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Baby names

Find baby name inspiration and advice on the Mumsnet Baby Names forum.

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Original poster

Parents input on choosing your baby name?

33 replies

KatiePul · 05/04/2010 20:59

My husband and I have chosen quite an unusual name for a boy much to my mothers disgust. She is constantly mentioning it saying how much she dislikes it and makes very negative and hurtful comments about it, such as he will be bullied and what will other people think, something which I don't care about and as for bullying, if that does occur we will deal with it appropriately.
She is really starting to put doubts in my mind about it for the simple reason that I don't want her to look negatively upon her grandson.
Should I stick to the name I love so much and tell her she will just have to get used to it or allow her to have some input? Help, I don't want to upset her.

OP posts:

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LadyOfTheFlowers · 05/04/2010 21:01

My mother didn't like my first born or 3rd sons' names so don't worry about it.

He is your son.

She likes them now for the record.

We will be having a girl in 2 weeks-ish time and I know she won't like her name either - whatever it may be - but she will in the end.

ilovesprouts · 05/04/2010 21:01

hi wats the name ??

Original poster

KatiePul · 05/04/2010 21:04

It's Fox.

OP posts:

choosyfloosy · 05/04/2010 21:04

i'm afraid the only way round this is not to tell anyone the name until the baby is born (sorry, bit late) - I know my mum disliked my son's name by the silence and widening eyes but it was too late for her to comment and she never has, except unguardedly once to say she likes it 'now'

Just say you're not talking about it any more, and stick to the name you like. Unless you've chosen Praise-God Barebones or something, things have really changed WRT names these days, it's no longer a case of having 5 x Martin and 8 x Claire in the classroom thank goodness.

CantSleepWontSleep · 05/04/2010 21:05

You shouldn't have told her!

But you need to choose a name that you are happy with - did you have any doubts at all before she started interfering?

And yes, what is it?

paisleyleaf · 05/04/2010 21:09

I can't see her problem. I can't imagine Fox being particularly a target for bullying. (Robin isn't).
I quite like it.

thisisyesterday · 05/04/2010 21:10

my mum HATED the name I had in mind for my second child, should he have been a girl. thankfully (for her!) he wasn't.

however, when i then fell pregnant with a third child she said "you know, that name has grown on me actually, I think it could be alright"

your mother will LOVE your son, regardless of his name. and his name and him will intertwine and the name will BE him and she will come to like that too.

you can't let her dictate to you what he is called.

BitOfFun · 05/04/2010 21:13

For Fox Sake!

Admittedly, it is a tricky name.

GladioliBuckets · 05/04/2010 21:14

Firstly, Fox is cool! It's not like Oberon or Lindsay for a boy.

My mum is usually horrible about whatever names her (8) grandchildren have been called until they are actually born and named and then she either stops harping on or obligingly does a complete 180. Screw 'em.

Yes it does sting when you're pg and one would hope one's mum to be more supportive and understanding but hey, that's why we have kids, to take it out on them show our parents how we think they should have done it.

GladioliBuckets · 05/04/2010 21:17

BTW We had a name on our girl shortlist for DS2 that was practically designed to piss off my mum and yet was actually a variation of her own name so looked like a tribute. It was v empowering to have in my arsenal. She hates his name too but that wasn't on purpose, it was simply the only boys' name DH & I could agree on.

nooka · 06/04/2010 04:43

Well I think that if you started a thread asking what people think of the name "Fox" you would get a majority of people saying similar things to your mum. And most of them would think that they were doing your baby a favour by trying to persuade you to think again.

Having said that I really think that telling anyone the name you wish to call your child before they are born is very unwise, because people do have quite strong opinions on names and they may well tell you what they think and you may find that upsetting (although I know some people value the frank opinions they get here especially when choosing a very unusual name, because although once the baby is born you are less likely to get such a strong reaction to your face, it may well still be what people think).

I am sure your mother will love her grandson, but it is quite possible she will go on finding his name very difficult. As to whether that should concern you, well that's up to you. Personally I think the only people who should be involved in naming children are their parents.

thumbchick · 06/04/2010 04:58

If she continues to dislike the name AND allows that to affect how she views her DGS, then that says a lot more about her as a person than the name itself.

