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Bereavement

Find bereavement help and support from other Mumsnetters. See also your choices after baby loss.

Original poster

Lost my baby daughter , need some advice on life now

29 replies

MummyOfAnAngelxx · 02/10/2017 21:55

Hi All,
I lost my baby girl 2 months ago she was 2.5 months old and the most beautiful thing I've ever seen.
I am really struggling with her death I put on that brace front but all I want is my daughter I have yet to meet someone who is in the same situation or has been as at the support group I went to the parents had all had miscarriages ( which of course is still very traumatic ) but really am looking for some advice on what to do with my self, I went back to work as I thought it was the best thing to do but it's just made me more depressed.
I would love another child but boyfriend isn't up for it.
It's come to a stage where I don't know my self worth, if I'm not a mummy I'm nothing she was everything I wanted out of life and she was taken from me by fate.
So please if anyone had any advice on this please talk to me, I'm still very young but I feel like my calling in life is to be a mam is it too soon for me ? Boyfriend isn't up for it ? No one to talk to ? Counselling didn't do anything :(
Help please x

OP posts:
Yorkshirebornandbread · 03/10/2017 18:36

I'm so sorry to hear your sad news, I've had no experience of this so hope someone will come along with words of wisdom. Would you like to tell us a bit more about your precious daughter, if you feel able? Do you have any family to talk to? So very sorry.

DollyLlama · 03/10/2017 18:42

I'm sorry you're going through this.

I have no advice either, I just wanted to keep this bumped so hopefully someone who can offer you the advice you're looking for sees this.

Flowers be kind to yourself, it's still very early days.

toffee1000 · 03/10/2017 18:43

That sounds awful and I'm so sorry about your lovely girl. I can totally understand you wanting another, but I can also see your boyfriend's point of view; she only died two months ago and many would consider it too soon to try for another one. This is absolutely not to say you shouldn't have another one, but it may be a bit soon right now.

StealthPolarBear · 03/10/2017 18:43

Oh op I'm so sorry x

troodiedoo · 03/10/2017 18:45

So sorry for your loss of your little girl Flowers

highinthesky · 03/10/2017 18:46

Flowers and (((hugs))). Life is incredibly cruel and unfair at times but there is no quick fix here.

Your reaction is natural, but please give yourself a chance to grieve properly - at least 12 months - before you consider planning for another baby.

Backingvocals · 03/10/2017 18:59

Oh I'm so sorry. What an awful, awful thing to happen. You must feel so lost.

No advice as I have never experienced what you have but wanted to send you love as you grieve for your beautiful baby.

RavingRoo · 03/10/2017 19:04

Talking about what happened here and how it made you feel will help. You can always ask for the thread to be deleted if things get too difficult.

UnbornMortificado · 03/10/2017 19:06

I'm so sorry Mummy Flowers

I lost my son at a day old two years ago, I can't even imagine the pain of losing an older baby or child.

I want to tell you it gets easier to live with but I doubt you'd believe that right now.

There's too many posters on here who unfortunately will know what your going through.

I think talking about it can help sometimes if you ever feel like you want to there will always be someone on here to listen.

TaggieRR · 03/10/2017 19:07

I'm so sorry OP Flowers

RandomMess · 03/10/2017 19:12

So sorry Flowers have you contacted SANDS they may be able to put you in touch with other parents in a similar situation.

You take one day, even one hour at a time x x x

MoodyOne · 03/10/2017 19:14

I’m so sorry OP Flowers

Booagain · 03/10/2017 19:14

So sorry to hear about your loss. Like the others on here, be kind to yourself and keep talking to your boyfriend as you'll both be grieving differently and need each other's support.
I hope that you have a strong network around you as that will help no end. xx

Dizzywhore · 03/10/2017 20:02

So sorry for your loss. Be kind to yourself, give yourself time. It's ok to cry, to be upset. Don't put a brave face on for other people. If your feeling strong go out, have a little fun if you feel able. Don't feel guilty about having good days.
Lean on friends and family when you need to and please try talking to someone again. It might help in the end. Doctors can be very helpful Flowers

notarehearsal · 03/10/2017 20:13

I am so so sorry for the loss of your little girl. I hope you find that support from people around will help you get through this hell. You may find The Compassionate Friends useful. They are an organisation for bereaved parents and may have a local contact / group near you.

