Things children say that make you larf!!!

[Cam]

My dd aged 9 told me that she has recently looked at a book in science which shows developmental stages of children.

She solemnly informed me that "at around 12/13 girls start their periods and grow public hair"

DS (2.5) looking at a picture of a (female) cow.

"That cow's doing a poo".

DD Whilst showing her new baby sister her talking sully-"now you should never touch the testicles on his back as they are very sharp"Had to remind her theyre called spikes ,to be fair we had been talking about octopusses last week!

tee hee at james bond jnr !

He has since told me that Robbie Rotten said it on Lazy Town.....it just cracked me up though

It cracked me up as well, and DH too, Whizz

When ds1 was 2 and a half, walking down the street opposite an elderly gentleman he said loudly, in a matter of fact voice "That man is really old! He'll be dead soon." . There'd been a recent family bereavement so death was on his mind. Luckily the man thought it was hilarious.

I was on the bus this afternoon with my 3yo ds on my lap. There was a man playing with his little baby ds in a pram, giving a little football and then pretending to take it away. Ds1 announced, really loudly "Why is that man stealing that little baby's football, Mummy? Is he trying to make him cry?" I said "Ssssshh, no, sweetie, that's his daddy and they are playing a game". Ds1 thought about it and asked: "Are they playing "Snatch the ball and make the baby cry?"

Sitting on a bus opposite a woman with a large and overly exposed bosom ds1 3yo shouts, "Mummy! Look at that lady! She's got heee-ooooge nipples!". Didn't know where to look for the next 10 minutes.

Oh and ds1 at 7yo,
"Mummy am I gay?"

I was flabbergasted and spluttered,
"Erm, why do you ask that?"
"Well the boys at school said it was when 2 men love each other, and I love daddy."! Bless his little cotton socks!

DS (2.5) at breakfast.

Wind the bobbin up's quite a good song.

Ds (2.4) yesterday, seeing me getting dried after the shower, was really staring at my tits. "Do you know what they are?" I asked. (Really no idea why...)
Thought for a minute.
"Arms?"

DD1 has finished potty training but it still terribly enthused about the whole thing, When on the toilet in Tesco's a few weeks back she asked if I wanted a wee, I told her "in minute honey, after you've been a good girl and done yours." To which she replied......
Wow can you hear that mummy, that lady in there's doing a wee and a poo! GOOD GIRL LADY!!!!" pmsl and wanted the floor to swallow me whole!!!!!
She also referes to cucumbers as weecumber, smarties are farties and a sandwich is a saminge.......Bless my daughter!!!!
She's 2.5 btw

These are so great

MNHQ - here's the next MN book !!!

Ds (3) woke me up at 5 am last week to say "Mummy, I love you.....as much as chicken pox."

!!!!!!!!!!!

I was just about to wash the chocolate off ds1's face today when he said, quite politely "No, Mummy, it's all right, Daddy will clean me because he is more better than you."

Novelty value, says I

"Daddy! PROTECT Mummy!" - ds, yesterday. Made me PMSL... he was devising a new game based on Big Bad Wolf. He was being the wolf and dh and I the little pigs.

Reminds me when son (then 4) and I were standing in a queue at the local newsagents. A blind man and his guide dog were in front of us. Son boomed "Mummy, that dog is sniffing that man's bum" Shop went deathly quiet and man being sniffed started shooing the dogs face away from the back of his coat.

Looking through some photos of me aged about 7 with a Paigeboy hairstyle "Mummy, was that you when you were a little boy?".

On a passing red disabled carriage with its raincover up, "There's postman pat!"

Or the cringworthy "My daddy's got a REALLY big willy" to the playschool staff, whilst using their facilities.

"My wees have got big smiley faces, like me "said Dd 3, after her first wee of the day after a dry nappy at night.....she obviously needed to go!

Ds1 to his dad
Daddy when Joe came out of mummys tummy did it hurt her
daddy:yes it was quite painful
Ds: and was there lots of blood
daddy: quite a lot
Ds: and did mummy hold Joe when he was all bloody
Daddy: yes she did
Ds Oh YUK thank christ we're not ladies then a'Daddy

Dh and I are creased up over "GOOD GIRL LADT!!"
Absolute class!

I have had such a crap day and these have actually made me cry laughing. Thanks guys!

P.S was woken up the other morning by DD (2.4) singing "I've just always wanted a trumpet" over and over again. I went into her room and she said "Sorry Mummy, but I HAVE just always wanted one"

DS today:
'Mummy, you're going to die soon aren't you?'

Me:
'Why?'

DS:
'Because you're nearly 100.'

Later, I was rubbing my face, as I was tired, and I got...'Mummy, you look really ugly when you do that.'

Luckily, I'm well aware that I'm beautiful and young-looking!

Me and DS" (he's 6)

DS.How come you know everything?
Me.Well,I don't know everything.
DS.You know that 2000+3000 is 10000 and you know how to get splinters out.
Me.It's 5000 honey,and when you are as old as me you will know as much as me.Probably more.
DS.I want to know it all now!TELL ME EVERYTHING NOOOOOOOOWWWWWW!!!!!!!!!

DP: What do you like best about mummy?
DD1 (2.6): She's purple.

?????