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Bereavement

Find bereavement help and support from other Mumsnetters. See also your choices after baby loss.

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Original poster

My beautiful mum has just passed away :(

44 replies

Hjb2410 · 27/12/2014 01:07

My beautiful mum passed away very suddenly and unexpectedly on 23/12/14.
I'm absolutely heartbroken and devastated. I don't know what to do or how to cope with everything that's coming my way now :(

OP posts:

QuickSilverFairy · 27/12/2014 01:11

Hjb, I'm so very sorry. You must feel bereft losing your lovely mum so suddenly. I hope that you are surrounded by family and friends who love you. Please know I will be thinking about you

Archduke · 27/12/2014 01:12

Oh no, Hjb that's so awful. You poor thing. Do you have other family around to support you?

for you - I'm so sorry for your loss.

Merriboo · 27/12/2014 01:12

hjb I'm so sorry. I lost my mum in September and it's just awful.
Prayers and thoughts for you

tyaca · 27/12/2014 01:14

I'm so sorry to hear about your loss. x

Original poster

Hjb2410 · 27/12/2014 01:15

I've got my dad and my brother and my boyfriend.
It's hit us so very hard and I don't know what to do :(
She did everything for us and I don't even know where to start let alone how to manage without her :(
My grandparents who are my mums parents are very elderly and it's hit them hard and I don't want to see them go in a home
I feel like I've so much going in in my mind I don't know what to do :(

OP posts:

Archduke · 27/12/2014 01:20

Hjb one step at a time, love. Of course you are all knocked for six right now. You must be all in shock and barely able to start grieving let alone planning for the future.

Take your time, don't worry about tomorrow, or next week or when/if your grandparents need to go in a home, just concentrate on the here and now, take care of yourself and your db, dp and dad.

If your mind feels too cluttered just concentrate on sitting quietly and breathing for a while, until that feeling passes.

Original poster

Hjb2410 · 27/12/2014 01:23

I'm absolutely heartbroken :( I just can't get over it happening. I miss her so much already.
Everyone keeps telling me it will get easier but I can't see how it will..

OP posts:

QuickSilverFairy · 27/12/2014 01:25

Honey, you have had a terrible shock. Try to take things very slowly, you don't have to make any decisions right now. I'm sure your heart is so very heavy right now, surrounding yourself with those that love you is the most important thing. It sounds like your mum took care of her parents. They must be heart broken as well. Can you all stay together for the time being? Are their relatives you can contact to help you make decisions about their care, when the time comes?

I am sending you hugs. Look after yourself as best you can during this time. Please try to eat and drink when you can...xx

QuickSilverFairy · 27/12/2014 01:27

Hjb, are there things you would like to tell us about your mum?

Original poster

Hjb2410 · 27/12/2014 01:33

My mum did take care of her parents- she was there main carer.
Thankfully they only live a couple of doors down from us so we are all very close. My grandad has dementia and I don't know if he fully understands what's going on.

My mum was the best mum ever she was so kind and helpful and would do anything for anyone else. She was not only my mum but my best friend aswell. Me my mum and nana we were the three musketeers x

OP posts:

Notmeagain1 · 27/12/2014 02:08

Hjb, I am so very sorry for your loss. You are allowed to be sad, cry, scream and be mad as hell for the loss of your beautiful mum. My heart goes out to you.

Lean on each other to get through the next few days.

Be kind to yourself and cherish the memories. Rest in peace hjb's mum.

QuickSilverFairy · 27/12/2014 02:26

She sounds fabulous. I bet she was well chuffed to have a daughter who was her best friend :) We read so many threads about mums/daughters at odds. You clearly loved your mum and shared a special bond. I'm hoping you might get some rest tonight. Take care..xx

Theas18 · 27/12/2014 02:32

Much hugs for you op ((()))

IAmNotAPrincessIAmAKahleesi · 27/12/2014 02:40

I'm so very sorry

It's just so awful and unfair

Please try to be kind to yourself, there are no right or wrong ways to get through something like this. As others have said just try to take things a day at a time or even an hour if needs be, you must be so overwhelmed but you don't need to decide or plan things right now

Your mum sounds so lovely xxxx

Italiangreyhound · 27/12/2014 02:41

So very sorry for you, Hjb.