I would never deliberately give a DC a name that our parents hated with good reason (Anita, for e.g. would be a big no no - my Dad's 1st fiancée who jilted him).

Apart from that I wouldn't be too bothered - lots of names are like popular music, they go through fashions and phases, parents don't always follow these.

Intergalactic · 06/04/2010 06:18

My son has an unusual name. We didn't tell anyone before he was born. I'm sure if we had, some people would have made their dislike of it very clear. As it is, the majority (including my parents) like it now - MIL is still quite open about worrying he'll get bullied etc but after a few weeks she started using it and stopped calling him 'Baby'. I am very happy with his name and glad we used it.

Tell her you're considering other names, then use it anyway!

Bucharest · 06/04/2010 07:10

Is it an "awkward" name? Yup.
Do you have the right to use it if you like it? Absolutely.
Does your mother have the right to make you feel shit about it? No way.

SE13Mummy · 06/04/2010 12:05

Thank her for her input and say that you imagine that whatever name your son is given she will love him because he's her grandson. Tell her you'll be sticking to the name you love and that whatever name a child is given they are likely to be gently teased at some point e.g. Alice Balice, Hatey Katie, Chris Piss etc. etc.

dizzydixies · 06/04/2010 12:09

my mum didn't like any of the names we chose and they were all 'normal' family names

you can't please everyone and frankly shouldn't have to - the only person you should be thinking about regards to choosing the name is the baby and how he will cope with his unusual name throughout life

you made the FATAL MISTAKE of telling her before baby is born but its done now so I would suggest coming up with some really outlandish suggestions so she'll come round to Fox in the end

if you let her bully you now with this decision you may as well give in with the rest of his upbringing now

muddleduck · 06/04/2010 12:11

In general, what do you think of your mother's opinions?

If she is a drama queen who regularly criticises everything you do, then ignore her.

If she rarely makes a fuss about anything then perhaps it is worth listening to her?

CuppaTeaJanice · 06/04/2010 13:17

Has your mother made any alternative suggestions or just made negative comments about Fox?

If you hate the names she comes up with, you obviously have very different tastes and so should ignore her opinion.

pixiestix · 06/04/2010 13:54

I was called "the baby" for about six weeks as my Grandmother hated my name so much, but she totally came around and now tells her friends how lovely it is

Stick with the name you love - everyone else will come around in the end.

DastardlyandSmugly · 06/04/2010 14:14

We didn't tell anyone what we were going to call DS until after he was born as, like you, we had lots of negative comments about a previous name we had considered.

We had lots of silences on the phone when we told people his name and we even had DH's dad call us back later and say 'You can't call him xxx - what if he wants to be prime minister?'

Anyway now everybody loves his name, including us and my DS himself. He suits it so much.

Marjoriew · 06/04/2010 14:29

My now deceased/exMIL was always in my face about naming my children.
She thought we should name our children after other members of the family. I didn't agree. She didn't like the names she said. Tough shit, I said. They're my kids, not yours.
After that, she would introduced me to her friends as 'my son's wife' instead of 'my daughter-in-law.'

mamamaisie · 06/04/2010 14:59

Well I have never liked the name my mother chose for me so I will not listen to anything she has to say about baby names!

Marjoriew · 06/04/2010 15:09

When I went into care in 1948 I had no name. The nuns named me. It wasn't until many years later that I found out what my real name was.
Played havoc with filling in forms

mathanxiety · 07/04/2010 00:24

KatiePul, It is really, really hard to 'deal with bullying appropriately', as you yourself are experiencing with your mum. Why do you think you will be able to do this when your child's really unusual name makes him the target of children with nothing better to do with their time than pick on others?

Casmama · 07/04/2010 00:35

You need to tell your mother "you have made your opinion quite clear and I have heard it thankyou. This is our decision and we have made it so any further comments you make are just hurtful so please stop."

I think you were wise not to start a thread asking peoples opinions on the name though. Perhaps you could give him a more traditional middle name in case he is not keen on Fox when he is older.

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