Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Baby names

Find baby name inspiration and advice on the Mumsnet Baby Names forum.

Flip

1 2

Original poster

FIL insists on calling my (unborn) baby the name he wants...

29 replies

heylottie · 02/06/2009 10:50

Hmmm. Not sure there is really anything I can do about this.

Am 21 weeks pregnant - this will be FIL's first grandchild, so understandably he is excited. We don't know the sex, and we are keeping the possible names to ourselves.

But right from the start my FIL has referred to my baby as 'Olivia'. At first I laughed it off as he kept saying he has always wanted a granddaughter called Olivia.

But now every bit of news is greeted with 'and how is Olivia today?' or 'Was Olivia lively at the scan.'

It's starting to really get on my tits. I have said that Olivia is not on our list (it is the name of my nemesis) but that doesn't stop him.

Has anyone else had a relative who has insisted on using one name... and must I have a boy in order for this torture to stop????

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

ninedragons · 02/06/2009 10:52

I think your DH needs to take him aside and tell him gently but firmly to stop.

Horton · 02/06/2009 10:54

If I were you, I'd probably say 'Actually, we've picked Mavis' or something equally unlikely and unlike Olivia. My PILs were very vocal in their desire for a 'nice normal name' so we told them we were calling the baby Moonbeam (untrue) and they stopped mentioning names at all. Which suited us down to the ground.

duchesse · 02/06/2009 11:06

Well, he's going to be very disappointed then. Just consider it as his pet bump name and think no more of it! Very many congratulations by the way.

BlackEyedDogstar · 02/06/2009 12:53

I am 22 weeks and my mother keeps asking after 'Gwyneth'. I told her I'd chosen 'Elf' as a name and she got worse! Is beginning to truly irritate me but everyone else finds it funny. ffs.

no help though sorry

CherryChoc · 02/06/2009 13:03

I think every time you see him you should start casually referring to the baby with a different name, ie one week "Ouch, Fred just kicked me in the ribs!" then the next week "What colour do you think we should paint Annabel's room?" etc etc... that ought to confuse everybody!

madwomanintheattic · 02/06/2009 13:09

my dad called pfb 'fergus'.
she's 9 now. he doesn't do it any more.
i think they just like to pick a name to talk about how it's going - once you actually do show them your newborn and introduce them properly, they do actually stop using the pet name, honestly.
they just call them 'princess' or 'champ' or something equally daft instead.

WinkyWinkola · 02/06/2009 13:14

He's always wanted a grandchild called Olivia? That in itself is odd. How specific and controlling over somebody else's child.

Next time he asks how she was at the scan, simply say, "Who? Oh, the baby. I didn't know who you meant because our baby's not called Olivia. DH and I have yet to decide what name we'd like,"

Be calm and in effect tell the busybody to stop being so silly. Fancy trying to name someone else's child.

Original poster

heylottie · 02/06/2009 14:38

All good suggestions! Luckily we don't live close by so may just avoid him for a few weeks til I simmer down...

S'funny, I never thought about how PERSONAL you take choosing the name for your baby - but just the very idea of someone else giving baby a name makes me grrrrr!

More cake I think...

OP posts:

ChocolateRabbit · 02/06/2009 14:47

Or, you could say 'I don't know actually, I haven't seen Olivia for years - I guess I could see if she's up to anything on Facebook..'

'Was Olivia lively at the scan' - Well I wouldn't know as we're not exactly on those terms...

Basically refuse to acknowledge any references to your baby as Olivia.

stringbean · 02/06/2009 20:25

Presumably, the baby will have your dp's and therefore your FIL's surname? If so, he should be content with that, and leave it to you and your dp to choose the first name(s).

MaggieBee · 02/06/2009 20:28

My xmil did this to me and it was incredibly annoying! she kept 'suggesting' James. The name of her late husband (not my x's Father). You can imagine how that would have gone down. She didn't just suggest it once. She suggested it quite forcibly about 20 times. When I (stupidly) told her the names I was thinking of, she said "oh but you have to think of the child".

No words of wisdom. But yes, it's very annoying!!

lotspot · 02/06/2009 20:44

I understand it must be VERY annoying but try to remember he's not meaning to be annoying he's just excited - and remind yourself it's nice he cares rather than showing no interest at all!!

