3year old DS suddenly crying and screaming at every little thing.

[Cuttingthecheese]

He is suddenly so stubborn and really emotional and we have no idea how to handle it
I have tried reasoning, shouting, disciplining on the naughty step and today I have been pressed right to the end of my tether and I threatened to smack him I don't want to have to resort to threats of violence or the act itself but I just cant cope with how he is behaving. I know kids can be irrational but he just screams and screams in temper and I don't know how to help him. His brother is 4 months old now and is also starting to be needy and whiney and some days I just feel like leaving. Please does anyone have some coping strategies I can try? I really do need some help.

Result! Well done op - sounds like you have your answer. Fwiw tiredness is a big issue here all over again - maybe a growth spurt or leap - and this definitely escalates bad behaviour. I've introduced an afternoon 'quiet/chilled' time & we often snuggle on the sofa together (heavily pregnant so grateful for the rest myself!). Not that this is easy with a baby sibling to entertain too, I know. Good luck and don't beat yourself up for getting frustrated...

A better day but a terrible night. He was up 4 times (previously a solid 6-6 sleeper) between midnight to now.

I just cannot handle the way he is being with a small baby.

DH no help (snored through the whole thing) when baby woke up at 4 wanting fed I woke him and asked him to do it siting the fact I'd been up to both 4 times already 3 DS1 and 1 baby, and got told I could do it as he is on a (one off I might add) double shift today. (When he says double shift he normally works a 4 hour shift so he is only doing an average 8 hr shift today ).

You really do have my sympathies. I do remember my eldest being up in the night when his baby brother was tiny - I put it down to a sort of anxiety related regression. It didn't last very long but was utterly exhausting (and I mostly did nights alone). Your dh isn't being v fair but I almost preferred being the tireder one as my dh is far grumpier when sleep deprived and I needed his support not competitive tiredness.
Anyway, the reassurance, consistency & love will continue to improve things I am sure. Is DS old enough/responsive to a marble jar for collecting a marble every time he goes through the night without waking/is a really good boy? My two responded well to the positive reinforcement plus incentive (treat when jar is full being a special day/morning out). Hope you get some rest today. Early nights for a while?