Active discussions

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Bereavement

Find bereavement help and support from other Mumsnetters. See also your choices after baby loss.

Original poster

My neice just lost her baby

39 replies

sandcastlesforanaussiexmas · 05/12/2006 00:54

That's it really.

She is 17, 23 weeks. Due 4 weeks before her mum. She had to give birth. Choose not to name her. Baby was 1lb.

She had been bleeding and not told anyone, then went on to develope stomach cramps.

I can't be there with her but apperntlt her df is being great!

Don't know why I'm posting, but I just needed to get it out!

OP posts:
MerryChristmasfromQV · 05/12/2006 01:10

poor thing.

HumphreyCushiONtheFirstNoel · 05/12/2006 01:10

What a terribly sad thing for your family to go through.
I hope you all get lots of support.

Original poster
sandcastlesforanaussiexmas · 05/12/2006 01:13

Thank you for your messages.

It's just hard as they are all in the UK & I am here, in Oz.

Her df is being fantastic, but equally is as distraught as dn!

I just see more heartache when her mum has HER baby, because she should be holding a beautiful baby girl by then!

OP posts:
mamama · 05/12/2006 01:16

How awful

I'm so sorry

Wish I had something more helpful to say

Original poster
sandcastlesforanaussiexmas · 05/12/2006 01:18

Thank You. mamama, that's ok. I haven't much more helpful to say to her either. They are all in bed now, dh is at work & I ca't get hold of anyone here, so I just posted it to get it out!

OP posts:
2000milestoeidsvold · 05/12/2006 02:00

oh sandcastles so sad to read this...

can empathise with the distance thing.

Just to let her know she is in your thoughts can help.

will be tough for her in the months to come

Original poster
sandcastlesforanaussiexmas · 05/12/2006 02:15

thank you eidsvold. Without a doubt, had I been there, I would be next to her. W are very very close.

She is still in hospital, it is that new. So have sent love & such via her mum. The unfortuanet thing is, we all only found out 3/4 weks ago. She had been hiding it. So I have just sent her a letter of support, asking all about baby etc.... Mum is going to explain & see what she want to do!

OP posts:
Original poster
sandcastlesforanaussiexmas · 05/12/2006 02:16

Sorry, not clear. The letter is due to arrive any day now!

OP posts:
heavenlyghosty · 05/12/2006 03:02

Sandcastles sorry to hear this. My thoughts are with you and your family, your niece and her partner especially. {{{}}}

Original poster
sandcastlesforanaussiexmas · 05/12/2006 03:08

Thank you ghosty.

OP posts:
BudaBauble · 05/12/2006 05:08

Oh how sad sandcastles. Brings home the distance issue when something like this happens. Makes you feel so helpless.

I too wish I could say something helpful.

Original poster
sandcastlesforanaussiexmas · 05/12/2006 05:44

buda, thank you. Just for posting!

I couldn't think of anything to say to her mum when she told me. Just nothing!

OP posts:
humpydumpy · 05/12/2006 06:25

Sorry to hear about your niece. It's not nice being so far from home at times like these. It's good to hear her df is being such a good support for her.

Original poster
sandcastlesforanaussiexmas · 05/12/2006 07:26

Thanks humpty. Her mum seems to think this will make them stronger, I hope so.

OP posts:
MusicLover · 05/12/2006 12:28

Oh sandcastles, how awful, for all of you!

There is never a good time but right before xmas is just awful too.

My condolences for all of you. You must feel beside yourself being so far away too.
That poor girl, hope she is getting lots of support from her family.

((((big hugs))))

Original poster
sandcastlesforanaussiexmas · 05/12/2006 12:31

Thank You musiclover. I think the distnce is making all the more harder!

Trying to arrange flowers for her! But I can't think straight, hence not having been on Pages thread today!

OP posts:
Ally90 · 05/12/2006 14:03

So sorry Sandcastles, sat with tears in my eyes. So hard not to be able to give your niece a big hug.

xxxx

USAUKMum · 05/12/2006 14:21

sorry to hear for your neice's loss.

My aunt planted an everygreen for my son Robert who was born at 20wks. It meant alot to me. I'm in the UK, but my family in the US.

MusicLover · 05/12/2006 14:21

im sure pages will understand sandcastles.

consentrate on yourself & your family for now, thats your main priority really.

keep holding out to your neice, Im sure she will be reaching out for you.
your poor auntie must be feeling so guilty too

Ive shed a tear for you all, now Im thinking of you all at this sad time.
Feel helpless really as you must do too.
FWIW
Is your neice from mum or dads side of the family sandcastles. just thought Id ask!

Original poster
sandcastlesforanaussiexmas · 05/12/2006 20:51

Thank You for your kind wishes again.

ML, She's my sister's daughter.

USAUK, that sounds nice. I wonder if they have thought about anything like that! Will mention at a good time.

OP posts:
XMASisFULLofFestiveMusicLovers · 05/12/2006 21:04

sandcastles, my brain was just not working at all when I asked you that question, was it?
got myself all mixed up with cousins instead of neices. Sorry.

jeangenie · 05/12/2006 21:08

I'm so sorry

my sister went through this less than a year ago and we are in different counties - it was so hard to know how to support from a distance when all you want to do is hug them and hug them and cry

write her another letter

poor thing

morningpaper · 05/12/2006 21:10

The poor thing, that is something that no one should have to go through, and so awful at such a tender age

She is in my thoughts and prayers

Original poster
sandcastlesforanaussiexmas · 05/12/2006 22:25

MP, thank you. She hasn't done so well today. But they did have a blessing & named her. Which I am glad about. I suggested maybe planting a tree as memorium for them. Mum said she will suggest it.

jeangenie, that's exactly it! I just want to hold her take it all away! I am tryng to arrange flowers.

Ml, don't worry, didn't even notice!

Haven't spoken to her yet. Apart form her mum & df she isn't talking to anyone.

OP posts:
XMASisFULLofFestiveMusicLovers · 06/12/2006 10:15

Morning Sandcastles, (Evening to you!)

How you bearing up this morning?
Is your neice talking to anyone yet?

Just want to let you know, your all still in my thoughts this morning.

When I lost my baby @ 20wks & too had to give birth, I truely felt that I was on the verge of sanity/insanity. It was such an awful way to feel, I so wish I could just (((hug))) her & you.
I didnt want to be left alone,& I know if I hadnt have already had my DS (who was only 8 months)I really dont know how Id coped.

Im 9 yrs down the line & all I can say is...it does get easier to deal with. They say you cant replace them, but 6 yrs later I had my DD, felt very anxious throughout pregnancy, but when I had her....well...it was just overwhelming.
I felt that she was a gift from heaven & made me feel a whole lot better & I really dont dwell on it anymore.

Feel so sad for you all Sandcastles (((hugs)))