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Bereavement

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Original poster

snowflakes, they may not last long but they are beautiful and loved none the less.

51 replies

JjandtheBean · 21/12/2011 23:00

A fresh clean thread to talk, rant, laugh and cry, and to remember- Pud my little snowflake, my brother and grandma.

OP posts:
PeanutsRoastingOnAnOpenFire · 21/12/2011 23:13

Marking my place. Beautiful title jj made me tear up Sad

MrsChristmasDB · 21/12/2011 23:14

Jj.

I know I keep doing it, but it's what I do best !

((((HUGS))))

PeanutsRoastingOnAnOpenFire · 21/12/2011 23:14

Can we remember my dad too? I miss him so much right now x

Original poster
JjandtheBean · 21/12/2011 23:15

We can, this can be our place to remember them all

((((Huggs))))

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TheMonster · 21/12/2011 23:22

I'd like to remember my sister too. I bottle up the hurt too much. This will be the eighth Christmas without her. It's a hard time because the whole family would be together at her house and her death shattered a family.

PeanutsRoastingOnAnOpenFire · 21/12/2011 23:25

It's allowed in the festive season

((( bearhug))) for all Smile

Original poster
JjandtheBean · 21/12/2011 23:27

The gavel has spoken

((((((Group hug))))))) too much? Ah well.

Eeyore, of course, my grandma made christmas so I understand completely x

OP posts:
entropyglitter · 22/12/2011 00:19

bookmarking....

Some of the ideas on this and the other thread have made me think about making a snowflake or two of my own.....

I dont think I ever gave myself permission to grieve before (in fact the whole phrase still makes my teeth itch) but I think maybe the psychologists have a point.

Birnamwood · 22/12/2011 00:24

I would like to remember my Dad too, on the 28th of this month it will be 15 years since he died. I miss him so much and I really wish he could have been around to meet his GC. He would have been the best grandad in the whole wide world.

Original poster
JjandtheBean · 22/12/2011 00:32

Welcome entropy I did the whole being strong, keep smiling, its what shed want when I lost my grandma november 2010 then at her funeral I lost it, I thought I'd stop breathing the pain was so acute. I don't think I started greiving until this year when I moved and settled down, it then hit me and I'd had 6mnths of councilling by then.
Let it all out, shout, scream or talk rubbish. :)

birnham
Welcome, I'm so sorry, I know not everyone feels this way but I feel my grandma knows when I'm ok, and she knows when I'm needing someone there, and shed certainly know had she another great grandchild.

Please both settle in xxXxx

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Original poster
JjandtheBean · 22/12/2011 00:46

I also forgot to add to the thread name, one of a kind.

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Birnamwood · 22/12/2011 00:52

Oh I know he knows :)

I've learnt over the years it's good to have a wobble ocasionally, it stops everything building up. Sometimes I wobble on my own and nobody knows, sometimes I wobble with my dp and sometimes I wobble with my family, if I didn't, I think I would go mad. I also tell my ds's about their Grandad and tell them stories about him, I certainly won't hide it from them, but sometimes I just wish he could be here to play with them or teach tham to ride a motorbike or fiddle with a car (he did a lot of fiddling with cars, that's another thing I miss, when my car goes bang I have to take it to a garage and actually PAY for it to be fixed instead of watching it being miraculously mended on my drive for the cost of a cuppa :))

Original poster
JjandtheBean · 22/12/2011 01:13

I couldn't agree more.

My grandma knew she was dying, she was diagnosed with terminal cancer in march and she brought all the grandchildren a bear, the same but different colours, every night me and dd have this conversation.

"Mummy who got me this"
"Grandma cat did"
"Special isn't it mummy"
"Yes dd"
"Why did grandma tom (my mum) give it to me"
"Because grandmas in the stars now watching us and keeping us safe"
"I miss grandma cat"
"Me too"
"She still love me?"
"Of course, very much"
"Good"
And she kisses the bear and snuggles down.

Her and ds have stated many times its not fair etc and always agree, I won't lie and fluff it up, I say I know its not, and it makes me sad too, but she's ok and she's safe and happy and so are we. Yes. I find it amazing how much they remember dd wasn't 2 yet and ds just 3 when she died, it shows how much they loved one another that they remember.

