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Original poster

Anyone use a naughty step?

36 replies

kid · 02/09/2006 15:21

DS is 4.5 and becoming a real handful lately. He has always been strong willed but he is getting out of hand now.
There are 2 things that I want him to stop doing, I want him to stop shouting at me and to stop hitting his sister.

I started using the naughty step (which I never liked the idea of before) 4 days ago. It started really well, on the first day he was sent to it 3 times, on the 2nd day just once. But on the 3rd day, he just refused to stay on it. After I take him off the step, he says that he doesn't like it so I remind him why he was sent there and if he didn't shout/smack then I wouldn't make him sit there.

Now today, he is on the step but shouting and screaming at me. He shouts any insults he thinks he can get away with, throws anything near him, picks at the stairs.

How long does it take or do you think there is a better method to control his behaviour?

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zaphod · 02/09/2006 15:38

I use the step, but we don't call it the naughty step. It works quite well for my 4 and 3 year olds. I tell my 4 year old, that I won't set the clock until he sits. I make him stay for 4 mins, if he keeps shouting I add on a minute. If he really throws a strop, I ban him from his favourite TV program, or TV altogether, as well as time out on the step.

When he comes off he has to apologise to the offended party. We use the step for offences like hitting and swearing. It will take a while for your ds to realise you mean business, but it should start to work for you as long as you are consistent.

ocd · 02/09/2006 15:38

ignore him on it
i am reusing it for ds3
the others are too old imo

auntymandy · 02/09/2006 15:40

I do but DS4 loves it and is naughty to go on it..he is almost 2!!!!!!

Tommy · 02/09/2006 15:41

We have it - it's called the bottom stair as I dont like the reinforcing of the "naughty" thing.

Sometimes I have to sit there physically holding him there for the required minutes (but not talking to him) and sometimes he will stay there on his own. I don't use it a lot TBH - I'm using the pasta jar thingy at the moment as well.

ocd · 02/09/2006 15:43

yes once they pass5 i find it is pointless
i use it for tantruming preschoolers
lol at " naughty"! why elese deos he htink = he is there?

Twiglett · 02/09/2006 15:44

explain to him that you won't start counting until he's quiet

once he's quiet start counting

when(and he will) he shouts at you .. go to him, get down to his level and say "right, I'm going to have to start counting from the beginning again because you just shouted at me"

then start again

and again

auntymandy · 02/09/2006 15:45

Ds refuses to get off when his time is up!!!

hunkermunker · 02/09/2006 15:46

I know someone who uses and uses and uses the naughty step and threat of same, so much so that the phrase sets my teeth on edge.

Her daughter's not even "naughty" - her mother just doesn't want her to behave like a child, just a mini adult

Don't do naughty step for DS1 - wouldn't work. Have asked him if he wants to go and sit on the bottom step for a bit because he likes sitting there and it gives him a chance to calm down if things are getting a bit much for him. He usually toddles off there and comes back happy.

Original poster
kid · 02/09/2006 15:46

DD is 7 and deliberatly hurt her brother on the 1st day just so I would put her on it. She soon realised it was no fun and didn't do it again.

As long as he sits on the step, I ignore the noise he makes and believe me he makes plenty. My neighbours probably think I am trying to kill him! When he gets off the step, I have tried telling him to go back on it. I have also walked towards him to put him back on it or else he runs back to it as soon as I step towards him.

Its good to hear it works for others, I have seen it on the super nanny programmes but never intended to use it myself, but the time has come when I need to use it!

What problems did you find when using it, and what did you find worked to stop it?
I don't have a timer but I tell him he must stay there until I come to get him.

OP posts:
Lmccrean · 02/09/2006 15:47

its "quiet time", rather than "naughty cornor" as we also use it when shes getting too boisterous and needs a minute to calm down. I dont have a time limit, its have a think about whats just happened and what you should do about it then you can come out (apologize, pick up toys etc). I have friends who force apologies which make them so insincere.

ocd · 02/09/2006 15:47

oh you big poofs
" i dont use the word naughty"
snort

Tommy · 02/09/2006 15:49

I use the word naughty, cod - I just don't like the concept of the "naughty step" or corner or whetver it is - never have not through 10 years of teaching either

hunkermunker · 02/09/2006 15:49

Cod, you'd not use it if you'd heard this woman.

"Do you want to go on the naughty step? I'll put you on the naughty step if you dont eat your lunch/play nicely/share your toys/read this book properly/sit on my lap beautifully/etc, etc, etc. You know where you're going if you don't x, y or z, that's right, the naughty step"

"This is the naughty step and you will stay on it until I say you can get up again. Stay on the naughty step. Don't get off the naughty step"

I think I want to kill her, actually.

ocd · 02/09/2006 15:50

agree re forcign of apoligies.

hunkermunker · 02/09/2006 15:51

Oh, yes, had forgotten "Now say you're sorry and you can come off the naughty step."

