Smug and patronisning Mums - how to handle them.

[JTN]

My DC is now gettingfustrated and does bhave a little badly compared to his peers
I have problem in knowing how to handle other mums at toddler groups
who say
" well WHY isnt he doing that yet?"
" oh my child |NEVER does that"
" my X is so wonderful and such a good child" - implying yours is a devil.
please help.

Next time some one says "oh my child never does that." say "ah yes, but he's ugly"

lmao Uwila...

It is all a matter of perspective I suppose

to other mums any comment can be taken the wrong way ... and normally is .. I'm sure they're meaning to be friendly / supportive / kind .. but there's nothing you can say about a child that can't be misconstrued

oo isn't he tall = he's freakishly tall

ahh isn't she pretty = she's kinda dumb ain't she

depends on your mood really

I once took offence at someone commenting on how well DS spoke for his age .. can't remember how now

I agree with that. When it comes to kids you can never say the right thing. When my eldest got into grammar school, people asked me where she was going and so I told them. Then I got all sorts of crap about how I was showing off! Not to my face, you understand, but there was gossip in the playground, or so I was told. So my younger dd goes in September and I haven't told a soul, in fact, I hardly speak about anything to anyone at the school because I have learned my lesson. I keep my gob shut (except here of course). but I don't type with my gob. Good word that.

Agreed yeah, everybody is sensitive re their kids.

Having had 2 v boisterous ones though I think there is an element of very sniffy mums particularly if there kids never to owt wrong. Could just be jealous like!!!

I think the answer is to talk to the nicest most genuine people in the room - the children!

I went to a playgroup like this for a time and ended up ignoring the mothers, who I simply didn't get any pleasure from talking to, so I just played with my DS and ignored them completely. DS was happier because he had my full attention and we had some good playtimes with some of the other kids. Bliss, no stress!

I know these groups are supposedly social time for mums as well but in cases like this, there's no pleasure in it is there?

Say that you read the other day that being so well-behaved when whatever age the mum in question's child is has actually been linked with rejecting their parents in later life.

(Heavens, I'm nasty )

I agree with Twiglett. Recognise that most of the time, most other mums aren't trying to be smug or nasty, they're just making conversation and if you're feeling sensitive, it can feel like a criticism. It's very unlikely to be meant as one however,

my ds1 3.5 is the same, very boistorous, crazy but also incrediably sweet and loving. I agree wiht Pruni, i always pick on when he misbehaviours, ie, hits, pushes etc and take him away from it, then get him to apologies.

But i often feel the same as you, there are certain people i go out with who he always plays up infront of and their kids never do! i often feel i need to justify myself and ask people advise on him. But now i think sod them and just deal with it with my head held up high. I also try to avoid these people now as they make me doubt myself.