Things children say that make you larf!!!

[Cam]

My dd aged 9 told me that she has recently looked at a book in science which shows developmental stages of children.

She solemnly informed me that "at around 12/13 girls start their periods and grow public hair"

At two my DD announced loudly in the changing room in TopShop on Oxford Street and repeated about 16 times - as they do

'MUMMY THEY DON'T FIT YOU! THEY DON'T FIT YOU MUMMY! THEY DON'T FIT YOU!

yeah ok, I whished the floor could swallow me up but obviously it couldn't as I was too fat to even be swallowed up by the Topshop floor.

my ds1 uttered the immortal wheres ur willy question (hes 3 btw) i said that i haven;t got one because only boys have willies. his reply :" 'ats right, boys have willies, girls have shoes"

sorry if u have already heard it but was too funny not to post again!

oh rarrie, my dd1's done that ever since seeing the panto ugly sisters. Any plain looking woman she says in a huge stage whisper "that's a man dressed up"

Nephews friend when offered a strawberry:
'Oh, a strawberry? I'm rather partial to them actually!'
Bear in mind he was only 5 at the time!

Ds on plane after long flight:
'Ergh daddy! Was that smell you?'
Looked at a very red, embarrassed poor dh who just wanted the floor to swallow him up! I pmsl and couldn't talk til we were in the baggage reclaim.

Ds2 was singing the other day using the word boll_ocks repeatedly. Of course when I asked where had he heard it he said Daddy.

He's at the age where he keeps catching me off guard and coming out with incredibly grown up things that stop me in my tracks. The saying 'he's been here before' suits him down to the ground.

Last summer, on holiday, my dp and dd (then 4)were having a great time with their nets in the rock pools, when it was time to head back she wailed v.loudly "I want to catch some more tramps" she meant shrimps

my ds (3) recently told granny he was making a 'crap' on the stairs. He can't yet pronounce the 'tr' sound - he meant trap :)

While looking through his childrens encyclopeadia, DS1 seemed to pause on the reproduction page.
He pointed to the diagram of the sperm gathering around the egg & said "Look Mummy"
Just as I was gearing myself up to answer the dreaded question - he added "That eyeball is looking at all the fireworks!!"
I think we will leave him with that theory for a few more years!!!

I took ds aged 3 swimming at the local beach pool. Periodically, the water fountain comes on creating an umbrella type effect as the water cascades down. I asked ds if he wanted to go under it. "No," he replied. "It's wet in there!"

Yesterday morning, as usual, had the Today programme on the radio in the bathroom. Changing ds's nappy when suddenly he announced: 'You like a Tony Blair'. I denied it. He then insisted 'Daddy like a Tony Blair'. Denied it again. Firm response: 'Stacey (his nanny) like a Tony Blair. Told him 'no'. He thought deeply about this and finally, with a great air of having resolved this tricky question once and for all announced: 'I don't like a Tony Blair'.

Do you think I should warn Tony the game's up, now he's lost the confidence of the nation's two year olds? (Later questioning revealed Gordon's a shoe-in).

Ds (22 months) pointing at our messy unmade bed one morning (which looked like dh was sleeping in it)

Daddy, oink oink....making snoring pig noises and signing pig too

My ds3 aged 2 sitting on my lap this morning, turned around and did the most enormous burp right in my face. I said " Oh yuck - what do you say?" To which he promptly replied " Thank you"!!
We are almost there with the manners.
I also wish my ds2 aged 4 could get to grips with the s sound. He still insists that he "shits on chairs" and last summer whilst on a picnic " Grandpa did sht on a thistle"!

DD (2.3) at her first morning at playschool yesterday, pointed to 'keyhole' t-shirt one of the teachers was wearing, and said 'oh NO, what happened?!?'

This exchange between dd1 (5) and dd2 (4) made me pmsl tonight...

dd2: I don't ever want to be a grown-up.
me: Why not?
dd2: Because I don't want my tummy to split open.
me: Umm... why?
dd1 (long-suffering, you're so dense mother voice): To have babies of course.

(Then, to dd2): They don't have to come out through your tummy. You can have them through your bottom, like how Mary had baby Jesus. She didn't have to go to hospital, so it doesn't hurt when you have them through your bottom.

I didn't enlighten them

In the doctors this morning dd2 spotted a lady in a wheelchair, pointed at her and said "nice buggy"

"I am buzzlightyear, I come in pieces"

DS2, aged 3 said today, "I've always wanted to be a princess", me "are you sure you want to be a princess, don't you want to be a prince", DS2 annoyed now "No I want to be a princess", me "With a crown, a pretty dress and a handbag?", DS2 "Yes".

ROFL at these especially the organ hair sandyballs...
ds, six, to dh...dad, what's 15 divided by two?
dd, two and thinks she knows it all...nine o'clock, silly bruvva

Out clothes shopping the other day with DS3 in the buggy.
Every single shop we went in he said at the top of his voice "Ohhh bugger"
Honestly, it was every shop

Now I'm not sure if he's got that from me(coz I do say it) or Dh has been coaching him

OK... this one is entirely of my own making.

Dd2 is going into Reception soon and we've been talking about letters. She also likes trying to write and her surname begins with a letter B (hence the need for a capital B). So... stupidly (what was I thinking of?) I said 'B for boobies... and look, it looks like a pair of boobies'. Hysterical laughter all round, and success insofar as dd2 now knows and remembers what sound B makes and how to write it (like a pair of boobies, obviously).

Childminder had a quiet word yesterday. Dd2 has been teaching the other two children that cm looks after (both 2) that it's 'B for boobies', and every time she writes her name she says, as she writes it ... 'That's Babybell Boobies'. And she goes to school in two weeks. Two weeks to remove 'B for Boobies' from her psyche... Will I do it? Or will I never be able to show my face in her classroom again? (Cos you just know, don't you, that she's going to say 'Oh mummy said it was B for Boobies' )

I've posted this before, buy hey, it's my priviledge!

Dd likes listening to Nirvana and she was asking me all about the singer, what's his name? Where does he live? etc. I told her that he was dead now, so she asked why? How? I said that he was very sad and he shot himself. That was that. Then a few days later we were dancing around to 'Come as you are' and when he sang the lines "and I swear that I don't have a gun" she piped up "he's lying mummy, he does have a gun because he shot himself with it!"

I couldn't answer that one!

My dd a week or so ago. "I know why boys have bottoms as well as willies", I asked why and she replied "because if that had to poo through their willies they would pop!" I had to leave the room trying to restrain myself failing badly! She's 4.5 btw.

Ds sked me yesterday if he could watch the Tiger in the cupboard :o

He meant of course Narnia :)