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Baby names

Find baby name inspiration and advice on the Mumsnet Baby Names forum.

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Original poster

What happens if...

33 replies

Fifi2406 · 20/04/2013 14:26

You and your partner have the total opposite taste in names ...say old granny chic/pretty names and ahem chavvy/ghetto made up names? Who really gets to decide and how did you pursued them? (force)

OP posts:

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MummyBurrows · 20/04/2013 14:31

Trust me once ur DP sees u push out ur baby u could call the baby Santa Claus if u wanted and he wouldn't argue lol!xx

squoosh · 20/04/2013 15:16

You should each make a list of say twenty names you like individually and then work from there. There's bound to be some common ground somewhere.

squoosh · 20/04/2013 15:17

I feel very strongly that a name should be agreed by both parents and that neither should force a name that the other hates.

KittenOfDoom · 20/04/2013 15:30

As someone who dislikes both old granny chic/ dog's pretty names and chavvy/ghetto made up names, I think your best bet is to look among the timeless classics as a starting point.

MummyBurrows · 20/04/2013 15:33

I think both parents should agree/like the name u pick for ur child but if ur tastes really are polar opposites and u can't agree on anything then I think it should be the mum who gets to choose. After all we're the ones who carried the baby and gave birth,we've done all the hard work so our choice,if need be,should win out.

Aim for a compromise,preferrably a more "sensible" name for the first name and a more out landish name for the middle name...or perhaps see if u could combine the names to make a whole new unique name u both love? Ur bound to agree on a name sooner or later,there are thousands to choose from!xx

mrspaddy · 20/04/2013 15:35

I am expecting our first and my DH wants me to call our after his father if it is a boy. I am more than happy to do that. It has been in the family for several generations. I would not have had it as my first choice. Patrick but I absolutely love Paddy. I think it is lovely my DH is so involved and I am really starting to like it now.
If it is a girl, I always liked Emily or Maeve. However, we are Catholic and tried for a baby for a long time so did a Novena for nine days to Our Lady / St. Gerard. Hence if I will have a girl I will call her Mary in honour of her. I recently asked DH did he want to use another name and he said he loves Mary. All in all it was a joint decision and we are very happy with both names.

rocketeer · 20/04/2013 15:38

Mrs Paddy, that's exactly why my mum is called Mary!

mrspaddy · 20/04/2013 17:26

Ah that is lovely rocketeer.. we have not told anyone in RL so that is so nice to hear. I don't know anyone who has same reason for name Mary. I never would have gone for it before getting pregnant but really feel it is special.

RemusLupinsBiggestGroupie · 20/04/2013 17:47

You have to find a compromise. I hate the idea that the woman should choose because she is the one who gives birth - I think it's a horribly selfish and anti-feminist idea tbh.

thermalsinapril · 20/04/2013 20:20

You could try making a list of more classic names to see if there are some you agree on?

pigletpower · 20/04/2013 23:50

What's a novena? Is it like Hail Marys or something?

KittenOfDoom · 21/04/2013 00:01

Novena

SavoyCabbage · 21/04/2013 00:02

You have to keep looking till you find a name you both like.

pigletpower · 21/04/2013 00:10

Gee thanks Kitten-you c**t. Makes a real change from the fucking 'let me google that for you'.

Maryz · 21/04/2013 00:30

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

KittenOfDoom · 21/04/2013 00:33

You're welcome, piglet

Radiator1234 · 21/04/2013 00:39

I agree with MummyBurrows!

nooka · 21/04/2013 05:48

I think you need to choose together, firstly because you will be parenting together (and although giving birth is obviously important it is the next 20 or so years that really matter), and secondly because I think names are too important to be left to one person's whim, I think the process of finding and testing names out together is important. Otherwise the child might end up with an extreme from either end of old/ghetto - there are some pretty awful old names as well as the terrible UniQue (or however it's written!) ones.

You could try using a name book and each separately pulling out all the names you both like and then cutting them down from there. I'm sure that there is a middle ground of names that you will both be very happy with.

