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Bereavement

Find bereavement help and support from other Mumsnetters. See also your choices after baby loss.

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Original poster

lost my baby and need to rant (don't read if you're squeamish)

52 replies

steppemum · 09/02/2004 15:55

I'm having a miscarriage, started on Saturday and still going. It came out of the blue, last pregnancy was fine, and I hadn't even thought of the possibility of miscarriage, stupid I know. The thing is I just can't believe how horribly distressing the process of miscarrying is, I guess I just thought it would be like a period, but it's not, and all morning I had cramps and passing horrid clots and lumps of stuff, and every time I went to the loo it was like that's a bit of my baby I'm flushing away. I just sobbed my heart out every time I had to go to the loo, and it's all been so horrid and messy and distressing.
You probably know I'm overseas, and so no easy pop down to the hospital. My friend who is a mid wife is looking after me, and she's very understanding etc, and says it's all normal, it's just so bloody miserable, and I hate it.

OP posts:

CountessDracula · 09/02/2004 15:57

steppemum

You poor love, how traumatic. I don't have any experience directly of this but I feel very sad for you. xx

Mum2Ela · 09/02/2004 15:58

Poor you Steppemum.

No experience myself so cannot know how horrible it is.

Just lots of hugs >>>

easy · 09/02/2004 15:59

so sorry to read this stepmum, It must be dreadful. I'll be thinking of you thru this hoorible time. Is your dh or dp able to spend this time with you?

motherinferior · 09/02/2004 16:02

Oh you poor darling. I am so sorry.

Thomcat · 09/02/2004 16:02

Ahh, you poor thing. It's so horrible isn't it. I was on my own when Ii had my 1st - DP was partying in Ibiza and I didn't want to tell him and didn't really want to share it with anyone else at the time.

Lots of love and symapthy to you.

TC xxx

lazyeye · 09/02/2004 16:02

Hi Stepemum

I'm sorry you are going thru all this - it is awful and a big part of that awfulness is that its very lonely.

I've had 2 m/c. The 1st was quite early but the second sounds very much like yours - in fact it was about 8/9 weeks. It was so painful I did consider going to hossie & the amount of stuff I passed was frightening. I think it was the sac. I think I was in shock at the amount that went down the toilet & its an awful awful feeeling. Even my dh who is usually pretty good was crap - he just thought it was a period and I should get on with it. The only other pple who understood were those who had had m/cs.

There is v little comfort for you just now. But I think in passing so much, it meant I didn't need a D&C which I didn't want.

Be very very kind to yourself - its traumatic and will take lots of time to get over & I really think the loneliness of it all is the worst.
Am thinking of you

pie · 09/02/2004 16:04

I'm so sorry to hear this steppemum, it sounds exactly like my m/c was. I hope you are having lots of tlc and being kind to yourself.

pie xxx

lydialemon · 09/02/2004 16:05

It might be normal but its a horrible, nasty thing to have to go through.

I lost one between DS2 and DD. I got bleeding and pain on a thursday night, and because of lots of threatned mc's with DSs I knew I could just go to EPU in the morning. I was waiting to be seen when I realised it had got worse, and lost everything in the toilets there. I sat there for a good ten minutes before I could force myself to flush it all away, its one the hardest things I've done. I was very lucky in that DH was there with me and the staff were lovely and put me in a private waiting room and 'bumped' me up the list.

I'm so sorry Steppemum, I just wish I could give you a big hug and I really wish I could do something to make it better.

Marina · 09/02/2004 16:07

Oh Steppemum, someone very close to me is going through this right now too. I'm so very sorry to hear your news, I really am. I hope your midwife friend can ensure you get any necessary aftercare.
You know really there is nothing stupid about not considering miscarriage - most of us don't think about it until it happens to us.
Sending you lots of hugs and sympathy.

