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Baby names

Find baby name inspiration and advice on the Mumsnet Baby Names forum.

Original poster

should we use his family names?

37 replies

TeaBaggy · 06/03/2010 20:34

ok this is a little confusing so please bear with me...my partner and i have been together for 5 years and have decided to start trying...yay! (not the issue)

my partner is david john
his dad is david john (but everyone calls him john)
his grandad is john david
his great grandad is john david/david john...not sure which but you get the idea

my partner wants to keep his family tradition and use these names

i really dont like john (or johnny etc)and i think david as a first name would be too confusing (same initials as they grow older etc)

everytime we start talking about baby names we end up going in circles!

all help/advice appreciated!

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janeiteisFedUp · 06/03/2010 20:36

God no. How boring to all have the same names. I would personally offer to use one of them as a middle name but do something else entirely for the first name.

Beasknees · 06/03/2010 20:40

move away from the names. let someone else in the family follow the tradition.

my sis had same argument with her fella who wanted to call baby john after both fathers and his brother..... luckily she was a girl but my sister had resolved to say ' oh isn't vincent gorgeous' when the baby was born.

Original poster
TeaBaggy · 06/03/2010 20:44

how do i convince dp? he is the only boy so if he doesnt carry the name on no-one will

OP posts:
janeiteisFedUp · 06/03/2010 20:54

David as middle name would please his dad and would give the child a choice of using it or not later - just choose a brilliant first name, so child will love it best! Not that I object to David - I think it's up for a revival actually.

IlooklikeGrotbagstoday · 06/03/2010 20:59

Why not use both as middle names?

mathanxiety · 06/03/2010 21:18

Are there any versions of David or John in another language that you prefer?

houseworkhater · 06/03/2010 23:33

Are you a member of the English royal family? If not then do not do it, it sounds sooooo, soooooo silly.
Pick the one you like best and use it (along with your dad's name if you like) as a middle names and then tell your dp what names you want.
Turn it round by asking your dp how he would feel if you insisted on calling the baby exactly the same name as your dad.

maryz · 06/03/2010 23:37

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

seeker · 06/03/2010 23:38

just call the baby X David John, and use x as his name. Sorted.

Italiangreyhound · 07/03/2010 01:11

TeaBaggy I don't see you are obliged to carry on a tradition you did not agree to start! I agree with the general theme of using one or both names as middle names, with or without your dad's name, though possibly not three middle names!

Good luck, if it comes up as 'who will carry on the name?' just remember that you are providing a grandchild and that is fab!

BitOfFun · 07/03/2010 01:21

Totally agree that the way to go is a first name which is unique to him, but pay tribute to the family tradition by using John David as middle names.

ravenAK · 07/03/2010 01:25

Choose a name, & call him Name David John. Or Name John David, whichever goes best.

Or can you check out the family history & see if there are any names you do like (younger sons?), which would satisfy the tradition thing?

My FIL offered me a choice of Reginald or Aubrey as family names

Managed to evade Reginald by pleading a deeply unpleasant Uncle Reg, but Aubrey was looking to be a middle name until dh & I did a bit of digging & found the family tree was full of Williams. Phew.

Casmama · 07/03/2010 01:50

Time to break the cycle. There are so many great names out there, does each child not deserve to be an individual in their own right and have a name that is just their own rather than linking them to someone in the past? I think you really need to put you foot down now so that this does not come up if you do conceive. I would try and find out if this is actually really important to your partner or if he is just trying to do what is expected of him by his family.

5DollarShake · 07/03/2010 10:02

I'm a big one for family names, BUT I draw the line at the same name as an immediate parent.

Just no. Your little one deserves his own identity and to have the same first AND middle names (albeit even the other way round) is just miserable, as far as I am concerned.

Own first name and then David/John as middle names, as others have said.

diddl · 07/03/2010 10:56

OMG noooooooooooooo!!

At a push David or John as a middle name.
Although I wouldn´t as I don´t like either name.

Our son has the same middle name as his father & grandfather-but only because we were both OK with it.

randomimposter · 07/03/2010 11:17

here's hoping you have a long line of DDsssss

diznom · 07/03/2010 12:03

I know how you feel, I'm in exactly the same situation. I know I'm going to end up giving in to keep the peace.
The first son in the family has always been named after the father. My husband wants to use his name but for it to be shortened to the name his father was known as, his father died 5 years ago and it is very, very important to him. I also want my child to have his own identity and not be constantly compared to father/grandfather, especially as we live in a very small community and his family are very well known. I feel as if I am just expected to do as I'm told.
The only thing is it's quite a nice name and the only other name I really like is that of my own grandfather so not really fair if it all goes my way either.
Sorry not much help but good to know someone else is in the same boat.

diddl · 07/03/2010 12:09

I would also say it depends on the name & if you can find a nn you like if there are more than one living at the same time.
I don´t like my husbands name my fathers name or my FIls name, so our son was never going to be named after any of them.

I also think it´s quite "naff" to keep giving first sons the same name.
Always makes me think you can´t be bothered to think of a name yourself.

yellowcircle · 07/03/2010 12:43

If you don't like the names, you shouldn't be persuaded to use them.

Personally, I'd choose a first name that you both like and then use either David or John as a middle name. Probably David as that is your partner's first name.

You and your partner come from different families - probably both of you will want to continue certain traditions from your original families, but there is compromise involved. In this case, David as a middle name is a fair compromise. (Because presumably the "tradition" in your family is for the mother and father of the baby to choose a name they both like!!)

yellowcircle · 07/03/2010 12:44

Oh and by using David as a middle name for DS1, you could save John as a middle name for DS2.

What does your partner say to having a 2nd son, but having already used David and John on the first son? Because it would be silly to have siblings David John and John David.

ChippingIn · 07/03/2010 13:14

Another vote for choosing your own name and either one or both for the middle name(s).

I don't understand the whole 'using the same names' tradition as presumably that's why having the same surname is handy!! But, coming from a family that do this, I understand the heartache when it's then dropped... but I'd put it in as a middle name.

ChoreDodgersOnHerBreak · 07/03/2010 13:26

Tell him your family tradition is to choose a name you like.

my x was the third 'blah' and I was briefly put under pressure to have a fourth blah. But I just said I didn't like that name and didn't think it was a good idea to continue a name. The sur name is continued, their sur name!! not mine!

Clary · 07/03/2010 13:48

I agree with those who say break the tradition.

It's just confusing and can lead to a child being saddled with out of date sounding names (tho actually I know a John and a David, both 5).

My father and his father etc etc were all called two of the same 3 names. I think my parents found them hideously old-fashioned 40 yrs ago so went for something else altogether with my brother. I never heard of any comeback.

We used my dad's name for DS1's middle name so it's come back now...

hormonalmum · 07/03/2010 13:58

I am presuming that your child will have your parnters surname (but maybe wrong)
Why should your child have all the names from your partners side???? What is wrong with names from your side.
I may have ONE of the names as a middle name but do not be bullied into it.

Our children have dh's surname and a family name from my side as a first or middle name.

MintyMoo · 07/03/2010 16:48

If he insists on calling the child David John/John David then insist equally that they will take your surname. See how he likes that. (only do that if you think he won't, else you may be screwed lol).

Otherwise put your foot down and insist you both choose a name that you both like. Compromise with using David or John (or even both) as a middle name/s. It's not fair for him to expect you to have no choice in naming your child. You both made the baby, you're both raising the baby so you both get equal choice in naming the baby. Pick a girl's name you know he doesn't like and ask him how he would feel if you said that that would be your DDs name and he had no choice.