Things children say that make you larf!!!

[Cam]

My dd aged 9 told me that she has recently looked at a book in science which shows developmental stages of children.

She solemnly informed me that "at around 12/13 girls start their periods and grow public hair"

dd1 nearly 2 when she's not getting what she wants says, 'okay, outcha ga-go' (too upset to say it properly)
today, on the toilet, wanted me to get her down, and i was saying 'not unless i see a poo' , she says, 'no poo' when i didn't answer and pretended to go away, she calls 'don't make me angry!' i burst into laughter, and she said 'how now? don't make me angry!'
oh, and when she does something she's not suppose to do, and i say don't , she says in an exasperated way, 'i love youOU'

Driving to visit a friend on Wednesday, DD suddenly pipes up 'Is that white car in front a caterpillar car?'

DH works in a factory that makes parts for CAT diggers, etc., so I assumed that's what she meant. After I tried explaining what a CAT was, she looked at me very confused and said, 'No, I mean a caterpillar car like the bright blue one we saw in the carpark yesterday.'

She meant a VW Beetle!!!!

im abeaver scout leader and a while back we had to invest 6 beavers from the same class in school. someone got it a little wrong and within a day the whole town was talking about why the beavers were being INVESTIGATED. we laugh about it now but back then we naerly all died of embarresment..imagine the conversations in the playground!!!

We gave my Mum a lift to a funeral on Tuesday. "What's a funeral" asked dd1 (age 5).
"It's when you go to church when people have died" I explained.
"I want to go with Mamma, I want to see someone die"

She also told me a few months ago that I'd still be beautiful even if I had big boobies.

Oh, and I told her I was thinking about enrolling her in a drama class. "What would I wear?" she asked.
"well, your normal clothes or your school uniform, depending on whether we went straight from school."
"no, I mean which pyjamas?"
"You don't wear pyjamas"
"then why do they call it 'pyjama group'?"

My dd (7) was trying to be v grown up talking to ds about books. She was telling him how good aa Anne Fine book she had read was and how it had won the white bread award! (whitbread) she's at that sensitive age though where we really can't laugh! She's got a cold and had already asked dh that morning if he could get her some itunes from the shop!

Ds 3 yo barges into toilet as I am changing tampon and asks "mummy why have you a rope in your willy?" Child's confused as hell I bet he told his nursery teacher [cringe]

PMSL at this thread but especially the crucifix one.

Ds refused to eat his supper today because 'I'm busy with the tiny giraffe, mummy'. I knew taking him to Whipsnade was a bad idea...

DD has just gone runnin upstairs to find my her hair beads for me to borrow, because she says i need to look sexi if im going out tonight getting drunk she knows me soooooooo well and shes only 4

my dd1 5 was at my mums we was all having roast when she said nan i dont like grapes they were pees poor deprived child haha

I'm pmsl at 'dig grandpa in'
Also the birthday wish one!

Aren't children hilarious...

Today we were at a local country park watching the deer ("Bambi, and thats him grown up, that one is his dad with the jaggy head but his mummy is dead.")

A bee flew around dts2 leg too close for his liking so with a yelp he runs over saying the bee stung him. Knowing fine it hadn't I asked where the bee had stung him waiting to be shown his leg, instead he points to where he had been standing and said "Right there mummy!"

Was sat in a very posh cafe with my daughter, aged 3, swingin her legs, sucking milkshake down her straw and staring at two old (ish) ladies on the next table. After about 10/15 mins of staring she pointed at the two ladies in turn and said VERY loudly "That's a thin one..... that's a fat one". Whole cafe was silent. I went bright red!

love this thread :)

2.2 yr old dd'd been biting and pinching her poor 20 mth old cousin all the time so finally thought i'd better put a stop to it once and for all.

thot i was being clever by giving the victim cousin chocolate each time dd pinched him but she ended up wailing for it too and i normally cave in.

what was funny the other day, the cousin slightly pushed her by accident, and she said "ooh mummy ** pushed me, chocolate mummy chocolate mummy!!!!"

ds1 (2.5)- mama - k* (girl friend from nursery) hasn't got a willy

me - no because she is a girl & only boys have willies

ds1 - yes girls have fancies!
:o

ds1 running on the pavement
me - don't run its dangerous with all the cars (busy road - we are teaching road safety @ the moment)
ds1 - ok
ds1 - oh mama look that man is naughty!
man jogging by swerving into the road to come past us!!

what can you say to that?!?!

A couple more from dd1 (3 tomorrow):

(Proudly) "I can fly like an octopus!"

"Pumpkins can't get married."

Had recently finished reading QPootle5 (in which there is a planet called Dave) to DS (age 4). A friend had emailed us a 3-D scan picture of their unborn baby. We were admiring the incredible detail and called DS over to have a look and said "what's that?" to him - anticpating the response "ahh a baby".

Instead he says "oh it's Dave!".

dd (22 months) was talking to her Daddy on the phone last night when her bottom lip started quivering... she handed the phone back to me and said "Daddy stuck!" and pointed at the handset! She seemed quite upset bless her.

My friend and I were in a v posh department store shopping with her 6yr old when she suddenly said very loudly "Hey, mummy, I think I've got those nits again."

Stupidly let my (then) 4 year old see me 'doing my bikini line' in the bath with a razor (didn't even think about it -he was just in and out the bathroom)

We had obviously told him all about how dangerous razors are because the next day in tescos he shouted a whisper to me in a very sweet and concerned voice -

'mummy, did you cut your front bum off yesterday?'

!!!

Classic moment this afternoon.
DS (5) was sitting at DHs computer in his big office chair. As I came though the door, the back of the chair was all I could see - DS then swivelled the chair round slowly and said

"So Mummy, we meet again " in true James Bond style

In the crowded doctors' waiting room, ds (3) spotted a wet wipe on the floor; he went to pick it up, so I said " No, don't pick it up, it's dirty", to which he asked (loudly) "Has it got poo on it, Mummy?" !!

dd1 excitedly bouncing up and down in our garden the other day pointing to the house and garden two doors down, which has recently swapped owners and now boasts a set of swings
'park, mummy, park'
spent the next 5 mins explaining why she couldn't just go round there!

lol @ 'So Mummy, we meet again'