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Original poster

SIL nicked my baby name!

32 replies

plantsitter · 14/09/2008 21:22

I am 20 weeks pregnant. SIL gave birth to a daughter yesterday and has announced the name as the one that was at the top of my list for a girl!

I am being absolutely unreasonable in minding and didn't put this in AIBU because we had never even discussed it so she is utterly without fault but I find myself strangely gutted. I don't even know what sex my baby is yet so I really am being ridiculous, but does anyone kind of know what I mean?

Do you think it's just a pregnant strop and I'll be able to behave like a rational, reasonable adult when I meet niece in law?!

OP posts:
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notnowbernard · 14/09/2008 21:23

Of course you will

Congratulations on your pg and the birth of your niece

sleepycat · 14/09/2008 21:23

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

SammyK · 14/09/2008 21:27

Can understand you feeling a bit dejected, but I am sure when you meet little neice you will then associate this name with her, and it will no longer bother you.

Is sil didn't know it was a name you liked, and you n't even know the sex of your baby I don't think there is anything to get upset or resentful about longterm.

Original poster
plantsitter · 14/09/2008 21:36

You are right, of course, SammyK. Usually I would shrug and say 'oh well' but this pregnancy lark seems to be turning me into a slobbering, resentful harridan. Sigh.

OP posts:
swampster · 14/09/2008 21:36

Hi plantsitter, shouldn't you be over here with us? Or are you due in January?

Do you know for sure you are having a girl? Sorry about the name - I bet when you actually hold your baby you'll realise the name was all wrong for her anyway.

SammyK · 14/09/2008 21:36

tis those hormones {pats shoulder sympathetically}

ethanchristopher · 14/09/2008 21:39

congratulations on your son in law giving birth :D

lol, but in all seriousness there are loads of beautiful girls names and at least you will be able to say it lots when you see your neice

blithedance · 14/09/2008 22:20

Completely undertandable reaction. I had my heart set on Ellen, after my grandma, SIL got there first, as it turned out I never got to have a little girl to worry about. Actually my gran hated Ellen and was always known as Joan, but that's not so fashionable.

Nothing to stop you using it for a middle name. My dad's middle name is his younger brother's first name .

Suggest you tell your SIL and say she owes you a bottle of wine (after due date of course).

moondog · 14/09/2008 22:21

Get a grip for Christ's sake.

beanieb · 14/09/2008 22:22

if she used it knowing it was top of your list, then that's rude and lacking in any kind of tact.

If she didn't know then I think you are being Unreasonable.

TheNaughtiestGirlIsaMonitor · 14/09/2008 22:23

It probably means the name was a bit more popular than you thought, especially in your circles!

We will help you find a new and better name!

Overmydeadbody · 14/09/2008 22:23

Well, your SIL obviously has good taste in names then!

You're only 20 wks pregnant, you'll get over it. Chances are you would have changed your mind and found another name by the time of the birth anywy.

moondog · 14/09/2008 22:23

You don't own names just because you like them.
They are there for anyone to use.

Original poster
plantsitter · 14/09/2008 22:24

Yeah I know Moondog, give us a break. Ta.

OP posts:
TheNaughtiestGirlIsaMonitor · 14/09/2008 22:34

Please tell us the name! We'll suggest one in a similar style, but just a bit further hidden around the fashion curve.

TheNaughtiestGirlIsaMonitor · 14/09/2008 22:35

Less 'now' that is to say. If two members of the one family independently select the same name, by chance, then the name must be a bit predictable??????

BEAUTlFUL · 14/09/2008 22:38

I'd be gutted too!

I hated the pg hormones. I'm vv hormonal anyway, and both pgs have turned me into a demon.

Agree with Swampster - as soon as you hold your lovely LO, you'll think of a name that's perfect, and will completely go off the one you like now.

Original poster
plantsitter · 14/09/2008 23:17

I don't want to say the name in case SIL reads this and realises what a nutter I am. Also I don't think it's absolutely official yet so I wouldn't want her to feel bad about naming her beautiful new daughter!

Think it is more popular than I thought and I am becoming less bothered about it now the beauty of these insane pregnant mood swngs is they wear off quickly!!

OP posts:
Original poster
plantsitter · 14/09/2008 23:17

(sorry about the horrible lack of punctuation in that last post!)

OP posts:
BEAUTlFUL · 14/09/2008 23:49

That's so true about how rapidly the moods change. When pg, I was forever happily in the kitchen ramming cake in my gob as DH would creep in, visibly terrified. "What's up with you?" I'd mumble, spraying crumbs.

"Don't you remember?" he'd whimper. "Five minutes ago you said you hated me and were filing for divorce with immediate effect."

I'd hardly remember!

colacubes · 14/09/2008 23:56

I would be a little pissed, but you got a few weeks to go, probably would have changed your mind anyway. And yes you will be lovely to her when you see her, it will pass, congrats on your pregnancy and your new neice.

lisad123 · 15/09/2008 00:02

it would be different if she knew, but she didnt. Find another one, you have a few months yet

thumbwitch · 15/09/2008 00:11

It is likely your hormones getting you worked up - do you and your SIL get on ok normally? Cos it will be much easier to overcome your feelings of disappointment if you do.

My mum always wanted to call her son David. I was born first (I am not called David she wasn't that mad!) and her 2nd preg was a boy who died a few hours after c-section at 6mo (bad deformity, incompatible with life). By the time she had my bro and sis (twins), my dad's bro had called his son David and so had my Dad's cousin on the Isle of Man. So she felt she couldn't use David again - having 3 male cousins all about the same age with the same name would have been too much!

I'm sure you'll come up with a new lovely favourite name and then it'll probably turn out to be a boy anyway and it won't matter !

ScottishMummy · 15/09/2008 00:19

no one has copyright on a particular name.anyway the real deal is a new baby

not tutting about name chosen.smile say nowt

congratulations on your pregnancy

TheNaughtiestGirlIsaMonitor · 15/09/2008 11:13

Plantsitter, start a new thread with a new name, and say "looking for something in the same style as x, but it doesn't go with our sur name".

I remember how I felt when my cousin called his dd Lydia just before I had my baby. That was my #2 name, and it would have been her middle name. I just could not believe it. I knew I couldn't use it. They would never have believed that I'd already selected the name on my own.

But in reality, even if names aren't in say, the top 30, I think similar people (people you mix with and are related to) are drawn to the same twenty or thirty names over and over again.

All my friends/sisters seemed to at least consider many of the same names I had considered! although none of these names are exactly popular eg, Eliza, Juliet, Annabel, Georgina, Beatrice, Eve, Lucinda, Clara, Flora, Eloise, Lydia, Rosie...... These same few names were cropping up on the lists of all of my 'circle'. Name statistics are issued in a MACRO perspective, but in our own micro world it can be a different story entirely.

Does this make sense, and make you feel better?