Please can I just say if you need more support there is a charity for bereavement called Cruse

You said My grandparents who are my mums parents are very elderly and it's hit them hard and I don't want to see them go in a home Try not to worry about this just yet. Your mum has died and you need to adjust to this new state of affairs, to remember her and all she means to you, to grieve and to share memories with your immediate family and wider family. Try not to worry about your grandparents at the moment, aside from the fact they are, of course, grieving greatly too.

Just so you know my mum has dementia and is in a home. It is really the very best place for her and I am sure with your grandparents you will all as a family make the wise decisions about their care when you need to.

Bless you.

Original poster

Hjb2410 · 27/12/2014 10:08

She hadn't been very well but it was just a chest infection and we thought she was getting better :( my dad said she went for a lie down because she was feeling tired.
But she didn't wake up :( I keep hearing it over and over in my head my dad trying to wake her and I had to carry out CPR and I can't stop the counting in my head :(
We tried but it wasn't enough :(

OP posts:

AnimalsAreMyFriends · 27/12/2014 10:11

Oh sweetheart I am so sorry, what an awful thing to have to deal with.

Look after yourself, and take things one day at a time.

Sending love and strength x

Back2Two · 27/12/2014 10:13

This reply has been withdrawn

This post has been withdrawn due to privacy concerns

MinceSpy · 27/12/2014 10:16

I am so sorry for your loss. You did all you could for your mum, what a terrible shock for you all.

Shoegal0305 · 27/12/2014 10:18

I'm so sorry OP. In tears reading it all I feel your pain I lost my dad suddenly at Christmas 20 years ago. He was my best friend. I'm living proof that time does change things, it will get 'easier' the pain will subside. You are trying to think too far ahead which is why you can't see past it. Time doesn't heal in a set number of weeks/months. It just 'happens'. Try and get through each day as it comes, one step at a time. You and your family will get through it, life has to continue despite what it throws at us. You sound like you're a close family. Much love to you all xxx

nuts2you · 27/12/2014 10:18

I'm so sorry for your loss. How I wish I could do more than just typing those words. :( I feel for you.

Original poster

Hjb2410 · 27/12/2014 10:22

@shoegal0305
How do you manage?
I feel so lost and don't know what to do? All I want to do is stay in bed and not get up because then I'm starting another day and I can't do it without my mum :(

OP posts:

Shoegal0305 · 27/12/2014 10:31

I don't know how you get thru it hunni, you just do, as what's the alternative? I wish I knew a magic spell or a formula I could give you. If you want to stay in bed, do so. If you want to curl up in a ball, do so. You don't have to be seen living your life as normal given what's happened.I'm trying to think what advice I'd give myself ....... I think I'd just say you have to take each minute/hour/day as it comes.you will be up and down like a roller coaster right now. I was. It passed in a blur I think our brains tend to 'forget' a lot as I can't remember much about the weeks after my dad died.talk about your mum a lot, try and share all your beautiful memories with your family. I'm going to PM you as things I want to say but not publicly....... Xxxx

QuickSilverFairy · 27/12/2014 15:36

Thinking of you today. I wish there was a way to remove all the pain you are feeling. Grief is a strange thing, comes in waves, subsides a bit, washes over you again. You are still brand new to it, do what you need to to get through this time. Losing a beloved mother is so hard on the heart...(( hugs))

ImNotCute · 27/12/2014 16:53

Hjb- I lost my mum suddenly on 23rd dec 2013, so I'm a year on from where you are now.

My heart goes out to you, it's such a tough thing to go through. You will get through this but I think in the early days all you can do is keep putting one foot in front of the other. Your emotions will be all over the place for a while, I'm sure you can't even really believe it's real just yet.

Try to take care of yourself and your close family as well as you can- just the basics of making sure you're eating, drinking and trying to sleep will help you to stay strong enough to cope with this somehow.

A year on my family is still incredibly sad at losing my mum, but the pain is a lot less acute and we are better able to appreciate all the good times we had before we lost her. Being a great mum she did a wonderful job of raising us, so the fact that we can carry on without her is testament to her.

Best wishes to you and your family x

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