just had this email from ds form tutor. i am so upset

[7swansaswimmingup]

these are comments from 2 of his subject teachers.

* is a pain, and it doesn't seem to make a difference who I sit him next to, I'm going to sit him on his own next week. I'm with them now, and if I've had to ask Luke to concentrate once, I've asked him a hundred times.

** is very disruptive and I have had to have serious words with him on a few occassions. He cannot be trusted to work on his tablet as he plays games or makes noises on it so quite often I make him work on paper. He completes very little work and tries to stop others working as well. I was actually going to call home on Wednesday if his behaviour hasn't improved.

I think it's you 7up that has had concerns with your ds before?

Whatever your sons behaviour is like it is completely unacceptable to send you this in an email - ring the school this morning and make an appointment to go in - if his behaviour is like this - they need to agree with you how they are going to move forward and what kind of strategies will be put in place and what they want you to do - make sure it the rewards are positive and it doesn't just focus on any bad behaviour but what he does well.

Good luck - try not to get too upset and while your son is probably the most treasured thing in your life - try to listen to what the school says without being overly defensive - as upsetting as it may be - if he is misbehaving at school - you need to work with them to sort it out.

I work with EBD pupils and have been a teacher too - I would say that the first comment in particular is completely inappropriate and tbh rather childish.

ah well - if his behaviour is not a shock then you really do need to phone the school and go in.

hi blossomhill,dont think i have mentioned school probs before

cornflake kid, he attends the same school i am a teachers assistant in. i went and saw his form tutor yesterday and she said she would email me about him but her saying to me "i think he could be insecure, hes such a precious boy", i really wasnt expecting that email.

im guessing that she sent an email to all his teachers asking for reports back on him, the two ive put below are the worst ones.

ive spoke to him this morning and something is bothering him but he wont tell me what. i feel like leavingthe school now, especially has the father of my youngest works there and is dragging methrough court again

do his teachers know the situation with your ex? its bound to be having an effect, dont be too hard on him. if school knows they may be able to arrange some help?

i dont think a lot of the teachers know about the trouble with the ex. i didnt realise the problem was this bad as his school report a fortnight ago didnt reflect this at all.

i have been dubious about telling all and sundry the issues going on with the ex, hes a languages teacher, as he obviously knew about ds probs before me when he commented a few weeks back that ds was not doing well and hed make his opinion that this was because his father didnt have contact with him. he was information gathering i think ready for court so he can GET my youngest so so speak as my failure with the eldest.

sorry waffling.

ds's books are so neat and the work has ticks all over it so im really stunned

7up, have you considered moving schools? Both you and ds? Considering the problems you are having with the ex, it would seem the best move. I know how he treats your eldest and this must have an effect on him, probably even more than not having contact with his own dad.

If his school report was good, I would definitely be taking up the matter with the school as they clearly weren't being totally honest in that report, were they, if matters are this bad now?

i have thought of that freckle but the nearest secondary school is about half hour away including school traffic and all his friends go to the one hes at which is half amile down the road. hes stormed off to school so ive emailed his form tutor to warn them. im so upset by it all

I hope you dont mind me posting but 7up I think the e mail and the tone of it is totally inappropriate, and why was none of this raised in his school report?

I dont know anything about you, your ds or your circumstances so sorry if you think I am out of line but I really think it is totally unprofessional and even if the staff knew me because I worked there I would not be happy about getting an e mail like that.

I hope you manage to get things sorted fwiw I had terrible problems with one of mine at school he was always in trouble in class basically it turned out he was bored and incredibly clever

Why are they contacting you be e-mail??

I think that alone is highly inappropriate.. surely any correspondence a school should have with the parents should be either by letter or phonecall? Preferrably a letter in my case. The whole tone of that e-mail is extremely rude & unprefessional, even if your ds is playing up etc, there are more positive ways to tell you that than the wording in that e-mail..

