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Find bereavement help and support from other Mumsnetters.

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Find bereavement help and support from other Mumsnetters.

Bereavement

My mum died today..

44 replies

CalmingLava · 26/08/2013 23:43

I can't believe I've just had to write that, i feel numb. My Dad 3.5 years ago,today would have been his birthday.

I never in a million years thought I'd lose my mum so soon. She was 45, full of life, and my absolute rock.

I don't know what to do with myself, I have no idea how in going to possibly manage without her.

OP posts:

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crazykat · 27/08/2013 00:16

I'm so sorry Calming. It's an awful thing to go through especially as she was so young. It's good that you have others around you to support you. Accept any help they offer and be good to yourself and DS.

How long the shock lasts is different for everyone. When my beloved nan - more like my second mum - died it took about two weeks for it to really sink in. I kept picking up the phone tot call her and walking to my parents front door only to remember she was gone.

Have you told your DS yet? How old is he?

t875 · 27/08/2013 00:29

I am so sorry to hear of your loss. So very very tragic and so unfair. I really am at a loss what to say. If you also need a shoulder please come and join us on losing a parent forum on the thread I have found this to be a massive comfort to me. Once again I am so sorry the shock you must be feeling must be immense.
I lost my mum suddenly last year to a massive stroke and its still hard and miss her like mad.
Sending you hugs xx

ChaosTrulyReigns · 27/08/2013 00:34

She sounds lovely, and you were so close.

I hope you can get a decent night's sleep.

ChubbyKitty · 27/08/2013 00:44

I am so sorry for your loss

morethanpotatoprints · 27/08/2013 00:55

I am so sorry for your loss, you will be in a state of shock for some time, but this is normal. You poor love, my heart goes out to you.
Just take your time and don't expect too much from yourself.

ChippingInNeedsSleepAndCoffee · 27/08/2013 01:04

I am so very, very sorry :( Your Mum wasn't much older than me. You are far too young to have lost both your parents (not that it gets any easier the older you get). I lost my Dad 3.5 years ago too - he was quite young, only in his early 60's.

Do you want to talk about what happened?

CalmingLava · 27/08/2013 08:11

We're not sure atm what it was, but we think either a heart attack or blood clot. My sister just came downstairs in the morning (she lives with my mum) to find her breathless and pale, and it just carried on from there.
We had 3 ambulances and 5 or 6 paramedics, they were doing chest compressions for ages and ages, and giving her loads of injections and adrenaline, but nothing worked.
My DS is 3 and has been a star I've told him that Granny's now gone to be a star in the sky, the same as grandad. I don't know if that's the best thing to say, but he's happy with that, and loves the idea of Granny flying up to the stars
It breaks my heart for him, he loves her so so much.

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volvocowgirl · 27/08/2013 10:42

Personally, I think that's a lovely thing to say to your DS.

Will be thinking of you and your family today, Calming.

rindercella · 27/08/2013 12:53

I am so sorry for your loss Calming. It is so sad that you have lost both of your parents at such a young age.

I think that was the perfect thing to say to your son xx

chickydoo · 27/08/2013 12:54

So so sorry, it's far too young!

JohFlow · 27/08/2013 13:01

Be kind to yourself Calming. There is no rush to get over the shock or for things to return close to normal. You dictate your own pace. There is no shame in feeling things in their entirety or mourning your loss. It will eventually start to get a little easier. It's great that you have support around you to rely on if you 'have a wobble'. Take care x

MamaTo3Boys · 27/08/2013 13:01

Sorry for your loss :(

There's nothing quite like losing a parent

I lost my mum when she was 34. Luckily my dad and maternal grandparents are still around though.

It does get easier though. I don't think you ever really get over it but you learn to cope with it ?? x

CalmingLava · 27/08/2013 22:59

Thanks again, and sorry I haven't replied, it's been a hectic day seeing the funeral director etc.
I'm dreading the pain hitting me. I'm still sort of numb to it, but I know it will hit me at some point, and I'm dreading it.
DS said today that he loves going to granny's house, but that granny's not there anymore.
It broke my heart. How come someone so young has to go through something like this, it's just not fair on him at all.
We still don't have the post mortem results, it just feels like we're in limbo, just waiting.
Luckily I started seeing a counsellor a couple of months ago to deal with other stuff, and I'm due to see him on Thursday, so that will help.
Sorry to everyone on here who had posted and lost someone close to them. It really is the most awful thing, and my thoughts are with you all x

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QOD · 27/08/2013 23:06

Oh I'm so sorry for your loss x

Rainbowshine · 27/08/2013 23:09

Calming I am sorry that you have lost your mum

On a practical note Cruse have lots of info and support, www.cruse.org.uk/

It's good to hear you have support in RL too.

Look after yourself.

Allalonenow · 27/08/2013 23:22

I'm so sad for you that you have lost your Mum, and know how painful it is.
I think that telling your DS his Nana is now a star, is a beautiful and comforting idea, especially at his age.

Your Mum will have known how much you loved her, your love shines through every word that you have written about her.

Rainbowshine · 27/08/2013 23:27

Sorry my link didn't work

www.cruse.org.uk/

There are sections about how to help children understand and cope which may help. More

tertle · 28/08/2013 15:37

Hello Calming,
Just seen this and wanted to say how sorry I am.
My mum died in February, she had a sudden stroke at 57 so I can empathise with how you are feeling. There is no right or wrong way of grieving, just take each day at a time and look after yourself. Surround yourself by people who love you. You need time to grieve and for the news to sink in.
Take care of yourself.
Sending you lots of love and a big hug.

Freesia2013 · 28/08/2013 21:51

Sorry for your loss. My mum died unexpectedly in Feb this year was 58 so I can understand some of what you're going through. Of course I think about her every day and still find it a shock on worse days. But it does get less raw with time. Take care and time out with your children x

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