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Original poster

i lost my son 9 years ago tomorrow

34 replies

xmasmummy · 27/11/2006 22:51

my son was sb at 43 weeks nine years ago tomorrow. no one but me seems to remember and i am finding it hard. he was my first and i was just 16 when i had him. i have since had four live births but the pain never goes. i am meeting my mum in town and i dont even think she remembers what day it is. what should i do?

OP posts:
cece · 27/11/2006 22:53

So sorry Is there a special place or grave you could visit?

hulababy · 27/11/2006 22:53

I am so sorry for the loss of your little boy I hope you find time for yourself tomorrow.

I am sure MN would love to hear more about your boy, if you feel you wish to share your memories.

BuffysMum · 27/11/2006 22:54

Do what you need to do, I can imagine how it doesn't get any easier. Perhaps you should start a tradition of remembering him where you do something and get those around you involved in it for your support. Hugs

AitchTwoOh · 27/11/2006 22:54

i don't know what you should do, other than speak to your mum, your boy's grandma, and ask her if she remembers. i just didn't want your post to go unanswered, really, but i'm afraid i don't have anything useful to say. you have my deepest sympathies.

busybusymum · 27/11/2006 22:56

first

Why dont you buy a little trinket to remember him by.

(when I had a mc (I know its not as bad as what you've been through) I bought a little china bear and a bear necklace which I cherish)

Thinking of you with love xx

fartoobuzzi · 27/11/2006 22:57

Tell her and talk

We talk and remember things about our family that are still with us... you DS is still very much in your heart and your thougts, so there is no reason you should not talk about your DS with your mother. Tell her it helps, I am sure she will understand.

Saturn74 · 27/11/2006 22:58

I lost my son at 24 weeks nearly 10 years ago. My DH and my children mention him, but the rest of the family don't.
We always go out for the day on the anniversary of his death, and talk about what we think he'd be like if he was here with us.
Do you have anyone you can talk about your first son to? Maybe tell your Mum that you need him to remembered 'out loud'; perhaps she doesn't mention him because she thinks it will upset you too much?

hulababy · 27/11/2006 22:59

I agree - talk to your mum tomorrow. Share your memories.

EmmyLou · 27/11/2006 22:59

So sorry - will think of you and your son tomorrow

KezzaG · 27/11/2006 23:00

How awful for you xmasmummy.

My mum had a son who was sb over 30 years ago and I know she is still upset by it. When I had my ds it was bittersweet for her as it obviously brought back memories of the ds she lost.

Her mum did not mention it either, but just before she died she told my mum she thought about her grandson all the time, and they both cried together. It meant a lot to my mum.

Is it possible your mum doesnt want to bring it up for fear of upsetting you?

The suggestion of having some kind of tradition seems lovely.

I will be thinking of you tomorrow.

Original poster
xmasmummy · 27/11/2006 23:00

i will be going to visit his grave tomorrow once i have reminded mum of what day it is. hula ty that is so nice i would love to share my memories. his name is robert john, he was born at 10.50 am on 28 nov 1997 weighing 8lb 5oz. he was just about the most perfect baby you have ever seen. i didnt have too bad a labour- 8 1/2 hours but knew from the start that he had passed away. i did have a difficult delivery which resulted in me having 38 stitches. and there isnt a day goes by that i dont miss him terribly. i now have four wonderful children, two boys and two girls but i still wonder what he would be like now. the grief is still all consuming, im not a crying person but am sat here with tears streaming down my face.

OP posts:
Original poster
xmasmummy · 27/11/2006 23:02

my mum bought me a silver cross to remember himby. i dont normally wear jewellry but will wear it tomorrow

OP posts:
hulababy · 27/11/2006 23:03

I will be thinking of you and Robert John tomorrow, and his brothers and sisters.

Original poster
xmasmummy · 27/11/2006 23:05

ty hula it means a lot

OP posts:
fartoobuzzi · 27/11/2006 23:07

My heart goes out to you. Have you ever thought of writing your thoughts down. I have found it helps, poems, letters, a diary in which you can say what you feel. It is so hard.
Please carry on sharing your memories here. I am sure others will listen.

Quootiepie · 27/11/2006 23:09

Hiya,
I cant offer much in the way of support, im not very good at this sort of thing, but didnt want to read then not say anything. {{hugs}} Ill be thinking of you & Robert John tomorrow {{hugs}} xxx

Original poster
xmasmummy · 27/11/2006 23:11

ty all, in case your wondering robert died from a heart problem which meant had he been born alive he prob wouldnt have lived long anyway. thank fully none of my other kids have it

OP posts:
fartoobuzzi · 27/11/2006 23:14

Thinking of you and Robert John tomorrow, please say something to your mum.

Original poster
xmasmummy · 27/11/2006 23:21

i will talk to mum she will take me to crem

OP posts:
AtterySquash · 27/11/2006 23:41

I will be thinking of you all too, xmasmummy, particularly your beautiful boy.

xx

swedishmum · 28/11/2006 00:47

Thinking of you and your son. My dd was born on 23/11/95 and died the following day. Will spend quiet time for you as well as for my dd
XXX

swedishmum · 28/11/2006 00:51

xm,my baby had a heart problem too - hypoplastic left heart. I too now have four healthy children. Wishing you all the bestxx

KezzaG · 28/11/2006 09:30

How are you today xmasmummy? Just wanted to let you know I am thinking of you and Robert John.

winnie · 28/11/2006 09:38

xmasmummy, thinking of you and your ds today.

Marina · 28/11/2006 09:43

Thinking of you and Robert today Xmasmummy

We have a crabapple tree (triplets' suggestion) in our garden for Thomas, but nowadays only a couple of close friends (our children's godparents, both of whom know all about the death of a baby sadly ) remember him with us. My mother prefers to pretend he never existed and it's a rift between us that I find hard to ignore.
We also buy something for the Christmas tree every year in his honour.
Like you, I am fortunate enough to have two wonderful living children, but in my heart and at our table there will always be someone missing. XXX