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Birnamwood · 22/12/2011 01:24

Aw JJ that's lovely.
I have a photo of my DDad that ds1 always asks me about. I always tell him who it is and how much he would have loved to play with him if he was still alive.

I've never been one for hiding things under the carpet, I wear my heart on my sleeve, although that gets me into trouble somtimes :), and I always found it irritating when people purposely skirted the subject. I'd rather talk about him than not, and I'll make sure my boys know all about him. Ds1 always waves to him when we pass the racetrack where his ashes are scattered (he used to race motorbikes and his ashes are scattered on a local track where he raced a lot in his younger years)

JJ I have lurked on your previous threads and it seems you have been dealt some really shitty cards recently and I sincerely hope 2012 brings you a lot more light and happiness.

startail · 22/12/2011 01:28

My DMIL too, she loved Christmas. DH was trying not to cry last night.

Original poster
JjandtheBean · 22/12/2011 01:33

That's lovely birnam

My grandmas ashes are scattered at a heath she took me to a lot as a child, I grew up picnicing there and walking dogs, she moved a 2min walk from there when me and her left my mums house and then we took my dcs, I've not been back since scattering her ashes, as driving that way still makes them ask to go in and see her, they don't fully grasp it, but I plan to in the summer go and watch them play in her place.

To startails mil, merry christmas xxx

(((Hugs))))

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PeanutsRoastingOnAnOpenFire · 22/12/2011 08:26

Good morning all, hope everyone's ok? Smile

Original poster
JjandtheBean · 22/12/2011 10:42

Morning peanuts, all ok here, well ds is in a foul mood...

How's everyone else? Xx

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Original poster
JjandtheBean · 22/12/2011 11:11

Sorry had to go and answer the door,

The dcs hadn't the patience for vikings snowflakes, I did Grin they've done some very pretty rectangle ones though, and we have there bodyweight in beautifully painted and glittered salt dough decorations which we'll give one to each grandparent along with a photo of them both I've mounted on a red card, its not much but they'll love it.

I'm braving aldi shortly, I have the feeling its going to be an event that will never leave me...

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yellowraincoat · 22/12/2011 12:02

I'm remembering my Gran here too. She was the only person in my family I felt loved by, she was the only person who was always glad to see me. I loved the way she was so non-judgemental about people. She died when I was 18 (29 now) and my life has been so hard without her.

Sorry for all your losses, it's even harder at Christmas

Original poster
JjandtheBean · 22/12/2011 12:54

Yellow, I'm so sorry, I'm not just saying it that's exactly how it was with my grandma I knew she loved me, I was totally secure in my relationship with her, it was unconditional. I was 22 when she died, she was 65 and it seemed far, far too soon.

Please settle in xxx

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sunnysunnyshine · 22/12/2011 15:39

My lovely little brother died just 8 weeks ago suddenly at just 32. He shouldn't have died. It's looking like there was a cock up with the equipment he was using at work. I'm still in shock but the moments when it does sink in I feel such despair I can barely breathe. Seeing my family in pieces is killing me too. We were such a close family. I don't know how we are going to get through this.
We still have the inquest to get through which could go on for months. He was the kindest, most gentle soul I have ever known and he should still be here. He will miss out on so much in life - marriage, children etc.
I just can't bear it.
Please, somebody tell me it gets easier?

TheMonster · 22/12/2011 16:23

Sunny, I am so sorry to hear about your brother. It does get easier, I promise. It never goes away, but it does get easier.

Original poster
JjandtheBean · 22/12/2011 18:27

Sunny I am so very sorry, I can honestly say it does get easier, slowly, I'm only 19mnths down the track from loosing my brother, 11mnths from loosing my grandma and little over a week my baby.

In all honesty loosing my grandma was the hardest, I see a councillor and despite my initial resistance it does help, I have my time to thoroughly sink into how ever I feel at that moment in time. And for me it keeps her memory alive.

I still have moments, shortly after the year anniversary I spent a few days in deep depression, I cried and felt physical agony and let it consume me, it did me no good. Most days I'm happy, I miss her, it lingers over me always, what I'd tell her and so on, but it does get easier.

You can tell us about him if you want? Laugh cry get angry, well join you and gradualy wade through the fog that is loosing a loved one

Xxx

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madasa · 22/12/2011 22:13

8 weeks today since I said goodbye to my precious dad. It hurts so badly it's almost unbearable.
Love and strength to everyone who is missing someone x

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