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Bereavement

Find bereavement help and support from other Mumsnetters. See also your choices after baby loss.

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Original poster

My gorgeous son passed away. He was 28 :(

33 replies

StantonDrew · 26/04/2017 02:40

I don't know how to 'be' any more. Nothing feels normal. I feel as though I'm in a nightmare that I'm continually pleading to be woken up from. How on earth can I survive this? I don't even know how to relate to people any more. How do I keep getting up each day? I guess this is a call for help :(

OP posts:

Orangebird69 · 26/04/2017 02:42

I'm so sorry op. My dsis lost her son in January. He was 22. Do you want to talk about your son?

Isadora2007 · 26/04/2017 02:55

So sorry for your loss. It's an awful awful tragedy for any mother to suffer the death of a child. Have you support with you now?

FataliePorkman · 26/04/2017 02:55

Hand hold OP. Here if you want to chat.

Atenco · 26/04/2017 03:01

So sorry, Stanton, you must miss him so much.

anahata · 26/04/2017 03:04

Hi OP

Just to say I'm up too so can offer a hand to hold. So incredibly sorry xx

OMGBecky · 26/04/2017 03:13

I'm so sorry for the loss of your son. If only there were words to make it better. Sending you a hug and wishing you strength.

MrsCobain · 26/04/2017 03:15

I'm so sorry. Xx

WildKiwi · 26/04/2017 03:19

So sorry for your loss If you think talking might help, say anything you want to on here.

WhistlerGrey · 26/04/2017 03:40

I am so very sorry for the loss of your beautiful boy. X

VoldemortsOffspring · 26/04/2017 03:46

I cannot begin to imagine the pain you're feeling right now.

So sorry.

Would you like to tell us what happened?

WhereTheFuckIsMyFuckingCoat · 26/04/2017 03:48

There's nothing I can say other than I'm so very sorry. I'm on the other side of the world so awake and here for a while if you need to chat.

Pallisers · 26/04/2017 03:49

So so sorry for your terrible loss. Would it help if you told us about him and his life?

My best friend lost her daughter aged 18, a couple of years ago now. It was overwhelmingly awful for her. I think she kept going by going to work because when she had to actually really engage at work, she had to stop thinking about her dd. She also set up various things in the future that focused her but were about her dd - like a run for a charity in her name, a concert for charity ditto, an anniversary party etc. She also writes about her dd a lot.

Still doesn't take away the blighting pain though.

If it is any any slight consolation to you, I was at a party a few weeks ago and looked over at my MIL, her friend and my aunt chatting and laughing. My MIL lost a son age 2. Her friend lost her son to cancer age 27. My aunt lost her son to suicide age 31. These three women had gone through hell and felt the pain every day - but, after years (nearly 50 in the case of MIL) they had also lots of times of living, laughing, enjoying life.

My MIL told me once "well if someone had chopped off my arm it would have been easier of course"

Thinking of you and your son.

troodiedoo · 26/04/2017 03:49

So sorry for the loss of your son. Tell us about him if you feel up to it.

Hooleywhipper · 26/04/2017 03:50

I am so so sorry

Original poster

StantonDrew · 26/04/2017 04:14

Thank you . His name is Scott. He was funny, kind, handsome, daring and loved life to the fullest. He was an amazing Dad to our beautiful 3 year old grandson. He passed away from unknown causes 2 weeks ago. It's an ongoing investigation. I feel as though my heart has been ripped out of my chest and shredded to pieces. I can hardly breathe and instead of it starting to feel better as each day passes, it actually feels worse when I don't know how the hell that's possible. I struggle with the fact that life just keeps moving. It shouldn't and it can't but yet it does :( Family members have been amazing and so have friends but I don't feel like anyone actually knows how I'm really feeling. I can't even express it to help them understand.

OP posts:

WildKiwi · 26/04/2017 04:35

Once again I am so so sorry. Scott sounds absolutely wonderful.

I cannot possibly imagine how you feel, but just wanted to let you know that people are out there to listen to anything you want to say.

Rainbowqueeen · 26/04/2017 04:46

I am so so sorry. What a horrible time for your family

He sounds like a son to be proud of

BlueChairs · 26/04/2017 04:57

I'm so sorry OP, I hope whatever god or not god Scott believed in is looking after him. Bless his soul and the life he led and bless you as his mother. Would love to say it will get easier but I'm not sure that it will. Take solace and give all your love to your grandson. I hope Scott is watching you and smiling.

BlueChairs · 26/04/2017 04:59

Just remember that time does pass ... year upon year, season after season, century after century. As much as we want this to stop, at some point we will all be together .

kiwimumof2boys · 26/04/2017 05:00

So sorry OP. PM me if you want to talk about loss.

Vigbymumparis · 26/04/2017 05:04

So sorry for your loss OP. What a horrific shock and every mother's worst nightmare. And made worse by the fact that you feel no one else really understands what you're going through, in spite of wanting to be supportive.
It does sound as though you need to talk and talk and talk to make sense of it all. And also to take very good care of yourself so you can carry on putting one foot in front of the other.
I heard about this group recently, for all bereaved parents whatever their age, the age of their DC or the amount of time that has passed, maybe you could find people there you could share your feelings with:
www.careforthefamily.org.uk/family-life/bereavement-support/bereaved-parent-support

Archduke · 26/04/2017 05:09

Stanton I am so very sorry, what a terrible terrible loss.

When you speak about your feelings you are so clear and powerful. My own daughter had a very serious accident last year (thankfully she is still with us) but I recognise those feelings of your heart being absolutely shredded. It is a very very physical feeling. You are living through every parent's worst nightmare and I am so sorry.

Your loss is so recent and so raw, can you find comfort in speaking about Scott with your family and friends? It's so utterly terrible as grief is so personal and we are so isolated in our grief.

I wish there was something other than sympathy that I could offer.

PollytheDolly · 26/04/2017 05:11

So sorry xx

CloneClubSestra · 26/04/2017 05:21

So sorry
It sucks that the sun rises every day without your son. Grief is awful and even breathing can be difficult. Be kind to yourself.

Mummyoflittledragon · 26/04/2017 05:23

I'm so sorry for your loss. I can only understand a tiny snippet of pain you are suffering when my dds heart stopped beating for the first time and she looked dead. The panic and shock was unbearable. I now know she has a medical condition and it restarts very quickly. Those were the longest few seconds of my life.

You lost your beautiful boy, who you nurtured and loved. A father and loving son. Take care of yourself and do whatever you need to do to help yourself through your grief.

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