Mothers of boys - is 'boisterous' behaviour praise-worthy?

[TheDuchessOfCorpseBride]

I've just returned from a party where several of the aged 3-5yo boys mothers stayed and were all praising the 'active' and 'boisterous' behaviour of their DSs.

I actually thought they were extremely rough and they made no allowances for younger/smaller children either.

I felt totally out of sync with them all and had to bite my tongue for much of the afternoon .

I agree that some parents, usually mothers, seem to revel in the fact that their children are loudly and aggressively monopolising a social event.

The worst example of this was at a party at a town hall, where the mother of a rather timid 6-year old girl had hired a bouncy slide.

The mother spent most of the party politely reminding a group of five over-exhuberant boys of the rules of use for this slide.

The parents of the boys did nothing to enforce the rules, and sat laughing as the boys threw themselves down this 8 ft slide in ever more dangerous ways.

They also stopped anyone else going on it, as as parents we felt it was unsafe.

Eventually one fell backwards off the top, breaking his leg, and having to be ambulanced to hospital.

And the mothers all had a go at the mother of the party child, for hiring something so dangerous.

So, I think that natural male exuberance is fine; being rowdy is fine, but there is a need for parents to teach their children (male or female) about appropriate behaviour, and how to be a good guest.

Otherwise the child will be viewed as a pain in the ass, and excluded from future events - which isn't fair on the child.

We just had 18 here for the twins 9th birthday party and they did indeed arm themselves with light sabres (all boys as it's a boys' school because I want boys, normal boy behaviour to be regarded by the school as normal and education dedicated to the boy)... and one boy even came with his own plastic sword.

I would certainly always stop a child who was behaving too badly whosever child it is but I found everyone behaved all right.

Oh goodness yes- better a bit of energy than 'Miss miss (used tor un rainbows, so the Miss bit...) i don't want to be friends with X now because she said...'

Arrrghhhhhhh

perhaps thats why I have 3 boys, and strongly suspect another one being prepared at this very moment? - and why, despite everyone elses desperation for a girl, I am quite happy with that!

seriously, there is never any excuse for a Mum to ignore behaviours that put others at risk- and as 2 of mine are Sn and particularly demanding, if i can say that then it stands because its me who is constantly dragged up because of X Y Z in school. Boisterousness can be channelled- ds1 does Sn rugby, mainstream swimming, school football, as well as more sedate activities (art and board games) ion order to give him a chance to burn off the energies and also round his character a bit. Only the swimming costs of those.

I do believe MOSt boys get up to mischief ansd sometimes a parent will be chatting and miss it- I once got threatened for reporting to SS because a then 3 year old DS1 scratched a boy on the upper layer of a playgym where neither of us could se (said child now has psychotherapy for his behaviour so doubt it was one sided- mum is SIL of my best mate). Even then, DS1 was kept on my lap for 10 minutes and not allowed to play.

It's a simple line I think: if DS is doing something rowdy that just risks damaging himself, then fine - I'll run with it for as long as my rather risk tolerant nature allows.

If he's about to knock someone over/push them off a slide/poke them with a stick then I will intervene and read the riot act. Especially if the other party is a tiny.

These things can happen very fast, however, and particularly when you have misjudged your child's maturity or how attentive they are being. I know perfectly well that DS can dodge another child in the playground when running at full tilt, so wouldn't normally intervene to slow him down. This has caught me out when he was running a race with a mate of his and, rather than looking where he was going, started laughing at his mate. With predictable consequences for the small child in their path...

Being active and enthusiastic - Good.
Being rough and oblivious to the needs of others - bad

But we could do the same with girls

being sensitive enough to identify the feelings of others - good
Using that ability to deliver carefully chosen cutting remark that have the effect of ballistic missiles on the self esteem - bad.

Nasty girls can be just as destructive and thoughtless as nasty boys - but they are more likely to leave emotional scars on thei victims than the physical scars boys might leave.

I have never, for example (and I am not saying it has never occured ...) heard a boy utter the words "If you don't want to play power rangers, I won't be your friend and I won't let X be your friend either, and you won't come to my party, and I won't let you come to X's party either."

Similarly, I am yet to see a girl over 4 repeated hit someone on the head with a cardboard tube, despite the fact the victim is crying.

any parents who consistently ignores their childs "unacceptable?" behaviour whether it be boys being so overly physical that others are being injured or girls who are being vile & nasty get on my nerves!!!! Yes there are all things our children do that you don't see occasionally but the parents who are "my x wouldn't do that", "I'm sure it was an accident" - when they just never discipline or set boundaries so annoy me!

I would not allow my 2 boys to be excessively rowdy and boisterous at a party. Monopolising the play equipment and frightening younger more timid children would not be tolerated. I let them get on with it at home for a while but this kind of behaviour tends to lead to injury or upset so I let them blow off steam a bit and then stop them before they lose control and go to far. But that is only in our own home. I do notice that they are worse if they can't go out at all during the day so that is definitely avoided. Whilst you may tolerate this behaviour and compliment self control I can't see why you would ever compliment the bad behaviour.

I would agree that boys and girls are equally badly behaved in their own way but because it is so physical with boys (making a generalisation obviously) it is more obvious than the name calling and verbal nastiness of girls. Half the time you don't know what the girl has been saying because unless you are close you can't hear.

For example, DS1 plays with a girl after school some evenings while I chat to her mother and on occasions they have fallen out. They are off at the other side of the playground and DS1 appeared to push the girl away quite roughly and frankly it looked bad. However, when I asked him about it after we got home he told me all the things she had been saying and I am surprised that he had only pushed her away - she had been viscious. From a distance DS looked like he was behaving badly and she didn't. I doubt the girl got told off for her behaviour but DS did and looked the 'naughty' one.

At least you know where you are with a boy and should be able to deal with it accordingly. The mothers in the OP may be proud of their boys but they have to accept that they need to control them in company. Being a boy is not an excuse for bad behaviour but then neither is being a girl.

Boisterousness is just the sort of thing that boys do. Like peeing standing up. It's not praiseworthy. But neither is it a bad thing unless it artually involves careless or destructive behaviour. It's the hurting of others through thoughtless boisterousness that should be condemnned.

I do however think that stopping any children from letting off steam physically is a bad idea.

Agree with others here - bouncing around like tiggers is essential, rough-housing so that smakler children are hurt/upset, needs to be dealt with.
TM, though, you wouldn't be egging your boys on in a congratulatory way
Ds is very big on wrestling with his friends at the mo and the deal on playdates is they do it somewhere in the house which will not flatten dd and her dollies. Stoic is the word for having to put up with the thumps, yowls and giggles once these terms of engagement are agreed...

I think boys and bouncy castles are not a good mix. Particularly when there are smaller more fragile children on the equipment. It is nigh on impossible for a boisterous boy bouncing up and down not to go completely crazy ime. the only way that it can properly be managed is by number restrictions and keeping the bositerous ones off when the smaller ones are on.