Friend who has lost her son desperate to talk to others

[twinnymumof3]

My friend lost her 11 year old son in December. She is desperate to talk to others who have been through similar but is finding it hard to find kindred spirits. As her close friends we are trying to support her as much as we possible can but I think it would help her so much to be in touch with someone who really understands the depth of her pain from first hand experience. Can you help???

Would this help?

I saw your post last night but couldnt respond as phone was dud.

Does your friend have access to the internet? There is a community of mothers on mumsnet who have tragically lost a child. Shabba springs to mind because one of her ds's was an older child when he died. I'll link to a thread, hold on.

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/bereavement/1495278-Love-like-starlight-never-dies-In-loving-memory-of-all-our-darling-children-gone-too-soon

The poster who lost an older child is shabbapinkfrog.

My ds is the same age as your friends. I couldnt not reply.

Hi

I lost my 3 year old in March, and use this website and the link someone else put up.

I also use the Compassionate Friends website - www.tcf.org.uk/

There is a forum on there for bereaved parents, and its private so you have to join with password etc. They also do group meetings, you have to phone and see if there is one in your area.

xxx

Thankyou so much for help and advice I will look into both these things.

Poor poor parents, was he ill? I lost my son in 94, he was almost 15. Never ill, he walked into my garden and collapsed and died, still no medical explanation. At that time he was our only child. Its the worst most painful thing that can ever happen to you, it changes you, you feel as though you live your life wearing a mask, you wear it for others who reall don`t want to see what you are like. In the first year everyone is kind, then life goes on whilst you feel yours is over. It takes a very long time to rebuild a different life, you learn to llive with it but its not ever enough. I met Shabba through the Compassionate Friends 18 years ago, we have remained very special friends ever since. If your friend ever need to talk we are here The Compassionate Friends was my life line, I am so very sorry for your friend. xx

Thankyou triplets and I am so sorry to read about the loss of your son. My friend's son had some underlying health problems but contract a horrible blood infection which was unrelated. It has been so devastating and I am horrified at the number of people who have turned their backs on her. It has shattered my trust in humanity. I will pass on the info re compassionate friends. Thanks again.

People can be so strange about bereavement can't they. I can't imagine not wanting to support someone in that situation, just because it feels awkward or embarrassing. God how hard could it be to say "I really don't know what I can say but I'm thinking of you and if there's anything I can do.." Its not rocket science is it.

If she's not already on MN I'd definitely recommend it to her. On some subjects you can get into all sorts of arguments, but when the chips are down, the ladies (& men) of MN are so supportive and caring. Let your friend know that there are plenty of compassionate people in this world and many of them congregate here to help each other through the most difficult times of their lives. xxx

Do send her a link to our thread.
We have all lost children, some of us have lost babies, some have lost older children and some have lost adult children.

I am so sorry for your friend and the fact that 'friends' are not there for her. That must be devastating. But I would echo chip's words. The bereavement thread truly is a safe haven for parents at every stage of grief. What has helped me greatly is finding others who are further along in time in missing their children, as they gave me hope that I could survive the loss of Mia, not unchanged, but that life is somehow possible...

If she needs some support in person, i would not mind her calling me. I lost my daughter v unexpectedly to infection. Please pm me if you think i could help.