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Original poster

my brother has killed himself...

66 replies

kneesofnorks · 10/12/2012 20:03

I feel so guilty I wasnt there for him, he lived in canada, im in england and i had no idea he was in such a dark place.

Its been 24 hours since we had a call from his local police and every minute feels harder and harder...

I dont have a passport and dont have the money for a flight over, my aunt and uncle are having to deal with it all as my parents arent fit to fly over, I feel like im letting him down :(

OP posts:
BasicallySFB · 10/12/2012 20:05

I have nothing to but that I'm so so so sorry. Big hugs to you all xxx

BasicallySFB · 10/12/2012 20:06

Sorry - nothing to say bug big hugs to you all xxx what a dreadful shock xx

FloatyBeatie · 10/12/2012 20:06

I'm really very sorry that you have had such terrible news. Your poor brother. Remember that a groundless feeling of guilt is always a massive part of friends/relatives reaction after a suicide. Be kind to yourself.

helpyourself · 10/12/2012 20:06

I am sorry. Have you got anyone to talk to? There will be more helpful mnetters along soon.

hellhasnofurylikeahungrywoman · 10/12/2012 20:07

I am so sorry to hear your news, you are not letting him down though.

whimsy · 10/12/2012 20:07

I am so sorry for your loss :(

ohmeohmy · 10/12/2012 20:08

What terrible news. Sorry you are having to experience this.

HumphreyCobbler · 10/12/2012 20:10

I am so very sorry. How terrible.

mercibucket · 10/12/2012 20:11

So very sorry for your loss

mercibucket · 10/12/2012 20:11

So very sorry for your loss

HoHoHokeyCokeyPigInAPokey · 10/12/2012 20:11

I am so sorry for your loss.

I hope you have some rl support.

My older brother also killed himself. I know it's very hard to imagine that someone you love could be in such a very dark place.

You're not letting him down, distance doesn't change your grief.

aftereight · 10/12/2012 20:14

I am so sorry to hear this.
You're not letting him down by not flying to Canada. Can you be with your parents, and support each other, if they're in the same country as you?
My uncle killed himself overseas in his adopted country, and with hindsight, we (his family in the UK) could not have foreseen the tragedy, as we only knew what he chose to tell us of his life. Please don't blame yourself for not realising that your brother needed help.
Do you have anyone in RL you can talk to?

anonononon · 10/12/2012 20:18

I'm so sorry to hear your news.

I also have a brother who killed himself. Have name changed to prevent outing me.
Please look after yourself. Its a horrible time, and I found lots of people just didn't understand how much it affected me.

Can you be with your parents? Or are they not local either? Loosing their Son, even after a long illness, has aged my parents beyond belief.

Also, thinking longer term, don't underestimate how long it may take to get over things. I'm very close to tears just writing this, and were nearly 7 years down the line.

There are (nearly) always people here if you want to offload.

TeaAndTinselMakeChristmasShine · 10/12/2012 20:28

I'm so sorry.

My best friend's brother killed himself. She saw him the day before and had no inkling that he felt so utterly desperate. It is such a hard thing to deal with however close physically you are. I think for someone to be so desperate there is an emotional distance they build up so have no chance of knowing.

Let me hold your hand

Original poster
kneesofnorks · 10/12/2012 20:30

my parents live 2 hours away, i went there last night, none of us slept. i had to come home to get the children from school (dp took them this morning, the youngest 2 dont know as im usually at work for 7am so nothing was unusual for them) my oldest DS knows, he seems ok just more shocked than upset i think.

he was found under a railway bridge on a path, it was hypothermia that killed him but he had drugs in his system so the coroner who did the post mortem believes it was suicide, he had a history of mental health issues since his teens, and a few days prior he had been arrested for an offence he had carried out. the police think he had been staying outdoors for a few days, despite just having paid his months rent on his room? I think he must have had some sort of breakdown but i suppose we'll never know.

mum and dad dont want people to know he wanted to die, theyre telling people about the hypothermia, i think they feel that people will judge them for not knowing how bad he was, but he was 43, we only knew what he told us.

i just cant beleive im an only child now....

OP posts:
angelinterceptor · 10/12/2012 20:35

so sorry to hear about your brother

Hassled · 10/12/2012 20:36

I'm so sorry - being so far away must be making this even harder.

QODRestYeMerryGentlemen · 10/12/2012 20:36

Oh how hard. It does sound like some element of accidental though from your latest post ?

Suicide is terrible, for those left behind and for those who see no other way.

Sorry for your loss x

MayTheOddsBeEverInYourFavour · 10/12/2012 20:36

I'm so very sorry

What a terrible shock for you all. I know it's hard but please don't feel guilty, I'm sure your brother knew you were there if he wanted to reach out, if he was in a very dark place then there is nothing anyone could have done

Be very kind to yourself xxx

MarshaBrady · 10/12/2012 20:37

I'm so sorry.

kasbah72 · 10/12/2012 20:40

I am so so sorry. I dread receiving the same call. I doubt there was any single thing you could have done to stop him from doing this if he really wanted to. I can't bear the thought of anyone being in such a dark dark place but I have seen glimpses of it and it is all-consuming.
Be kind to yourself. x

Original poster
kneesofnorks · 10/12/2012 20:46

im going to have to go back to work tomorrow i think, I took today off but the company bereavement policy is 3 days leave for a immediate family member to attend or arrange a funeral, and as i cant do either ill need to go back... not sure i can face it :(

OP posts:
BettySwollocksandaCrustyRack · 10/12/2012 21:06

I am so sorry for your loss :(

You will never be an only child....you will always have a brother.

Please be gentle on yourself xx

MsElleTow · 10/12/2012 21:10

I'm so very sorry for your loss.Sad

Sunnywithachanceofshowers · 10/12/2012 21:16

I am so sorry for your loss knees. Could your GP sign you off work for a couple of weeks?

I lost a dear friend to suicide and it took me a while to stop feeling guilty. Be gentle on yourself lovely. xxx