I bet once s/he arrives he'll forget all about this fictional olivia and be completely besoted with his beautiful grandchild

Avoiding the conversation might be a good idea foe your sanity lol

barnsleybelle · 02/06/2009 20:57

lottie... my mum did the same. We mentioned very early in my pregnancy that we liked the name charlie for a boy. We quickly changed her mind to a name she hated. She called him Charlie all the way through the pregnancy, even saying that she would never use the name we picked. I just laughed it off and the minute he was born she called him by the name we chose!!

JemL · 02/06/2009 21:15

My stepdad called DS "Matilda" the whole way through, in fact half way he changed it to "Tilly". In his case, he WAS trying to annoy me, and I could have kicked myself for mentioning it was a name I like.

Happily, we secretly discovered we were having a boy at the scan, so it became much easier to smile beatifically and ignore him after that.

slushy06 · 03/06/2009 13:12

I would keep quiet and DON'T tel him any names you like as you can guarantee he will know some one who went to prison with that name or he thinks the chlld will get picked on. But he might still disapprove after birth so be ready with a reason you don't like it. My mil kept trying to force names like chris or kim not that I mind the names so I said its a bit common just to shut her up.

gagarin · 03/06/2009 13:24

I think that just as parents are excited to be expecting their first baby and may well have dreamt about having dcs for many years (in some cases from when they were dcs themselves!)the same is true for grandparents.

And just as first time parents make mistakes so do first time grandparents.

I don't think it's controlling behaviour. It's just over-excitement and an attempt to "connect" with the idea of a future grandchild.

TBH you have two options - ignore it OR confront it and explain in words of one syllable that you are upset. That him calling your bump Olivia is upsetting. That you never want to hear the name Olivia again. And if he does it again just calmly say "please don't do that" EVERY TIME he uses that name.

Tortington · 03/06/2009 13:27

i'd call him by a name that isn't his given name - and when asked why reply " well, i thought that i would call you a name i liked, rather than one your parents gave you"

jumpingbeans · 03/06/2009 13:30

You are not going to like this one little bit, but dh refered to ist unborn dgd as pickle, and yes 12 years on and she's still his pickle, she even signs his birthday card "pickle"

barnsleybelle · 03/06/2009 15:05

awww, jumpin that's very sweet.

simplesusan · 03/06/2009 23:36

Is he slightly deranged?

Don't have much advice, hopefully he will call your baby by their "real" name when they are born.

Tidey · 03/06/2009 23:41

DP's grandma called DD 'Katie' all through my pregnancy, 'how's our Katie today' etc. I actually felt rather guilty because we had no intention of calling her that. She soon got used to the name we gave her though.

Just flatly say, 'We're not calling her that', everytime he says it. Hopefully the idea will get through in the end.

daisy5 · 05/06/2009 10:26

Yes, I imagine he's secretly hoping the name will grow on you as he uses it more.

Be gentle with him, but yes, you might want to mention that Olivia isn't on your shortlist, so he doesn't get his hopes up. It might be handy to find an alternate 'nickname' if he wants to personalise the baby i.e. bumpette, petal, bouncer....anything that isn't actually going to be her name.

minouminou · 05/06/2009 14:48

DP's bestest childhood chum LOATHED DS' name with an unholy passion, and insisted on calling him "The Stig" until he was around a year old.
Funny thing was, I ddin't mind so much, as we were contemplating Stig as a middle name, and I think my seeming unflappable-ness made him stop eventually.
Just think, only a few weeks to go, and when she's here and you've got that birth certificate, your FIL's silliness (which is what it is) will just fade away.

Tigresswoods · 11/06/2009 08:14

I know this isn't the point of the thread but I think given the context of nicknames shared it is worth mentioning. I know a couple through someone else who nicknamed their bump "Peanut"

The child is now 2 and still referred to as "The Nut" even though he has a brilliant name.

That's posh people for you though.

SarahL2 · 11/06/2009 08:38

My parents in law insisted on suggesting the name Vincent every time we saw them from the moment we knew we were having a boy.

Both me an DH hate the name Vincent. We don't even like any of the NN's that would go with it - Vinny, Vin etc and told PIL's this every time they mentioned it for a while! Didn't stop them

You just have to ignore him. In the end I decided that if they could ignore us saying we didn't like the name then we could ignore them using it so I stopped responding whenever they mentioned it.

About 2 weeks before the birth they changed thier mind to Ethan which was an improvement at least! Still didn't make it onto our shortlist.

As it is we named him something we had chosen ourselves and when DS was about 2 weeks old FIL announced that he loved the name we'd chosen!! Grrrr!

Flip

1 2