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Baby names

Find baby name inspiration and advice on the Mumsnet Baby Names forum.

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Original poster

That's MY baby name!

37 replies

missytequila · 10/02/2010 17:02

I am having so much trouble picking a name for my little girl. Everyone seems to ask me about the name and I am open to all suggestions and help. Hubby and I cant agree...

Now that I have asked 2 of my girlfriends for help with my short list they replied by saying "That's my baby name, I will be devastated if you use it!"

Its so unfair, now I am turned into a bad friend for unknowingly 'stealing' their name when neither of them are even pregnant.

What is the best way to handle this? what would you do?

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

FimBOW · 10/02/2010 17:06

I would ignore them and go with the name you want. It could be years before either of them get pregnant. Or you the friendship may end and you will always think you should have gone with your first choice for your child.

My sil "stole" the name I wanted for my dd, 9 months before I had dd, but she didn't know and still doesn't!

For the future tell no-one any name suggestions even your mother, although you can and should spill on here of course!

Good luck.

MaggieTaSeFuar · 10/02/2010 17:07

Is it in the top 30?? If so, I think this happens all the time. Friends of a similar age of a similar background all find the same names appealing. They can't help it.

Lots of people in America, all independently of each other, "invented" the name Zayden.

I think if you pick a name like Zelda, Dulcie or Beryl and your friend copies you, you have every right to be pissed off.

If you really like the name though, and you are certain you didn't copy the name, then stick to your guns. You didn't steal the name. You both independently of each other chose the same name.

You have to tell us the name though!!

JeremyVile · 10/02/2010 17:08

They are being ridiculous. Tell them that for a start. But as you have a shortlist, maybe just discount that particular name rather than have to deal with your friends histrionics?

BitOfFun · 10/02/2010 17:10

They haven't got dibs on a name, but for the sake of peace I would choose another and DON'T TELL ANYONE!

LowLevelWhingeing · 10/02/2010 17:11

Don't tell anyone what names you're considering because a. they can't poo poo them and b. they can't bagsy.

Choose your favourite name whatever anyone says.

Once baby is named then everyone just has to be nice about it!

Original poster

missytequila · 10/02/2010 17:23

I will be friends with them forever, as both are like sisters to me and I suppose i have to find another name...but i resent that. I had no idea that was a name they were thinking of...

I guess being a first timer, I have learned the hard way not to tell anyone my 'choices'...

boo hoo, this naming game just keeps getting harder!

OP posts:

diddl · 10/02/2010 17:28

What names do they want?

Original poster

missytequila · 10/02/2010 17:29

By the way,

One of them 'claimed' Vivienne as her name

the other 'claimed' Sahara...

I don't want to fight with them, but honestly who knows when they will get pregnant and what if they only have boys!

Anyway go ahead someone else use these names please, since i can't.

OP posts:

CantSleepWontSleep · 10/02/2010 17:34

So what will these 2 do if they both want the same name as each other? Ask them that. If they say 'well we'll both use it' then no problem, you can too. If they say 'whichever of us gets pregnant first will use it' then no problem, you are the first pregnant so it's yours. If they say 'well neither of us will use it as it wouldn't be fair on the other' then you can use it as they weren't going to anyway!

fwiw, dh and I were set on both a boy's name and a girl's name for years, but then used neither for our dd or ds (although ds has the boy's one as his middle name).

Pollyanna · 10/02/2010 17:34

my sil did this when i was pregnant with my first and she wasn't at all pregnant - she told me Alice was their name and I wasn't allowed to use it!

I didn't make a thing of it, and anyway had a boy! When she did eventually have a girl she didn't use the name anyway.

I find it is safer not to discuss names with anyone and just hope they don't use a name I really love when they name their dcs.

CantSleepWontSleep · 10/02/2010 17:35

Oh I see, they want diff names not the same one. I think you are better off without either tbh .

SpeedyGonzalez · 10/02/2010 17:36

missytequila, presumably your friends haven't made up 'their' baby names specially for their children? They 'stole' them from someone else - how else would they have heard of the name in the first place?

This is such utter rot, it really gets up my nose when people try to 'own' a name like this. Nobody's name is unique.

If I were you I'd go back and tell them that much as they love the names, you were very upset that they tried to prevent you from using a name that you adored just because they adored it too. You could lie...! And say that it's in your DP's family line. Or just be honest and say that you love the name and it's clearly a sign of what good taste you all have that you've chosen the same name.

I honestly think that if someone stopped speaking to you because you chose the same name as they did, that would make them pretty childish and manipulative and not worth the effort of keeping the friendship. I know that doesn't help, but it's such a pathetic FannyAnnie attitude to take about a name.

Oh, by the way, I love 'Vivienne' - that's the only way to spell it, too .