I want to say "Now you never say naughty step again and I'll take my foot off your throat".

Original poster
kid · 02/09/2006 15:52

Is she that bad HM?! LOL

OP posts:
hunkermunker · 02/09/2006 15:55

Most of the time...

She started to explain to me how the naughty step works the other day... HOW I held back, I'll never know...!

eatyergreens · 02/09/2006 15:57

Hiya, we have a thinking step, which works a treat for the big issues - hitting, screaming, etc, but I think that any communication at all while doing a time out is a reward as DS has succeeded in, once again, getting my attention. I do, however have very loud chats with DH - or anyone else who is at hand - about why he is there and how he must be quiet before i can even start the clock.

I've also been known to tell DS' fave teddy bear why DS is on the step, what a shame it is that mummy can't start the clock until he stops shouting, moving, etc.

I have even been seen telling this to a large ornamental goose currently residing in the hallway, but that's another story... Basically, anything that stops you communicating with teh child during a time out works for me.

If DS runs away or climbs the stairs i sit behind him and hold my arms round his waist. He hates it and stays put/quiet next time -- even if i don't need the step for a week or so.

eatyergreens · 02/09/2006 15:57

Hiya, we have a thinking step, which works a treat for the big issues - hitting, screaming, etc, but I think that any communication at all while doing a time out is a reward as DS has succeeded in, once again, getting my attention. I do, however have very loud chats with DH - or anyone else who is at hand - about why he is there and how he must be quiet before i can even start the clock.

I've also been known to tell DS' fave teddy bear why DS is on the step, what a shame it is that mummy can't start the clock until he stops shouting, moving, etc.

I have even been seen telling this to a large ornamental goose currently residing in the hallway, but that's another story... Basically, anything that stops you communicating with teh child during a time out works for me.

If DS runs away or climbs the stairs i sit behind him and hold my arms round his waist. He hates it and stays put/quiet next time -- even if i don't need the step for a week or so.

misdee · 02/09/2006 15:59

lol HM, i think i would throttle her.

we dont have any steps in here, so dd1+2 get timed out in their room if needed. I havent had to do it for 3 weeks so far. basically i just plonk them in the room if they are having a full blown tantrum/meltdown, and leave them their till their time is up (6+4 minutes). I also put myself in time out if i get worked up (lock myself in bedroom or bathroom to calm down)

Original poster
kid · 02/09/2006 16:01

I like the idea of telling someone/something why DS is there without having to tell him. The other day, he screamed and shouted for what felt like forever until he realised he wasn't getting my attention. Once he was quite I left him for a few minutes and then went and told him he can come off now as he sat quietly for 5 minutes.

I'll try the talking to the dog the next time I have to use it.

OP posts:
sleepysooz · 02/09/2006 16:45

Don't you just hate those 2 yo screaming tantrums, our ds tantrums for most of the day, every task he has to do, like getting dressed, going out, mealtimes, bath times, he doesn't respond to the 'naughty step' at all, makes him even worse, my key is to stay calm (however I do that I don't know) if I get cross with him we all end up upset! but what do you do with screaming! aaaaaaaaaaaaaaah! I have tried to ignore, doesn't make a scrap of difference!

I have twins dd & ds 2.10 like stroppy little teenagers!

princessmel · 02/09/2006 17:04

Hi, we have a naughty mat but its usually just reffered to as the mat. Its the front door mat. ds 3.5yrs goes there after a few warnings. I put him there with a brief reason "I'm putting you on the mat because you squashed your sister, I'll be back in 3 minutes etc" then leave him there for 3.5 minutes.
He sometimes just sits there , sometimes crys and sometimes screams and shouts for me to come back. I just ignore everything. When I go back I go down to his level and ask him why I put him on the mat , is he ready to say sorry and have a cuddle etc. Usually thats it over with but sometimes he's so cross that when I go back he says he's not ready to come off ,well screams that actually ,so I leave him for another 3 minutes. I give him the choice. Sometimes this goes on for ages and ages. It can be awful but I'd rather he was screamimg and shouting there than right by me.

albatros · 02/09/2006 17:07

I gave up the naughty step and switched to pasta it works really well for me

princessmel · 02/09/2006 17:09

What is Pasta? Apart from food! Is it like the marble jar? We do that too. We have a Happy jar and a Sad jar (they have happy or sad faces on them) and if ds is good a marble from the sad jar goes in the happy jar and vice versa. When happy jar is full ds gets a treat. Is this the same as pasta idea?