Things children say that make you larf!!!

[Cam]

My dd aged 9 told me that she has recently looked at a book in science which shows developmental stages of children.

She solemnly informed me that "at around 12/13 girls start their periods and grow public hair"

Yesterday my dd2 (nearly 3) told me there was a bag 'fuckin the tree'! What she meant was there was a tesco carrier bag stuck in the tree! Had me & dh in hysterics for hours!!

Pernod - that's reminded me about a little boy I used to look after a couple of years ago, who said "ff" instead of "tr"....very interested in forms of transport, so journeys were accompanied by loud shouts of "lorry!!" , "Bus!!!", and "ffuck" - still not sure how I kept the car on the road!!

Yesterday DS came into to us to announce that it was time to get up, he got in for a cuddle, then announced he needed the bathroom.

As he walked across the room, I broke wind in a rather loud manner not something I normally do in front of others IYKWIM.

Mummy was that you?? It was not, it was your Daddy, he said Oh OK, DH was then mock enraged and I took a fit of the giggles.

DS stops halfway across the landing and shouts back to me, if you are laughing like that it was you Mummy cue more helpless giggles from me.

In the bath last night singing "Twinkle, twinkle little star" DD's version goes as follows...

Twinkle, twinkle little star how I wonder what you are, like a dinosaur in the sky.....

PMSL

"keep still Bum boy" said DD, 3yrs, to DS, 1yrs whilst changing his nappy the other night.

And to DD the other day "would you like some lunch DD?" DD replies "Erm, maybe.....im just watching Beebies"

"oh no Mummy where's your willy?" DS 2.5

"Mummy's don't have willies, darling."

"Ah, poor mummy.It'll be Ok" Big sympathetic cuddle.

we were looking at some old photo's of great great great relations my dd1 piped up with " mummmy was everything black and white in the old days"

was shopping in a local supermarket the other day when two teenagers walked past dressed in black from hair to toe, my dd2 stared and as they walked pass she said to me" mummy i know what they are" i said "oh do you, what are they?" she very proudley explained there moths!!!!!!

'Now that you dont feed Joshy anymore, what ARE you going to do with your boobies, Mummy???????' (DS, aged 4)

Been at home with dd (7) all the morning after lunch I needed to go to the supermarket, just as we arrived dd said to me "Mummy how did I get in your tummy"

18 month old dd who has very limited language skills responded to my suggestion that she come out of the bath with the words "no way" as clear as a bell.
Her 4 year old brother has a lot to answer for!!!!!!!

DD rather loudly announced at the dinner table on Easter Sunday (in front of my parents, sil, bil and other family members) , and having nothing to do with any conversations we had been having. "daddy's penis floats up to the top of the water in the bath". I didn't know wether to laugh or cry.

Kindly relative looking at the many chocolate eggs DS1 had “ Oh what are you going to do with all those Easter eggs”

Hysterical DS1 “They’re not Easter’s Eggs, they’re mine!!!”

DS1 (about 6) “I saw two people shagging in the street”
I think he meant snogging!!!

He's 21 this year and the old Easter Egg story gets rolled out every year

me-turning to dp"i cant hear the tv very well can you?"DD1-(4)"why are you deaf mommy?"

When DS was younger he had a problem saying Thank you and it always came out as F*k you, he shocked a good many people with that one. More recently he was playing at shutting me in the kitchen as apparently I had been naughty, he then let me out and told me I was shut in for saying naughty words, he then cuddled me and whispered "ahh did you say Fk sake mummy", in a consoling manner. Another time I was looking after a friends little boy when he started shouting "look at the fks, look at the fks" it took a few moments to realise he meant trucks. Really there's not alot of swearing in my house. DD did used to point out all the "man cars" driving down the road, I never knew what she meant untill we went out in the car with DH, and he called another driver a W*ker, suddenly realised how often he used that word.

Chigagomum, ROFL!!!

DS1 (age 7) and 2 (almost 4) in the back of the car the other day DS2 complaining about being smaller and wanting to be bigger than DS1, DS1:- "It's OK, there are some good things about being younger, you die second and you grow faster."

DS1 commenting on our cat's recent death. "I don't want her to go away in the wheelie bin, I don't want her to get crushed in the bin lorry" ( we thought he was OK about it all) followed by "I think it would have been just a little bit sadder if it had been DS2 who had got run down instead of [insert cat's name]".

DD poorly today (another asthma attack) and we were saying how worried we were and how we'd die for the actual cure to be produced etc. She goes: "I don't want to die". :o

Went up to S. Yorkshire to collect my neice and whilst there telephoned GS to say goodnight to him. He was in his usual tormenting mood and kept pestering to go on the computer (it's passworded and only I have the password) so I jokingly said "The only way you'll get on the computer would be to kiss my bottom" to which he replied..."it's big but can't kiss it from here...." Out of the mouths of babes eh?

He's three BTW - or as he keeps insisting 3 1/2.

my niece - omg! my mum lives next door to a total pain in the bum, mum's nickname for her is Mrs Bucket (keeping up appearances) which tells you everything you need to know about her!

anyway, mum is chatting to her over the fence when along comes my niece with her mum (my sis). niece comes over, stands next to my mum, looks at neighbour and pipes up......

"Why do you call her mrs bucket grandma, she doesnt look like a bucket"

my sis lets out a strangled half laugh half groan and drags her away but you can still hear her off in the distance wailing "but she doesnt look like a bucket"

Can I include my MIL, she has an amasing ability to switch words.

Recently my son wasnt well and she took him to the walk in centre to see a nurse. I phoned her to see how they were getting on "oh were fine, just about to go and see the triad nurse!!!"

Another time

She rung a wrong prone number the other day and when she realised she said "I must have mesmerised the wrong number"

When dd was about 4, dh told me my outfit (which I liked) made me look like a secretary (it wasn't meant as a compliment). I was somewhat upset until dd came into the room and said consolingly "Mummy you don't look at all like a vegetarian"

Friends dd (2yo) called the pushchair a bugger and the double pushchair a bugger bugger.

My son was about 6 and had been playing football with some older boys... he said that one of them had sworn and used the R word... I asked what the R word was and it was...

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ARSE...

DS (2yrs 8 months) is going through a very imaginative phase and is having weird dreams and the other day we were passing me neighbour and he started pointing at her shouting 'lady's house dark! spiders! bats! butterflies!' ghe did this repeatedly in a very loud voice! Goodness know what she thinks I have been saying about her!

Not exactly what he said but what he did. We where at the checkout in Tesco the other week and there was a rather large lady in frount of us. My DS, almost 2, grabbed a handfull of the ladies flesh and started to make funny noises! The women turned around and said "Yes, I know i'm fat" I could have died!