when I do scatter the ashes I will let you all know where it was and how it went .

THANK YOU to everyone out there that has helped me through this very hard time.
I do not think I could of got through this with out you .

So sorry for your loss, Angie. My DH died in February and I collected his ashes last week and brought them home; they are in my wardrobe at the moment. I am planning on scattering some at sea and some in the lake district, as he was a very keen scuba diver and yacht sailor. We would have been on a cruise in September (which I have cancelled). But I have booked one for myself next year and already have permission from the ship to have a little ceremony and scatter some when we're out at sea. The rest will go into one of the lakes as that's where he did a lot of diving. I am wondering whether I will need permission for that. Family and I are hoping to rent a cottage and stay up there for a few days.

poseccoagain sorry for your loss, I am sure your DH would love the idea of been scattered at sea , as a lot of other MNs have said as long as it is done discreetly I think you would be fine scattering them in his favourite lake .
I still have not decided where to Scatter my DHs yet but am leaning more and more to the coast . I think I may take a trip up there soon to have a look for a nice spot then go back to scatter them when I am ready .

A update ,
I decided to spilt DH ashes , we use to go to Southport quite often and sit on the same bench , talk , feed the ducks and swans, read the daily papers etc so two weeks ago I scattered some around 'our' bench a the lake in Southport . I talked to him , fed the ducks and swans and read the paper , we always said that we would take a drink there one evening so I did , we shared his favourite drink .

I intend to do the same with the rest of his ashes at another place we use to love going to as soon as I can .

It was very hard to leave him there but I can go back there quite easily and talk to him and share another drink with him .

That sounds lovely, Angie, you must have many happy memories of sitting there with him, and I am sure he would be happy with your choice. This time next year I will be scattering some of DH's ashes at sea. It's difficult to let them go, isn't it. My DH was from Lancashire, but not lived there for many years.

Good Morning Proseccoagain
yes we had some lovely times there , it was nice to just sit there and watch the world go by.
You say you are going to scatter some of DH ashes at sea, I am sure he he would approve he will be on a life long cruse .
Are you still going to scatter the rest in the lakes ? I have only ever been there once but it was absolutely wonderful .
are you thinking of keeping any of DH ash's at home ?
I wanted to keep a bit of him so I bought a bracelet that could hold a tiny amount of ash's now he is always with me.
I got it from ' Newlight Cremation Urns'
( sorry I do not know how to do that link thing )
There is lots of choice on there , very friendly service and delivered within a few days .

Hello Angie. Yes, still planning on scattering some of DH'S ashes in one of the Lakes, nothing planned yet, but probably next year. So pleased the cruise ship is letting me scatter some at sea; he will be underwater, which is where he loved to be. At the moment his ashes are in my wardrobe, so very close to me at night. The jewellery looks lovely, I wonder if anyone does them in gold?

Hi ,
It is very nice of the cruise ship to allow you to scatter his ash's hopefully they will ensure you get the privacy that you want . Is anyone going with you ?
My Dh ashes sat on his sofa for a long time so I could talk to him, I slept downstairs for a long time after he died as I did not want to be in our bed alone so I would wake up in the middle of the night and talk to him .
I do not know if anyone does the jewellery in gold as I did not look for it , the piece that I bought was designed more for men to wear than women but I do not like charm bracelets and already wear my DF St Christoper necklace so the bracelet I got was the chunky guys silver one with the Aztec kind of design .
I had to have two links taken out ( £8 at InTime watch repairs ) .

I sincerely hope that you find the same kind of comfort in scattering your DH ash's as I have .

I'm a long time MNer but have NCed for this as my details are too specific.

I've scattered some of DH's ashes at the campsite of a music festival we went to year on year, and some in the moshpit he loved. Last week some in the grave of our beloved dog; DH loved him like a child. Some was given to his best friend when we went to the UK.

Too many loves in the paragraph, though I'm not sure you can have too much love.

to everyone.

I am going on the cruise on my own, which I am quite comfortable with as have already done 2 cruises on that ship. We should have been on it in August, but obviously I had to cancel. I looked for gold ashes jewellery and have found some I like, but at a starting price of £500 I think I might be giving that a miss!

We had the strangest experience while scattering my brothers ashes. We chose a site with wonderful views and neolithic burial grounds nearby, so a place associated with death for millenia. There was a bit of a breeze, and as we poured, the ashes formed into a cloudy mist and hovered over the hillside, gradually dispersing. There was very little left on the ground. We had a real sense that he had been set free, it was moving and wonderful at the same time.
I scattered both my parents ashes and certainly didn't get this effect - they just sat on the ground rather miserably.
Probably no longer relevant to the op, but just thought I would share.