Things children say that make you larf!!!

[Cam]

My dd aged 9 told me that she has recently looked at a book in science which shows developmental stages of children.

She solemnly informed me that "at around 12/13 girls start their periods and grow public hair"

Was in bath and dd (then aged 2) asked me why I was shaving my leg beard!!

Ds1 age 9 was allowed to say the grace at easter dinner, he started off well dear lord thank you for bringing us together today and for this lovely meal, then went on thank you for watering the fields to make the crops grow, thank you for the farmers who took care of the turkeys and rounder off with and thank you for letting us kill the turkey to eat it!!!
DH almost fell off chair laughing.

Goes with the time we were tossing pancakes and DS1 said mommy your a big tosser (i got them quite high).

Dh took part in a science show aimed at school age children (he's 3) he volunteered to be oxygen and then made us go to the next show so he could be hydrogen (because they have more fun). We dutifully went back, ds waited whilst an oxygen was found and then rushed the stage when she asked for a hydrogen. She asked his name and he thought for ages and then said "I'm hydrogen, how do you do?"

When ds was 16 months old he pointed to a bald man and pointed at his own head and then signed "finished - all gone".

lol at all these stories! I have two of my own to add:

DD, now aged 6 started talking fairly young. By two she was a right little chatterbox and DH would try and engage her in conversation. One evening he asked her 'What did you have for dinner?'

'Food!' she said. perfectly seriously. DH and I looked at each other and burst out laughing. Poor dd walked between us wagged her finger sternly and said 'Mummy, Daddy, stop laughing!' I laughed so hard I thought I'd do myself an injury.

A little while after this, I was out shopping with dd, doing my round of the charity shops (I'm a bargain hunter :) ) We were in a small cancer charity shop and I was waiting to be served at the till. The rather posh-looking woman in front of me was between dd and myself and blocking the way. Dd looked at her and politely said 'excuse me' then again, politely but louder 'excuse me please' The woman ignored her completely so dd said in a loud voice - wait for it! - 'Get out the bloody way!'

I say 'DD!' the woman looks mortified and marches out of the shop. The shop assistant looks at me and we both dissolve into fits of laughter! The most embarrassing thing is that that's a phrase I use frequently when I'm annoyed so I know where she got it from! :p

Hi, when ds1 was 3 (he's 7 1/2 now and even more articulate! LOL) he said "Jesus", so dh said "oh yes Baby Jesus born in Bethlehem". . . "no" replied ds "Jesus when you can't quite do something"!!! (isn't that terrible?! I so watch what I exclaim now. LOL xxx

At bedtime last night DS aged 4 said
"Please go to the kitchen now so I can have some peace and quiet" :o

My DS is 3 1/2. When it rained a lot the other day we were driving to nursery up the valley and the river had burst its banks. Lots of sheep were huddling on the edge of the field by the road. DS suddenly pipes up "Mummy, I know where juice comes from. When it rains a lot, the sheep get all wet, and you squeeze them and that makes juice, doesn't it?" I say, "No sweetie, juice comes from oranges and other fruit". "Well, do oranges come from sheep then, Mummy?

Bless...

On the way to grandfathers funeral yesterday DS (2.8) insisted on bringing bucket and spade to help " dig granpa in ". Really lightened the mood

At ds1's 3rd birthday party, I told him he could make a wish when he blew out his candles.

At bed time he starting sobbing 'but mummy I don't want to be a rabbit'.

We are about to move house and when we told our 3 year old Sebastian, he said, dont forget to take my toys and my cooker otherwise i will have nothing to eat when we get there!

in bed wiht ds2(5) rang dh in california
his phone was off
so i put the phone down

" daddy is asleep " i said

" cna oyu hear him snoring down the phone?" said ds2

Playing I spy with DD1 i the car, going through Salisbury towrds Southampton, she spies somthing beg with "Juh". So we list the usual things, then the not so usual. Then we give up,

And the answer is George Caraway, or the dual carriageway to you and I.

not sure if this qualifies me as bad mom but dd just learned to walk and yesterday kept falling over like a clown in a big top - as soon as she got up, tried to take a step, her little leg would go up in the air and she'd be back on her bottom again. it wasn't just me that was laughing she had a fit of the giggles!

LR rememebr tis 40mph

kirk1 i rofl pmsl serves the woman right!!!!!!!!!!!

just read some of these other stories, i cannot wait for my lo to start talking properly now out of the mouths of babes.........

DS's (3.5) favourite phrase at the moment is:
"Say no more, say no more". Don't know where he got that from.

And if you mention Duck Dodgers (the Daffy Duck cartoon on Boomerang) he'll correct you, saying "No, it's Duck Dargers" (ie. with an American accent)

My ds1 is 2.9 and a very clear talker, with a good memory which explains some this.

'Mommy are you happy wih your car insurance?'
'Mommy, what's a CCJ?'
Too many ads on daytime TV?

DS1 in supermarket checkout to an elderly couple, 'I'm gorgeous, Mommy says so'

'Mommy have you got a willy?'
'No ds I haven't'
'Don't worry you will get one when you are a big boy'

I have really tried to tone down my language when I drive and I don't swear anymore however, I was grumpy about some rubbish driving and a little voice pipes up from the back' You moron!' Thank goodness I don't swear.

When I try and reverse park, at which I am rubbish, DS1 always says, 'Come on Mommy, you can do it!' Followed by a big clap if I do, bless.

This thread has cheered me up no end!

I'm new to the world of driving - ds would say "Oh no she's installed it again.". "Thats right mummy you need the joystick now." (gearstick). Too much pc in this house methinks.

But his funniest is when he came out of bathroom with testicles cupped in hand, peering closely at his bits.
"Mummy are my brains in there?"

My sisters 7year old boy......

Whilst looking at News Headlines a few months ago...
'Mummy why are those two men holding hands and kissing?'

My sister, ' Well darling, when I was little only boys and girls were allowed to get married now two boys can marry or two girls'

Nephew... Punches the air in delight shouting, 'Yes.!! I can marry my best freind Josh when I get older!!!'

What can you say?

Sister just said,' Yes, if you want!'

DS(nearly 3)was picking at his ear yesterday and prodded out a lump of wax "Ohh look, ear bogey" he announced!!!!

The other day we fed snail (stale)bread to the ducks.

DD1 age 4 in the bath with ds 9 months in his bath seat. She was very worried as he was squashing his spectacles(!) on the middle bar of his bath seat. Couldn't correct her for laughing.

She was also cooking the other day with self raising sugar and glacier cherries