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Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

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Original poster

Mothers of boys - is 'boisterous' behaviour praise-worthy?

35 replies

TheDuchessOfCorpseBride · 25/10/2007 19:15

I've just returned from a party where several of the aged 3-5yo boys mothers stayed and were all praising the 'active' and 'boisterous' behaviour of their DSs.

I actually thought they were extremely rough and they made no allowances for younger/smaller children either.

I felt totally out of sync with them all and had to bite my tongue for much of the afternoon .

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

rahrahrahrahrah · 25/10/2007 19:16

What were they praising them for?

RubyShivers · 25/10/2007 19:17

if they were trampling over babies and younger kids and bashing them over the heads, then no, they shouldn;t be praised

policywonk · 25/10/2007 19:20

More details please so that we can Judge.

PeachyFleshCrawlingWithBugs · 25/10/2007 19:24

Hmm, lets see

Boy does not have to equal Boysterous (see what I did there ) but ime many seem to ahev a rendency that way. Now, we can channel it and celebrate that aspect- sports! parks! dungeons! [OK maybe not dungeons....) but if it impinges on to otehr children, or poses and risk or even huisance to other famillies then we have an especial responsibility to curb it and certainly NOT praise it.

could it be embarassment? Boisterus over excited boy (or child I suspect) syndrome can be rather embarassing- and who wants to be seen at the party as the miserable aprent with No tatoo'd on their forehead? Still, its NOT ok>

saadia · 25/10/2007 19:28

I think that as long as "active and boisterous behaviour" is harmless it can be tolerated, but I don't see why it merits praise. Such "roughness" particularly around smaller children needs to be controlled.

Original poster

TheDuchessOfCorpseBride · 25/10/2007 19:46

Sorry for delay - mumsnet went all weird and seems to have lost the great long post I just did...

The boys were shoving each other really hard and doing karate on the bouncy castle - only one of them was hurt enough to cry but most of the smaller children were knocked over/trampled on with obvious results. There was also sword-fighting with sticks and then throwing the sticks about. Which always pisses me off.

Best comment from mother was a very gushy 'Oh look at DS, he's right at the top' followed by a chorus of 'he's the king of the castle'. ie. he had planted himself at the top of the bouncy slide and was kicking anyone else that tried to get on. Either she didn't notice or she thinks that's fine. I don't think it was embarrassment, I think it's Wannabe Smug Mother Of Boys Syndrome.

OP posts:

lilospell · 25/10/2007 19:49

I think we do need more info to be able to say whether YABU/YANBU. It could be actually that the boys were relatively well behaved and quiet, compared to usual. In which case they deserve praise. Of course, if other children were getting hurt in the process, it's not acceptable. My DS went to a girl's party when he was about 7. The mother of the birthday girl had 2 very sweet, meek girls. She invited DS and 3 other boys. When I picked them up, she said she'd never have boys again. I asked what they'd been up to. She told me they were really loud, shouted a lot, and, horror of horrors, had a sword fight with the balloon model swords they'd been given. That was it, no matter how hard I pressed her, this is what had horrified her. I guess I was just used to the rougher, louder behaviour. And would never have given boys balloon model swords if I didn't want them to play with them!

DrNortherner · 25/10/2007 19:50

Do you have a boy? Or are you a mug mother of a little girl?

PeachyFleshCrawlingWithBugs · 25/10/2007 19:50

Are all mothers of boys smug then? new one on me!

DrNortherner · 25/10/2007 19:50

SMUG not mug

lilospell · 25/10/2007 19:51

sorry, crossed post, I also had problem with MN (ironic, given sword fighting reference, but definitely not with sticks)

spookyspice · 25/10/2007 19:56

I have been to health centre for DDs 2 yr old check today and DS and to be fair DD were being very boistrous (and noisy). Fine if we'd been at home / in the park etc, but not ideal in Health centre waiting room so certainly no praise.

Original poster

TheDuchessOfCorpseBride · 25/10/2007 19:57

I've just invented Smug Mother Of Boys Syndrome - for those that seem to be over-celebrating the rough stuff.

I am an INCREDIBLY ULTRA-SMUG Mother of a Boy & Girls.

OP posts:

tigermoth · 25/10/2007 20:08

IME parties mean over-excited children. No way round it. Bad idea have tinies that can get trampeled underfoot, unless party organisers are very hands on.

