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Bereavement

Find bereavement help and support from other Mumsnetters. See also your choices after baby loss.

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Original poster

Things just keep getting worse, im so desperate

35 replies

LeahRose09 · 09/08/2016 14:41

Hi everyone, I hope you're all ok. Im not too sure if I've posted in the right place, but I just need someone to tell me things will be ok.

My partner was diagnosed with stage 4 stomach cancer in January this year and passed away in March. It literally tore my world apart, I still can't get over the fact he's gone :(

I have a 2 year old with him and I do my best to keep happy when she's around me, but when she asks where daddy is, my heart breaks all over again :(

Things are really dire right now, I had to give up work to look after all of us, which I loved because it meant we were all together for his final weeks. I kept busy looking after him, my daughter and the house. Now he's gone, I find that I have too much time to think no matter how busy I am :(

I'm just so heartbroken no matter how hard I try to keep a brave face. I've no money, hardly any food. I've not washed my hair for 2 weeks, I've not showered for 4 days and I've hardly eaten in a week just to make sure my daughter eats, I mainly just eat any left overs. I really don't know what to do anymore. I'm 22 and my life and my world is falling apart. It feels like I can't save it no matter how much I try.

Are there any charities who are able to help out in times like these? I've tried a quick search but I just can't muster up the energy to keep looking. It just feels easier to give up than carry on. My daughter is the only one keeping me on earth.

Sorry for my post being so morbid. I just don't know what to do anymore, I can't cope now. I'm trying but it's so hard. I just want him back so much :'( xx

OP posts:

BeingATwatItsABingThing · 09/08/2016 16:08

Firstly, I am so sorry for your loss. I can't imagine how you must be feeling.

Secondly, you need to be eating and washing properly. This may be a mammoth task right now but letting your health deteriorate won't help you to feel better and your DD needs you to be healthy.

Do you have anyone to talk to IRL? A parent or friend? Talking about him will be hard at first but it will get easier with time.

I don't know about any charities but I'll have a look now. I'm sure other MNers will have advice on this topic.

BeingATwatItsABingThing · 09/08/2016 16:11

www.cruse.org.uk/

I've read a few things that say that Cruse is the best for dealing with bereavement.

Original poster

LeahRose09 · 09/08/2016 16:58

Thank you so much for talking to me. I really appreciate it.

I had to have a giggle at your username, first time I've actually felt a real giggle for a while :)

My family and I don't speak to each other any more and his family haven't bothered with us for years. I just feel so alone here.

I'll check out the crude website later on once the little one is asleep.

I'm trying to carry on as normal as I can, but I just throw myself into keeping my daughter happy and I forget to do certain things like cleaning myself, I think I may have to set an alarm if not everyday then every other day.

Thank you for taking the time out to talk to me, I really do appreciate it so much x

OP posts:

Backinthe1960s · 09/08/2016 17:51

When my wife died I thought my life was at an end. It wasn't - I battled on and in the end was able to find happiness in a second marriage. But yes sometimes it really was just "one day at a time" just like the experts say.

But creating ill-health in yourself by neglect isn't the way to go, trust me!

BeingATwatItsABingThing · 09/08/2016 17:58

I'm glad my username gave you a laugh.

I found your message in the unanswered section and just couldn't leave it unanswered. I also hoped that if I bumped it to active that more MNers with some experience would read it and offer you advice.

You are doing a fantastic job, keeping going for your DD. She is very lucky to have you being so strong for her.

Original poster

LeahRose09 · 09/08/2016 18:25

Hi blackinthe1960s, I'm so sorry you had to go through that. I'm trying my hardest to keep on top of my health, I just keep forgetting to do things. I'm glad you've managed to come through all of the heartache x

OP posts:

BeingATwatItsABingThing · 09/08/2016 18:28

Maybe make yourself a to do list for each day and tick it off as you go along. Include things like having a shower and three good meals if you are forgetting to do them.

sooperdooper · 09/08/2016 18:32

So sorry you're going through this :(

Are there food banks in your area who could help with food? I think most areas have them

Have you been to see your GP? They might be able to suggest where you can find support networks near you

Stay strong :)

blue2014 · 09/08/2016 18:41

Sweetheart I'm so sorry you are going through this, March is still so early in the bereavement process its normal to feel awful or even worse right now. I promise it will hurt less in time.

blue2014 · 09/08/2016 18:42

Sweetheart I'm so sorry you are going through this, March is still so early in the bereavement process its normal to feel awful or even worse right now. I promise it will hurt less in time.