Janh · 09/02/2004 16:11

steppemum, I am very sorry - not surprised you are so upset. I'm glad you have your friend with you. Hugs. xx

eddm · 09/02/2004 16:14

Oh I'm so sorry to hear this. Awful.

lilibet · 09/02/2004 16:21

Sounds like mine too at 8/9 weeks.
So sad for you, loads of hugs coming your way.

xxxxxx

Quackers · 09/02/2004 16:40

Steppemum, I'm glad you have come over here to talk about what's happening. The unfortunate thing is that you have to see this, it;s not very nice and I do understand that. I remember seeing mine come out and it was a perfectly formed sac with tiny baby. It's very cruel that we have to experience this.
I'm sure your friend will be a wonderful support to you both emotionally and for the physical side. Can you not get to a hospital as they will check to see if this is complete or not? Just bear in mind the bleeding will be heavy and clotty for a while and you may bleed for quite a while. It sounds like your body is doing what it's supposed in this awful situation and clearing itself out which on a positive note should mean no need for a ERPC.
Mentally, you're at the start of the grieving and I hope you get lots of tlc. Please keep posting and rest up for as long as you can. We'll all be here.
xxxxx

clairabelle · 09/02/2004 16:45

Steppemum
so very very sorry.Take care xx

bluestar · 09/02/2004 16:46

Steppemum, so sorry to hear your news. Understand what you mean about not considering that a pg can end in miscarriage especially after a first successful pg. I thought it would never happen to me and sadly it did. The toilet trips are also very hard to get through but you will and it sounds as if your friend is providing good support to you. Take of yourself.

Galaxy · 09/02/2004 16:52

message withdrawn

Azure · 09/02/2004 16:56

Steppemum, my deepest sympathies. I had a m/c at 11.5 weeks in October completely out of the blue and had also had absolutely no problems in my first pregnancy. Your message sounds so familiar. I was also shocked at the physical aspect - I could not move from the toilet for over two hours at its worst and was passing large amounts of material. I was also not prepared for how awful a miscarriage is emotionally. Even now I can still well up with tears at the thought. I found it very difficult to discuss with anyone person to person for fear of crying. It is such a horrible experience, one you never forget, but also (as is so often said, and is completely true) it gets better with time. Allow yourself to grieve and know you'll never be short of support on Mumsnet. Take care.

dinosaur · 09/02/2004 16:58

I'm really sorry steppemum. I had an early miscarriage with a pregnancy in between DS1 and DS2 and it came as a total bolt out of the blue. Big hugs, it is very distressing, I'm so glad you have a friend there to look after you.

hana · 09/02/2004 17:17

Awww Steppemum. So sorry to hear about losing your little baby. It's so unfair. Like some others, I've had 2 m/c, most recently in October last year. It's absolutely devestating, no matter how common you're told it is. Hope you have lots of support around you. It's awfully tough and lonely place so I hope you can talk to someone and get it all out. Thinking of you.

hana

eyelash · 09/02/2004 17:19

Steppemum

I am so sorry this is happening to you. From personal experience the best thing to do is to grieve - and that may take a long time. In fact even now I still recall due dates and feel sad. A memory tree, which has even moved house with us, serves as a lovely reminder and helped enormously in the whole grieving process.

Look after yourself and lean on your friend and dp/dh. I know it must be even more difficult being away from home.

Look after yourself.

elena2 · 09/02/2004 17:21

So, so sorry Steppemum.
A friend of mine went through this recently.

bossykate · 09/02/2004 17:38

steppemum, so sorry to hear this

bossykate · 09/02/2004 17:40

btw - i used to dread people telling me it was "normal" or "very common". not to me it wasn't!

suedonim · 09/02/2004 17:49

What a horrible time you're having, Steppemum, I'm so sorry. I remember the pain when I had a 7wk m/c - absolutely awful, as bad as labour. Be kind to yourself, give yourself time and you will recover eventually, I promise. I rarely think about mine now except when I see a thread such as this. Thinking of you very much.

suzywong · 09/02/2004 18:15

It's absolutely the pits isn't it?
Poor you, I know what it 's like to have a failed pregnancy , you poor creature you have every right to rant and moan.
Hugs to you

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