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Bereavement

Find bereavement help and support from other Mumsnetters. See also your choices after baby loss.

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Original poster

fuming - need advice - almost in tears.....

37 replies

KateRaeganandMichael · 11/09/2013 20:23

OK (this might not make a bunch of sense)

so today I have found out that the girlfriend of my dh's best friend has decided to write a book About (with a view to publishing and profiting from) my angel twins who were born sleeping after battling ttts.........without even asking us our opinion....

I am obviously not happy (I'm shaking writing this) and I don't want this to go ahead. I don't know what to do.

OP posts:

GroupieGirl · 11/09/2013 20:37

I don't really have any practical suggestions (other than for your DH to point out to his friend how hurtful and inappropriate this is), but I can quite see how angry you would be about this.

Presumably she couldn't name names without permission? That would put her at risk of libel, surely?!

I'm sorry for your loss.

GroupieGirl · 11/09/2013 20:37

I don't really have any practical suggestions (other than for your DH to point out to his friend how hurtful and inappropriate this is), but I can quite see how angry you would be about this.

Presumably she couldn't name names without permission? That would put her at risk of libel, surely?!

I'm sorry for your loss.

Shakey1500 · 11/09/2013 20:41

Is she an author already?

You need to find out exactly what is being planned/written about.

She will not be able to go into details about your story as obviously all medical history, timelines etc will be confidential to you.

I would suggest that if she has never written anything before, it will be a non-starter anyway.

Try not to worry until you have more facts.

I'm very sorry for your loss

Original poster

KateRaeganandMichael · 11/09/2013 22:00

Thank you ladies, I've calmed down a bit now. as you've both said I don't know the facts properly yet (I will tomorrow and I'll post again then) but its just the idea that someone could even think about let alone do something like this that's riling me. I will be speaking to my dh's best friend in the morning and i'm going to shout talk it through (I'm going to be saying no....a lot). The girlfriend isn't a professional but she wants to be. Obviously, Im not going to allow access to my medical records and she is going from what myself and my dh have told her. nice huh.

OP posts:

Pimpf · 11/09/2013 22:05

Very inappropriate of her. I hope the conversation goes well

wifeymerrick · 11/09/2013 22:58

Firstly so sad and sorry for it loss and on the bit u r angry about A bit insensitive of her hope it all goes well tomorrow...x

GroupieGirl · 12/09/2013 13:11

Good luck, I hope you get through to them. Just a callous thing to think about doing.

AngelsLieToKeepControl · 12/09/2013 13:21

Shockingly insensitive of her.

How did you find this out?

I would be going absolutely ballistic at her if I were you. How she could even think to use your children to try and profit from is incomprehensible to me.

to you op, I hope you manage to get through to her exactly how much of a twat she would be to do this, and how upsetting you will find it if she goes ahead.

Minnieisthedevilmouse · 12/09/2013 13:36

I'd ask in legal. Might be someone there that could offer advice?

stemstitch · 12/09/2013 13:39

Er what?! She cannot be serious.

There may be privacy issues here which mean she cannot legally do this. I believe the threshold is if there is a 'reasonable expectation of privacy', which there clearly is here, you could sue her for writing it. This isn't really my area though. Do post in legal or see if you can get a free consultation with a solicitor. I really don't think she can do this.

Btw it would only be libel if she said something defamatory/untrue. But I've got a strong feeling that privacy laws may be able to stop her.

MrsWolowitz · 12/09/2013 14:55

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster

KateRaeganandMichael · 12/09/2013 19:02

Hi ladies, Good evening.

Angelslie she just brought it up casually with dh. Dh told me (he initially thought that it was just going to be a dedication at the beginning of the book) - I called dh's best friend and he told me the full thing and i/ we went nuts.

so far they have seemed(this was over the phone) to play everything down - saying they are willing to (if big if - but still she gets published) donate some of the profits to S.A.N.D's. So they will only be profiting a little bit

I have an appointment with the cab next Thursday and hopefully I can get some advice there and then lawyer up as I can't really see anyway any other way.