Sunnysummer · 21/04/2013 05:57

We had this problem! In the end, we combed through family trees and also through names of historical people in his specialty field and more widely to see if we could find something with meaning (plus it helped me, as it helped the overall list be more classic and less... Ahem... trend-driven). In the end we are likely to go with a name that I like, but which is also from his family tree, so we both get some share of it

One lesson you can learn from my mistakes though... At the beginning I censored my crazier 'old fashioned' names, with the result that he instantly shot down my more reasonable suggestions. Next time I's keep more of my wildcards in there, so that my main list might be a bit more appealing!

pigletpower · 21/04/2013 10:30

Sorry.I just wanted to have a conversation with someone.Of course I could just Google the information but I thought it would be nice to ask someone something about their religion,you know,show an interest.

pigletpower · 21/04/2013 10:32

Oh my God! I self censored! I am really am an old fart now

NeoMaxiZoomDweebie · 21/04/2013 10:38

what nonsense MummyBurrows. For a start not all women "push" their baby out. And for another, no matter who has given birth both parties have a right to input towards the name.

OP it's about finding a happy medium. It took DH and I three weeks after DD was born and then we found one we both liked.

MummyBurrows · 21/04/2013 12:45

First of all,I'm aware not all women push their babies out but the majority do so ur just picking up on a non-point.

Secondly,I suggest u re-read my post. I didn't say dad shouldn't have any input,infact the first thing I said was i think both parents should agree/like the name u pick for your child!! But if they really can't agree "I think" (meaning in my opnion as its my thought!) The mums choice should win out if need be (in terms of first name,sorry,perhaps that point needed to be clarified for those that may think I meant the childs entire name).
At no point did I say the dad shouldn't have any input. Infact I then went on to suggest to aim for a compromise and to perhaps use both names (the bit where it says have a more sensible name for a first name and a more outlandish one for a middle name!) Or to try and combine both names into a unique name they both love....I also said they're bound to find a name they both like sooner or later as there are thousands to choose from....

So tell me neo which part of that is nonsense because as far as I can see the only "valid" point which is actually irrelevant uve made about what I've said is that not all women push their babies out,other than that all uve done is completely misread what I actually said,infact it looks to me like u didn't even bother to actually read any of what I said and just picked up on 2 lines,1 non-point and the other u misinterpreted by not reading my post properly :)

Unless u of course are referring to my very first post about naming the baby santa claus,because quite frankly if u didn't take that in jest then u need to get urself a sense of humour. It was clearly meant as a joke so if that's the one ur referring to as "nonsense" then its ur post that's nonsense,not mine,as mine was clearly a joke and not intended to be taken seriously lol! Hence my second post,intended to stop any people like urself thinking I was actually being serious...appears that may have backfired lol! Although in all fairness right after I gave birth to my DD I asked my DH which name we will call her and his actual response was -while crying his eyes out- "I don't care,she's a miracle,call her Santa or the Easter Bunny if u want,I'll love her anyway" (I obviously went with our first choice agreed name,not santa or easter bunny incase u were wondering)...

RemusLupinsBiggestGroupie · 21/04/2013 12:57

It's 'you' not 'u.' Your argument will have more weight if you don't write like a teenager. Other than that, your points this time make better sense than your previous one (which really did say that the woman should get the final choice and which I entirely disagree with).

MummyBurrows · 21/04/2013 14:00

Its hardly an arguement,I was simply clarifing what I said as neo either misinterpreted what I was or was referring to my first post,she doesn't say which,but I thought it was pretty obvious the santa claus one was a joke!
I said I think women should get the final choice if need be,not in general and in every baby naming process,it should of course be a joint decision.
I don't know about anyone else on here but I've never known any parents to not agree on at least one name or compromise for their child so its more a throw away comment than anything,but if it did seriously happen and come down to it then yes,I do think the mother should get to have her choice for the childs first name. Others may not agree and that's their right but would those same people say that if it came down to it the dad should get the final say on the childs first name? They wouldn't. Everyone knows and thinks it should be a joint decision and so do I,its the right thing to do.

I think it would take a pretty disfunctional couple to not be able to find a compromise or settle on at least one name out of the thousands of names in the world no matter how different their tastes are (and no I'm not saying the OP and her DP are a disfunctional couple,I've no doubt in my mind they will agree on at least 1 name or a compromise of some sort in the coming weeks or months just like every other couple having a baby).

If all else fails I'm assuming OP and her DP must like each others names so they could always name the baby after themselves depending on the sex if their names aren't unisex :)

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