Your ex should mind his own business re: Your sons contact with his father, that is damn all to do with him if you ask me.
Reply, stating that you feel this e-mail was unnesscessary (sp??) and that any future communication must be done by letter or telephone..

at wording of this email. Like you say, they obviously sent an email around asking for comments, but then anyone with common sense would have re phrased things before sending on comments to the parent.

I don't think emails are inappropriate, but I think in order to sort this out you need to speak face to face.

All sounds very negative. Insist on developing a POSITIVE plan to move forward and help your child.

at the contents of that email. Completely unprofessional imo, regardless of how your DS is behaving.

thank you for your replies,

ive emailed the form tutor back and said i think we need to have a meeting. when he first started the school i had really positive thoughts back from teachers "oh hes doing so well" blahblah blah. im pretty pissed off that things have been left to get this bad because as far as i can gather they would have spent a few weeks "gathering" information about ds from his subject teachers before deciding if there was a problem or not.

ive asked the teacher if she can investigate whether his behaviour change has coincided with the ex being very verbally aggressive to me which resulted in ds running off in tears for a few hours

in support of the form tutor,when i spoke to her yesterday i did ask her to email me so i had it in writing instead of a phone call which are forgotton. i was still totally shocked by the email contents though.

to top it all, ds stormed off to school very angry and upset and waslooking forward to his new bed being delivered today. the men came and couldnt get the bloody thing up my stairs so it got took back! my mum was so upset for ds that she started crying, so my parents have rushed out to order him one from heli-beds to be delivered today

Oh what fabulous grandparents!

I too think that the wording of the email was unnecessary and unprofessional. I would demand a meeting with the head (not just the form tutor) and ask why such comments are being made about a child.

The school really should be more careful. In these days of open information, parents have a right to see any records kept about their child (perhaps you should ask to see ds's file) so teachers should be very careful about what they write in them.

yea he wouldnt be getting his bed without them and theyre paying double the price for it.

am i honestly beingtoo soft then about this school business? i spose i dont have too much confidence because of working then and the ex being and not wanting toupset the applecart so to speak.

im hoping the form tutor will speak to him at 1.25 which is tutor time and he might tell her what is bothering him at least i can support him more then, at the moment he just grunts and says its not me but that he cant tell me

ive just phoned the year 7 student services support manager and told her whats happenend, she said shes never heard his name mentioned and apparently nor has the head of year 7! even more confused now.

will wait and see if she rings back and lets me know what the hell is going on.

Keep the e-mail and put in a formal complaint. If he's that- no I won't say bad, kids aren't- if he's struggling that much they should call you in for a chat / put together a plan of action. The e-mail is abysmal and msutn't be ignored!

On a more proactive note, I would just say OK if that's your view, what do you propose we do then? Teachers shouldn;'t just throw out this shite without having a plan of what to do next.

you may have asked for an e-mail, but in light of the comments e-mail should have read 'We need a chat to put together a plan to improve things for X'

hi peachy, i did complain over the phone to the student support lady, shes going to invesitgate and get back to me. iemailed her the email and she was very surprised also and couldsee why i was so upset. just waiting for dsto walk through the door now, dreading what mood he will be in if anythings been said

I am almost wondering if some of the teachers could have confused him with another boy with the same first name? The glowing report plus the fact that the student support woman and the head of year haven't had anything said to them just doesn't sit well with the email comments.

when i read the OP i thought it had been a mistake, it had been an informal email between teachers, sent to you accidentally

are you sure thats not whats happened?

i am in utter shock a teacher would send an email to a parent

never mind worded like that

god forbid any teacher sends me an email like that about my dd's. they will regret it for sure

how odd your teacher emails oy

i think you should ask the teacher if she really meant to send it to you

im sure it was meant for another teacher

god ho funny
i de be mortified if my kid was said ot behave like that

i mean " how funny " if theteacher cocked upand repleid to all by mistake