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Bereavement

Find bereavement help and support from other Mumsnetters. See also your choices after baby loss.

Original poster

My dad died last night.

35 replies

fustyarse · 16/02/2011 16:34

I have posted about him recently when we were first told he wouldn't survive

It had been 9 weeks and 2 days since he took himself into hospital not feeling too well. He never went home again.

He was moved to a hospice a couple of weeks ago and it was lovely there, but ultimately distressing for everyone as we all knew what was coming

He had acute heart failure and renal kidney failure, and filled up with so much fluid that he could barely breathe, it was devastating to see him in that state.

He was only 63. I was meant to have him for years yet. Sad

I haven't even contemplated how I will deal with this, with him not being here any more.

My lovely dad.

OP posts:
Prolesworth · 16/02/2011 16:37

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bobs · 16/02/2011 16:39

So sorry - words are not enough...Sad

MollieO · 16/02/2011 16:42

So sorry for your loss. Be kind to yourself and take time to grieve.

tudorrose · 16/02/2011 16:47

Oh fustyarse I'm so sorry. I lost my mum fifteen months ago, she had cancer and was only 55. She died eight weeks after her initial diagnosis after being fit and healthy all her life.

It's a terrible shock and it will take a while to sink in.

It's so hard, but you really will get through it. Take things one day at a time, even one morning/afternoon at a time, whatever it takes.

I wish I had something more useful to say really.

Take care and thinking of you.

ellenjames · 16/02/2011 16:47

sorry for your loss xxx

usualsuspect · 16/02/2011 16:48

Sorry for your loss Sad take care of yourself

Threelittleducks · 16/02/2011 16:49

Sorry for your loss fusty; no words to make it any better :(

As others have said, be kind to yourself. Give yourself time and do what you can to get through.

And I'm sure if you need support over the next few days, weeks and months you will find it here xxxxx

AnnieOnAMapleLeaf · 16/02/2011 16:52

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Original poster
fustyarse · 16/02/2011 16:55

Thanks all...I have found support on MN so many times in the past and throughout his illness has been no exception

I just want to sleep for a week, it's been so exhausting....but with 3 dc and dh working away just now I have to keep going

I'm doing ok so far,and know that time will help, but the feeling of losing a parent is pretty horrifying, really.

OP posts:
Ormirian · 16/02/2011 16:57

Oh fusty Sad I am so sorry.

kando · 16/02/2011 16:59

so sorry for your loss Sad wishing you strength to get through this devastating time for you xx

Vanillacandle · 16/02/2011 17:31

You poor love - it is a horrible thing to go through. When I lost my wonderful Dad I felt like I'd been hit by a truck, and then just numb. Sad All I can say is that old cliche that time is a great healer, the pain never really goes away but gradually you will learn to live with it and the sharp agony of it reduces to a dull ache.

Is there any chance your DH can get home early to be with you? Maybe compassionate leave or something? You really need someone to hold you at this awful time, and let you cry.

Don't try to be strong - I cried in front of my DCs. In fact, I think it was a good thing because they could see how much I had loved him and that made it easier for them to cry too. We just hugged each other.

I still cry now, when things creep up unexpectedly, and it's nearly seven years ago.

I guess what I'm trying to say is that there is life at the other end of this horrible dark tunnel you have to go through. You will smile again, you will be able to talk and think about him without falling to bits, and you will have lots of wonderful memories of the first man in your life.

Sending you a big

Original poster
fustyarse · 16/02/2011 18:47

dh came home for the whole of last week as we expected dad to pass away some time then, but had to go back yesterday. I'm ok, he'll be home at the weekend in tme for the funeral so that's what matters. I have lots of friends and family around if I need them, so I'm not alone if I don't want to be. But this evening I do want to be.

Yes to feeling numb, coupled with sudden realiistions and lots of tears

I am just going to miss him so much. He was just great.

OP posts:
sharbie · 16/02/2011 18:49

sorry to hear this xx

DrNortherner · 16/02/2011 18:55

So so sorry Fusty. I remember what you are feeling only too well. I lost my Dad in April 2009, very suddenly. I have no idea how I go through those early weeks and months, but somehow you keep putting one foot in front of the other.

I wish I had something useful to post. But in reality it is just a hard, shit journey, and you are so sad because you loved him so much.

I read a lot of books on grief and bereavement, I can recommend some if you fancy it? I also saw a councellor but this is too early for you yet.

Look after yourself, try to eat, and if you feel like falling a part you must let that happen. Far worse to bottle it all up.

Much love
xx

TrinityMotherOfRhinos · 16/02/2011 18:57

I'm so sorry for your loss

lottiejenkins · 16/02/2011 18:57

fusty, i am so sorry for your loss. Its been five years since my dad died. I sat watching Bread on tv this morning and had such wonderful memories of watching it with Dad as it was his favourite programme. Remember the happy times. Sending you love and hugs. I will say a prayer for your Dad.

limpingbint · 16/02/2011 18:57

So sorry for you all Fusty, my best wishes x

MmeLindt · 16/02/2011 18:59

So sorry for your loss, Fusty.

Milngavie · 16/02/2011 19:00

So sorry for your loss Fusty.

I lost my Dad in 1999 and can still remember the pain.

Look after yourself

herbietea · 16/02/2011 19:01

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Hassled · 16/02/2011 19:04

I'm so sorry. There's no justice, is there - he was still young. All you can tell yourself is that he's not in any more pain - and that matters, that counts for a lot. Go easy on yourself, feel whatever you want to feel, just get through the days until the dust begins to settle.

carminaburana · 16/02/2011 19:04

So so sorry fusty

Sadly, I know exactly what you're going through right now..

Take care x

oiwhatsoccuring · 16/02/2011 19:09

I am so sorry for your loss. I remember your earlier postings.
I lost my dad last year so can remember how it felt.
Do be kind to yourself and let yourself grieve.
You only get one dad and they are so special.
You should take some comfort from the fact that he is not suffering anymore and would want you to carry on with your life - he wouldn't want it any other way.
You will get through the next few months somehow and be able to slowly remember the good bits, not just the pain.
The dull ache never goes - you just learn to live with it.
Oh, and don't be surprised if you still burst into tears unexpectedly months, if not years, down the line. It is allowed.

ShirleyKnot · 16/02/2011 19:14

I'm so sorry. I lost my dad in 2004 and we all miss him.

Thinking of you.