As for advice, the best I was given was don't put energy into fighting your feelings, whatever you feel, allow yourself to feel it. Grief after the loss of a child is indescribable, there is no pain like it in the world. It is also utterly exhausting and this is what many people don't understand, the total physical and mental exhaustion, so don't use your energy right now on anything that isn't necessary.
One day, but not yet, the pain will be less raw. For now just get through each day the best you can, sleep when you need to, cry when you need to and then one day you may find you can smile for a little while.

mnpeasantry · 03/10/2017 20:17

I have heard SANDS are a real lifeline for those who have experienced such an unspeakable loss as yours. You are an incredible person and amazing to feel that hope for the future. I wish you all the best.

Original poster
MummyOfAnAngelxx · 03/10/2017 22:27

Thank you all for tge replies her name was Isabella-Grace called her Bella tho she was a heart baby with hypoplastic left heart syndrome. it is the most severe heart condition in a baby ( which doctors failed to tell me when I was pregnant ) when she was born she was taken from and transported to the children's hospital after my ceserean st 8pm at 11am the next morning I pulled myself up out of bed and without any assistance got to the hospital to see my baby.
At 4 days old Bella had surgery number one, recovered in ICU for 1 week after that she was back in ICU 3 more times for kidney failure and heart complications.
After 6 long weeks I got my baby girl home finally until she caught a tummy bug and was rushed back into hospital. Within in 40 minutes she had a breathing tube and monitors connected up to her.
She recovered from that and was looking good till a doctor came out of no where that my daughter was dying.
He told me that the Sunday and the Friday she passed away in my arms.
I spent 2 months day and nights with my little girl in hospital, every moment I was with her and now she's gone I'm just broken.
My family don't talk about it really just want someone to talk to, I will look at all these recommendations for support groups
Thank you all xx

OP posts:
Booagain · 03/10/2017 22:47

Bella sounds wonderful, I'm sure she knew that you and your boyfriend both adored her.
You can also use us to support you if you want to share more :) but I would broach it with your family, they might not know what to say to you so might be keeping silent. they will be worried about you and your partner, I'm certain x

NomDePrune · 03/10/2017 22:51

So sorry for your loss, and may I also recommend Compassionate Friends. www.tcf.org.uk/
They have a helpline manned by volunteers who are also bereaved parents.

PinkFluffyFairy · 04/10/2017 06:05

I'm really sorry OP. Xx

RoryItsSnowing · 04/10/2017 07:38

I'm so sorry for the loss of your angel. What's your beautiful girls name?
You will always be a mummy, nobody can ever take that away from you.

RoryItsSnowing · 04/10/2017 07:39

Sorry just seen you've mentioned her name already. Sending you love and Flowers

UnbornMortificado · 04/10/2017 08:04

Bella is a beautiful name Flowers

The way you talk about her it sounds like for however short a time she may have been with you for she knew a lot of love.

You will always be her mammy.

heddbach · 04/10/2017 08:18

I am so very sorry to read about your loss. I have no experience of losing a child but have, like everyone else, experienced bereavement. What I will say is please be kind to yourself. This is still very early days and you must take one day at a time. I would thoroughly recommend counselling but maybe it is just too soon for that to work for you right now. But please don't dismiss it completely, it may help you in the future. Take all the help and support you can get and try to speak to others who have similar experiences. Sending you big hugs.

Angelmummy92 · 09/10/2017 18:35

Hi, I'm new to this so not really sure how I do it. I had my first baby in march sadly she was premature and gained her angel wings at 2 days old. Its coming up to Christmas and I want to put something special on her grave any ideas. Also if anyone been through the same thing I would like to get my husband something from our daughter not sure what to get. Truly heartbroken that Christmas she won't be in our arms.

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