There's a Fine line between parents of boys being smug and parents of boys being stoic IME.

I did lots of the stoic business when my sons were younger - both could be very lively and boisterous in company. I realise this could (and did at times) come over as being too hands off, oblivious and possibly smug to parents who had quieter children. All I can say in my defence is that I had to live with boisterousness 24/7 so developed coping strategies for my own sanity.

lilospell · 25/10/2007 20:12

Agree with Tigermoth 100%

Flibbertybatsgiblets · 25/10/2007 20:20

I'm with Tigermoth too (being a mum of two VERY lively boys). I would not describe myself as smug, rather that I have developed coping tactics...

Mine are very well behaved mostly though, just very physical and think that rough and tumble = sitting still.

FioFio · 25/10/2007 20:24

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

nappyaddict · 25/10/2007 20:35

tigermoth what does stoic mean?

does it mean you ignore it or am i completely barking up the wrong tree?

christywhisty · 25/10/2007 23:07

I remember when DS started reception, with a very boy heavy class (14 boys to 3 girls before christmas and 20 boys to 10 girls after xmas)
One mother asked the teacher how she was going to cope with all those boys.Teacher said no problem. However over the last 7 years every bit of trouble this mothers boy has got into , the mother has put down to being a boy and letters from headmistress were laughed it off.

This boy is about to be thrown out of the scouts , and this scout leader is a very easy going and lets the boys have lots of time to run off excess energy etc.But this boy AT 12 has no idea when to stop and no common sense.
Boys can be boisterous, my own is, but they do need to be set limits from early on so they know when it is acceptable to be boisterous and when it isn't.

RoyKinnear · 25/10/2007 23:18

i am constantly astounded by the fact that boys terrible and aggressive behaviour is brushed off as 'boys will be boys'
i think parent should step in but frequently see a kind of resigned rolling if eyes

RoyKinnear · 25/10/2007 23:18

'of' eyes

rahrahrahrahrah · 26/10/2007 08:29

I agree that pushing and shoving should not be praised and I don't think that you are being unreasonable. What really gets me though is when people who have a quiet timid little child judge all children's behaviour by their lo. Ds (3.2) is a sweet loving little boy more than capable of sitting down and concentrating but he is also a typical little boy and likes charging around, climbing trees and getting muddy. The other day we were in a coffee shop and ds was hopping about whilst we were in the queue and a mother I vaguely know with a very very quiet little boy said "everytime I see your ds he is always on the go, I don't know how you cope, what on earth is wrong with him?" It makes me cross because I have never asked her why I have never heard her ds speak. I just wish people would accept that all children are different.

TheDucHearseOfCorpseBride · 26/10/2007 09:25

My own children aren't quiet, though DD1 is probably the most rowdy. That's all OK. Being over-excited at parties is OK. Hitting and kicking others is not OK. So why would you praise for it?

That's what I meant as Smug Of Boys - I think their is a minority of parents for whom the sun shining from their DCs is so bright that they are blind to everything else. I guess that applies to bad girl behaviour too, but I was specifically thinking of yesterdays party when I did OP.

So what happens to unchecked boisterousness as they grow up? Do most just grow out of it? (My DCs are only 6, 4 & 3).

ingles2 · 26/10/2007 09:49

I've got 2 gorgeous(!) common or garden type ds...yes they can get boisterous, usually in the company of their friends!...Yesterday they had friends over and played lightsabre fighting in the garden most of the day,..I let them get on with it....however I would never accept this sort of behaviour outside of the house. They know ( I hope) not to play up at parties on pain of death. I think as they get older they'll find outlets for all this energy and I encourage them to do lots of sports. It's ds1's 8 bday party on Sunday...12 boys!!!!!! I know there are a few coming who'll give me a hard time, if I let them...I won't! I've got no qualms about pulling up other peoples kids for unacceptable behaviour at my house or our parties....I also can't being doing with parents who let their ds behave badly, roll their eyes or completely ignore it. I think it does stem from embarrasment, but on the couple of times my ds have done things I don't like, I've warned and them and then taken them home.

ingles2 · 26/10/2007 09:51

Mind you.....I'd rather have rowdy behaviour than the whinging,..you're not my friend...kind of behaviour from 7 yr old girls

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