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Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

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Original poster

Smug and patronisning Mums - how to handle them.

34 replies

JTN · 26/04/2006 14:43

My DC is now gettingfustrated and does bhave a little badly compared to his peers
I have problem in knowing how to handle other mums at toddler groups
who say
" well WHY isnt he doing that yet?"
" oh my child |NEVER does that"
" my X is so wonderful and such a good child" - implying yours is a devil.
please help.

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

CountessDracula · 26/04/2006 14:44

Just shout "fuck off" and run away

or ignore them, they are telling fibs

Northerner · 26/04/2006 14:45

just say 'Oh I'd hate it if my child were like yours. I luke a child to have spirit'

sallystrawberry · 26/04/2006 14:45

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

NotQuiteCockney · 26/04/2006 14:46

Smile serenely, realising they are lying, deluded or in for a shock when their child starts standing up for itself.

Twiglett · 26/04/2006 14:48

smile sweetly and say "oh its amazing how their development is so very different" ..intimating that their child is behind

honestly DS was totally placid until he hit about 3.5 .. DD is a fireball at 2 .. they really are different

Original poster

JTN · 26/04/2006 14:49

its just so depressing isnt it why are some women so horrid to each other.

OP posts:

schneebly · 26/04/2006 14:50

just laugh on the inside at their sad exsistence! I think people who do this are often jealous in some way.

FioFio · 26/04/2006 14:50

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted

oliveoil · 26/04/2006 14:50

how old is your son?

we have a feisty character at my m&b group, always hitting and scrapping and his mum is in despair and looks v fed up a lot of the time.

BUT these things go in phases and the smug mums you mention may find that their angel is the little monkey the next week.

I find it best not to be smug.

Lact8 · 26/04/2006 14:51

Poke them in the eye with a big stick and say Oh he gets it from me?

Or at least imagine doing it while following NQC'S advice

Pruni · 26/04/2006 14:51

My advice (from one who knows)
Never let bad behaviour go unnoticed - I mean your dc's. Don't give them the ammo to say it's because you are too soft.
Be calm, firm and creative in your dealings with him/her, but never, ever justify yourself. Just vow to be in control at all times and not discuss your rationale for discipline. (Hmm, I am not so good at that one)
Praise his/her good behaviour whenever you can, and praise their kids too, even if it sticks in your throat. (Actually, praising the kids who are playing with yours is a good way to get yours to behave better, too - apparently. Something about peer pressure or jealousy, I forget.)
Everything else, ignore.
And I agree, they are probably lying.

expatinscotland · 26/04/2006 14:51

Put on your best, sicky sweet Texas accent and croon, 'Well, isn't that just so very lovely for you!' Over and over.

oliveoil · 26/04/2006 14:52

dd2 is always getting hit by dd1 sooooo when she is approached by another child, she thinks 'are you going to pinch my toy/hit me/annoy me?' and gets one in first .

I am forever hovering about going 'BE NICE DD2'.

dd1 was an absolute charm by comparison.

intergalacticwalrus · 26/04/2006 14:53

I agree with CD. Tell 'em to feck off, and find a toddler group where the mums aren't such judgemental harridans, or at the very least stay away from them!

I get this a lot, as DS has been a bit slow on the uptake with speech compared to the others in his toddler group. He was an early crawler/walker though (he was the first to do both) I just point out that they are all different, and they do it all in their own time.

Deffo tell them to piss their kilts if they imply your child is badly behaved. Who are they to tell you? I bet their kids are posessed by the devil as soon as they get through thier front door.

flobbleflobble · 26/04/2006 14:55

Ask them for their advice and tips - see how that approach works

Flum · 26/04/2006 14:55

If you can't beat em join em!!!

I love being smug and always make out my child is angel and my life is perfect just top make everyone else feel inferior.

maybe they are me????????

intergalacticwalrus · 26/04/2006 14:56

Meant to add with the early crawling walking bit about my DS, that the same mothers were really upiity that he did it first. UI think they think I am a bit common, and that I bring my child up on a diet of turkey twizzlers and cherryade.

They are right about the common bit though.

Original poster

JTN · 26/04/2006 14:56

intergalactic yep my dc is a a bit slow on the utake with speech and its soooooooooooo obvious and its so sad as the kids are starting to not want to play with him so he just plays on his own but then get fustrated and misbehaves

OP posts:

Lact8 · 26/04/2006 15:00

Its a no win situation sometimes. DS2 went through a phase of attacking all the other children at playgroup and I could hear the murmuring amongst the other mums. I followed pretty much the same approach as Pruni suggested only for them to tell my mum that I'm too hard on him!

But after 2 weeks perseverence he doesn't hit anyone ( that often!) but the one's who just sit there going 'Don't' and carry on chatting and drinking their tea are still having the same problems

Oh no, I've turned into a smug mum on a smug mums p*ss me off thread

cataloguequeen · 26/04/2006 15:03

Oh please!! JTN they are all lying buggers living in fantasy land (perfect toddlers wt...), you have idea what theirs get up to,probably kicking them in the shins right now fcol!!

Don't worry about the cows.

Lact8 · 26/04/2006 15:09

JTN, DS2 was also slow on the uptake when it comes to talking and I found it so much easier when I realised that was the main cause of his frustration which was leading him to misbehave too.

I'd say make the most of the peace while you can, he'll turn around and start talking in full sentences before too long (and won't that p*ss them all off )

CountessDracula · 26/04/2006 15:50

Is it only me, my group was quite the opposite to this, everyone was always saying such nice things about each other's kids and laughed off any bad behaviour

Pruni · 26/04/2006 15:59

no CD my mates are broadly the same and we all compliment each other's kids then hand out more compliments to even things up.
It's my mum that's the problem (she was slap-happy with us) plus I am a bit disturbed that ds is the most, erm, boisterous one out of my peer group's kids.

niceglasses · 26/04/2006 15:59

I get/have had buckets of this as my ds1 was very erm 'spirited' shall we say. And now my dd1 is even worse in a sort of girly cat-fight way. Strangely the one in the middle is an angel. I go with Pruni re the probably over doing it in public so they can NEVER accuse you of being soft. I always make mine apologise and apologise myself if there has been some sort of scuffle. The sort of 'is he always like this' comments are hard, but I tend to tell the truth and say well, yeah they are actually, full of mischeif ha ha ha........And if they are really sniffy and arsey don't waste your time. Take yer coffee and biccy somewhere else and thank the Lord you aint like them.

Jennypog · 26/04/2006 16:13

Why not say, yes yours may be angels, but mine just picked up the Times last week and started to read it! I couldn't believe it. Did you know that he has started to solve quadratic equations too. Then ask, when did yours start to do that...?

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