OP posts:

expatinscotland · 12/09/2013 19:06

OMG! I would have gone fucking spare!

LondonNinja · 12/09/2013 19:06

WTAF?! Honestly, I despair.

See a lawyer. If there's anything identifying, you'll have a case to stop this. She sounds like a leech of the vilest kind. Am so sorry you're going through this after what you've already been through...

Onesleeptillwembley · 12/09/2013 19:08

Sorry I'm a bit confused. Did you have still born twins? And someone is writing a book about it without you asking them! That's not on!

expatinscotland · 12/09/2013 19:13

Yes, One, she had stillborn twins. Now this chick seeks to profit from their misery .

Onesleeptillwembley · 12/09/2013 19:14

AngelsLieToKeepControl · 12/09/2013 19:23

Fucking hell.

Words fail me.

If she decides to go ahead with this then I suggest getting emailing every publisher/agent/whoever else deals with books in the country with her name, address and the book content and saying you fully intend to take legal action against anyone who deals with publishing it.

Hopefully it will be enough to put people off, make her look like an idiot and ruin her career before it even begins, furthermore I would tell her that I was going to do it. What an utter bitch.

Original poster

KateRaeganandMichael · 12/09/2013 19:50

OK - I didn't know there was a legal part available on this website - I'm going to post the question there a bit later (Just sorting out my daughters school stuff -)with a link to this post.

Angelslie don't worry I fully intend to ruin everything for her....

OP posts:

TeaAndANatter · 12/09/2013 19:56

First, I'm so very sorry for your loss. I can't believe that someone would be so mindblowingly callous as to benefit (money aside) from your bereavement.

Second, I must apologise for the language to be forthcoming. I'm usually a fairly mild mannered woman, and I don't swear a very great deal in public. But I do feel the strong need to say (and I need to have a wee blush here first) that this woman is an utter cunt. God. Sorry everyone, I know that's bloody awful, but I don't have anything ruder in my entire arsenal.

missmash · 12/09/2013 20:07

I have no advice but I just want to say how sorry I am for you, the most traumatic event made so much worse by such a heartless woman.
Can she really not see that you will be devastated by her actions?
Sending

Original poster

KateRaeganandMichael · 12/09/2013 20:16

Here is what I have posted in legal I also added a link to this thread. Thank you all www.mumsnet.com/Talk/legal_matters/1851091-someone-wants-to-write-a-book-about-my-angel-sons-i-do-not-want-this-to-happen

OP posts:

AuntyPippaAndUncleHarry · 12/09/2013 20:22

OP very sorry for your loss and that you are having to go through this pain and upset with this stupid, insensitive woman. From a legal POV you could potentially seek an injunction to stop her publishing (not writing) but not sure if there are grounds in what you have said. Regarding what others said about confidentiality - medical records are confidential so she can't access them. She does not owe you any duty of confidentiality (assuming she is just a 'friend' and wasn't involved in the care of you/your children) therefore whatever she has heard from you is not protected by any legal duty of confidentiality. My advice would be to speak to her as calmly as you can and try to reason with her. I doubt there is a legal remedy and if you explain how you feel she may back off or find another family to focus on. I wish you well in trying to resolve this awful situation.

Original poster

KateRaeganandMichael · 12/09/2013 21:13

I will be devastated if I can't stop her. I'm already heartbroken. I CAN'T and I WON'T let her mess with my children - the three of them have suffered enough.

I will still go to the c.a.b.
Thank you ladies. If there is any more information I'll let you know.

OP posts:

Guitargirl · 12/09/2013 21:22

I can't offer any legal advice but I just wanted to include my voice to the support that has already been offered on this thread.

I cannot believe that she and your DH's so-called best friend think that this is an acceptable thing to do. What on earth does she think she will be achieving?

The only thing I could suggest is contacting whichever publisher she intends to approach to articulate how distressing this is for you.

Awful.

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