3year old DS suddenly crying and screaming at every little thing.

[Cuttingthecheese]

He is suddenly so stubborn and really emotional and we have no idea how to handle it
I have tried reasoning, shouting, disciplining on the naughty step and today I have been pressed right to the end of my tether and I threatened to smack him I don't want to have to resort to threats of violence or the act itself but I just cant cope with how he is behaving. I know kids can be irrational but he just screams and screams in temper and I don't know how to help him. His brother is 4 months old now and is also starting to be needy and whiney and some days I just feel like leaving. Please does anyone have some coping strategies I can try? I really do need some help.

What type of thing is he screaming about?

My dd went through a phase of screaming and crying over everything. Getting dressed, for example, was a daily battle. Actually pretty much everything was a daily battle. Some times when it was getting too much for me I'd just walk out of the room for a minute and take deep breaths to calm down before going back in to deal with it.

Fingers crossed, she does seem a lot better nowadays. It went on for a few months and it still happens sometimes but it's much less frequent. I hope it gets better for you soon.

It really is anything. There's nothing specific. Some days it's eating his dinner, tonight it was taking a shower and brushing his teeth.

DH had to take over tonight as I just felt so overwhelmed. At least we do help each other where we can I suppose

If it is really sudden are sure he isn't ill?

I would say the "honeymoon period" of having a new sibling is over, and he's realised the baby is here to stay - and you're now getting him working through that.
A bit of understanding, kindness, and reassurance that he is still special and not replaced might help

Is he tired? This time last year my DD was exhausted from her first term at nursery school, long winter term and all the bugs.

My 3 yr old DD is going through this phase too.
And I've been where you are, I know how frustrating and exhausting it is.
It's almost like they're attention seeking, and when you leave the room you find that the temper tantrum stops and they go through another process of emotion, usually crying.
There's no advice I can really give, other than you're not on your own. It is better to leave the room when you feel that overwhelmed than continue to try and battle.
In fact I think during melt downs it is best to leave them to it, I always find trying to engage just provokes them more.
You're lucky to have someone take over, I don't.

The thing is he adores his baby brother. I know I need to make time for him but I just feel like I have none at the moment. Though I'm probably making things worse

I was going to ask if he could be poorly? My dd is 3 and the last week or so she has been bloody hard work, just like your son. She was brewing a cold and is now absolutely stuffed up with and awful one, but her behaviour has gone back to normal. I had to constantly remind her that she needed to listen to mummy and that there would be consequences if she didn't as things were becoming unsafe. My consequences were no TV or films for a set amount of time or missing out on an activity she wanted to do.

Take him to the GP just got s check over. It's probably nothing but it happens ed with us when dd had literally just turned 3. She was crying a lot, grumpy, tantrums and tired and she actually was very unwell

Don't worry to Worry you but If it's sudden maybe s good idea for a check up x

Oh and although it's hard, the more emotional he gets, the calmer you need to get. Act the opposite to how you feel. You may feel like screaming and running away, but instead you should go very still and quiet, and say calmly that you are waiting for him to calm down. That's it. Then when he does, say well done for calming down, have a cuddle and say now let's get on with x y z.

Sorry for typo phone really playing up !

Agree it's a reaction to his new sibling. When my second came along my eldest adored her, never showed the slightest anger. But to us, definite difficult behaviour!!

His world has been turned upside down and he's trying to push the boundaries maybe to see where he ranks against the baby?

Can you carve out some one on one time with him??

Praise him like mad when he's gentle and good with the baby.

On a day when your dh is off work, would it be possible to maybe have a morning where he takes your ds out to do something just the two of them, to give you a bit of a break and give them some time together. Then you could spend some time in the afternoon doing something special with ds, so he gets some bonding time with you both.

We had similar behaviour at this age. Getting cross made it a whole lot worse and discipline methods also ineffective. Clearly, smacking is not the way forward. Best course of action hear was ignoring & a nonchalant 'I will talk to you when you speak nicely to me, I don't like being shouted at' sort of response. No rise whatsoever. Things returned to normal pretty quickly though phase was hard work at the time. He's still a hot head but far fewer incidents we can't quickly turn around. Best of luck - it does appear to be an age related thing.

Oh and yes, praise/attention for good behaviour plus expect it from him, rather than mistrust him.

OK, so today is a new day. I made sure I put him back to bed when he got up at 4.30 (another unwanted habit that has come with the the new behaviour) and he slept until 20 to 7 so hopefully will be a little less tired than the last week or so. He immediately started this morning being defiant and nasty (I don't love you mummy being his current favourite ) I am endeavouring to remain calm and keep my voice neutral and be affectionate. Let's see how today goes. Time for breakfast!

The "I don't love you" is classic testing behaviour following a new sibling - he's checking to see if you still love him now you have a new child who takes up all your time. A good response would be "well I love you lots" and reassurance that he's still your baby :)

Sounds like you're doing grand. Tough and on minimal sleep even tougher. Hope it gets easier v soon - hang on in there. Positive reinforcement etc. I sometimes find acknowledgment of bad moods helps - 'I get angry/sad too, would you like a cuddle to make you feel happier?' Or some such response.
Really feel for you - just don't let his behaviour get you down too much, just a phase...

Just thought I would give a quick update. I have taken all you have said on board and so far, today has been a better day. DH took him out this morning to the supermarket on his own (usually I would pack them all off together to get a couple of hours to myself) he actually said thank you daddy, just me and you I feel terriblyou guilty. He has been feeling neglected and all I've done is get cross at him. I have made a promise to myself to try harder to find time to spend with him. I do find this quite hard as I am naturally quite introverted so the constant demand for me to give attention can be quite distressing for me at times. DH now at work and he had the afternoon at nursery, let's see how bedtime goes!

No real advice but watching with interest as my 3.11mo ds1 is like this too. He also has a littlest brother but he is 16mo now so I cannot fall back on the new baby reason!!

My ds1 has always been mega hard work so this is just one tough stage in a long line of many 😐

I have a terrible temper and don't cope very well with stress/emotionally charged situations and tend to fly off the handle and scream at him though which is definitely not right inknow.

Am going to try really hard to ignore him when he provokes me (he snarls and is rude/angry with me a lot....perfectly charming at nursery so this is definitely a mummy issue). I like the idea of calmly saying "I will talk to you when you talk nicely" but he goes absolutely BONKERS if I withdraw my attention from him so am not sure how that will pan out? I cannot imagine home just claiming himself down and talking nicely again- I Ann sure it would just escalate the situation. Has anyone else felt like this?

Also watching with interest. Since I went back to work (only part time) DS (3.5) is challenging everything. I get tantrums in the morning and whinging in the evening.

It's draining isn't it?

Really proud of myself. He started being awkward passing about at bedtime and I kept my cool. I am quite surprised how hard it was for me though. Work in progress I think. Overall a big improvement but this is just one day. I have found that he mirrors the way I speak to him "Bot", have you considered that he is copying the way you behave. My DS certainly copies my tone and tried to tell me to do things 'NOW' which I know comes from us

Pissing about* not passing

Oh fantastic!

Oh and we have copying here - my 5 yo will talk to us the same way we talk to her - and then we get all offended and tell her off for being rude I felt awful when I realised.
So I'm trying to change how I talk to her, and when she does "answer back" or tell me off I explain why it's not appropriate for her to say that to me
As calmly as I can manage!

It's all a learning curve....