Original poster

LeahRose09 · 09/08/2016 22:38

Hi, sorry for the late reply, little one fell asleep then I did too. I can't get a referral to the food bank as I've used them twice in the past couple of months. I've got an appointment with the doctors next week, which is the earliest I could get one so I can ask about maybe having some counselling or finding a support group.

I'm just sad and angry with it all, I miss him my daughter misses her dad. I know it'll get easier in time, it's just taking a while x

OP posts:

MyNightWithMaud · 09/08/2016 22:45

I'm so sorry for what you have been through and are still going through. As well as Cruse, there is a group called Widowed and Young who might be able to help you.

One day at a time.

Original poster

LeahRose09 · 09/08/2016 23:21

Thank you, I'll check them out later on. Its hard, if feels the more help I receive, the more real it is, the easier it'll be to get over and then the fear of forgetting him hits me x

OP posts:

BeingATwatItsABingThing · 10/08/2016 03:20

You won't forget him OP. It is ok to carry on with your life and try to find happiness. No one will think you have forgotten him, I promise.

MyNightWithMaud · 10/08/2016 08:07

You will never forget him but, with help and support, you'll reach a point where you'll be able to look back with love at the time you had together.

Original poster

LeahRose09 · 10/08/2016 11:48

I hope so :( I've another question, I've heard of something called food bank, does anyone know how I can get in contact to get some help with food? I never thought I'd have to literally be begging for food :( this is just too much

OP posts:

Original poster

LeahRose09 · 10/08/2016 11:50

Sorry, meant to add church to food bank x

OP posts:

TheInternetIsForPorn · 10/08/2016 12:06

Where are you based. Someone on here might have knowledge of local charities who can help you f you give a vague location?

What you are going through is so hard. I can't imagine. But the advice to try and achieve something every day is good. Why not make your challenge tomorrow to shower and wash your hair? It sounds small but in the place you are now its huge.

I lost my dad which is different, obviously, but found that trying to do one or two 'normal' things everyday helped.

Un-mumsnetty hug to you X

BeingATwatItsABingThing · 10/08/2016 12:16

I don't know about any food banks specifically but I know Tesco have a collection basket for people to donate into. What charity does that food go to?

It is also difficult to know which charities can help you because we don't know where you are. Maybe visit your local church and ask to speak to someone. They might be able to help you. Did you DH have life insurance? There must surely be some government help you can access as well. Many visit your local Money Advice Service.

www.citizensadvice.org.uk/about-us/how-we-provide-advice/advice-partnerships/money-advice-services/

Original poster

LeahRose09 · 10/08/2016 12:18

Thank you for the hug :) I'm in a little village in north Wales. I've used the normal foodbank before as the Macmillan nurse mentioned it to us but I've used my 2 referrals. I heard that churches can help but I've no idea who to contact to ask, I've walked past the local church today but it's not open and there's no number that I can see to call someone x

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Original poster

LeahRose09 · 10/08/2016 12:20

I'm near rhyd-ddu in Wales x

OP posts:

TheInternetIsForPorn · 10/08/2016 12:39

Cruse north wales are here:
http://www.crusenorthwalesarea.btck.co.uk

They are specific to your region.

A little later I'll have a search for any other local support that might be useful. Assuming no one else has been able to offer any ideas.

Original poster

LeahRose09 · 10/08/2016 12:59

Thank you. I've been trying to search myself, but then I keep getting really panicked, can't breathe properly and my heart beats so quick. I've managed to wash my hair though! So that's a bonus x

OP posts:

TheInternetIsForPorn · 10/08/2016 14:10

It's all consuming. But it will gradually, very gradually get easier to manage the day to
Day stuff.

Well done for washing your hair! Brilliant job done, achievements achieved!

Do you think you could manage a cup of tea and a biscuit / bit of fruit for your next challenge?

Original poster

LeahRose09 · 10/08/2016 19:25

Sorry for the late reply. I've only got biscuits and bananas for my daughter, I'd feel too guilty if i ate her food as we don't have much until I can contact a church for a food parcel x

OP posts:

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