WeddingDaze · 10/02/2010 17:38

Perhaps pointing out that you are in a better position to them for claiming a name, you like the names now as do they, who knows if they'll even like the names still when they are due to pop!

Have you pointed out to them that they are being ever so very slightly ridiculus?

OtterInaSkoda · 10/02/2010 17:50

They are being ridiculous. Tell them to fuck off that no one can bagsy names. And besides even if all three of you had dds with the exact same name, would it really matter?

SpeedyGonzalez · 10/02/2010 17:50

Gasp! Just realised your friends aren't even bloody pregnant!! So they might end up having 6 boys each!

Give 'em what for, Missy!

LittleWhiteWolf · 10/02/2010 17:52

My mother in law stole our baby name. Granted this was way before we started planning a family, but when SIL was pg we said we loved Chloe for a girl and Jack for a boy and those were the names we wanted for our future kids. SIL has boy named something else, all fine. Then when DNephew is 2 months old MIL decides babies are so cute that she just had to have another one and we hear she's going to pick Jack for a boy or Chloe for a girl. I was really upset at the time, I felt that if she'd spoken to me about it I would have been ok, but she ignored everyone reminding her that we really liked those names.
ANyway, she has a son called Jack and I got off my high horse and couldnt care less now. Jack is a gorgeous name, but if we have a son we have an even better name picked out that no-one will steal! That being said, DH still loves the name Chloe, although our DD is something else because I went right off it after name-gate!

Wow, long ramble, sorry. Anyway, we had a huge list for boys and girls names, but kept our favourites a secret. When DD was born everyone asked is she a, b or c and we said d, which was a nice surprise for everyone

Blanchet · 10/02/2010 18:08

You might have to fight Angelina for those two!

But no, seriously, I wouldn't worry. They might never have a girl, or if they do, their other half might absolutely forbid their preferred name. Or their tastes might change; they'll hear something new they like. etc. It would be different if they were pregnant and had already decided on the name (with their husband/partner) for definite, but that's not the case.

bellissima · 10/02/2010 18:35

There were three Nicolas, three Gillians and three Sarahs in my year at school. Gosh their mothers must have all stolen each others' names! Or rather, chosen names that were popular at the time. Don't worry about it. By the time they have (girl) babies there will be another batch of fashionable names.

Ziggurat · 10/02/2010 19:42

I don't get it though - why do they get the name, and not you? Are they more important than you? No!

I don't understand why you're the one who has to give the names up, especially considering you're pregnant and they're not!!

They're being completely and utterly unreasonable. Fact.

I love the name Vivienne, for the record.

LetThereBeRock · 10/02/2010 20:18

I'd ignore them and use it. No one owns and therefore no one is able to 'steal' a name.

JJ6 · 10/02/2010 20:22

How old are you and your friends??

LadyCressida · 10/02/2010 20:40

If they were pregnant it might be different, or if they'd said first 'so long as you don't pick xxx' then it would be more understandable, but seeing as you showed them a list that you made independently, you're not stealing theirs.

Like you say - they may never have a daugher anyway. Or they might totally go off it in a couple of years! Also, are they married yet because it might be the surname they end up with doesn't go at all with the name (I had to give up my absolute fave name from when I was younger) because it doesn't match my married name.

The only person I prob wouldn't mess with is my sister - in fact we each picked 5 names when we were about 10 years old, that the other person wasn't allowed to use, and I still wouldn't dare stray onto her list!!

Anyone else though, I think is fair game - you're having your baby first so it's your right to pick first!

Original poster

missytequila · 10/02/2010 21:29

Yes they are married, but still, I came to the names on my own and yes I have already said to my one friend "well great minds think alike'

And they are good friends, not completely immature and yes I think they would get over it..

But still the name game is so annoying! Other names I have mentioned to my mother or friends and they say 'eeeew I HATE that name'....

Oh well, have 10 weeks left, and the great name debate continues!

OP posts:

Original poster

missytequila · 10/02/2010 21:33

Yes they are married, but still, I came to the names on my own and yes I have already said to my one friend "well great minds think alike'

And they are good friends, not completely immature and yes I think they would get over it..

But still the name game is so annoying! Other names I have mentioned to my mother or friends and they say 'eeeew I HATE that name'....

Oh well, have 9 weeks left, and the great name debate continues!

I think will just start telling everyone we are thinking Lily, even though we are not at all.

OP posts:

Italiangreyhound · 10/02/2010 22:01

missytequila It's a free country, you are about to produce a baby, which is no mean feat! You and your dh can choose to call it whatever you like. You are not stealing anything from anyone and your friends should understand that. If I were you, I would just say you have not decided yet for sure, and you don't know the sex (if you don't) and that when it is born you will just see what name the baby looks like. Then when you have brought this miraculous new life into this world you and dh can choose what to call it and no one should be able to say any complaints at all. Please do tell us what you do!

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