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Baby names

Find baby name inspiration and advice on the Mumsnet Baby Names forum.

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Original poster

baby names - starting arguments with OH

44 replies

smerf2377 · 22/02/2012 14:52

Hey everyone, I need help. I have my heart set on a name for our daughter (due in 8 weeks) that my OH did support back when we thought we were having a boy. Now we know it's a girl he says he doesn't like it.

I want to call her Fern, he thinks it's a frumpy name and wants something 'pretty' like Elle or Elsie. I've spent hours looking through potential names and have found a few I like (I don't want one that ends in 'a' or 'ie/y') but none as much as Fern.

Has anyone had a similar experience? How did you deal with it and resolve the situation. I can't help feeling like: she get's his last name and I'm going through the agony of labour, surely I should get the final say

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

Blx2thelotofem · 22/02/2012 14:53

Do you want our honest opinions on the name Fern?

Original poster

smerf2377 · 22/02/2012 14:54

Not necessarily; I know it's not popular and a lot of people will probably say they don't like it. I want advice on how to deal with coming to an agreement on a name with other half

OP posts:

Blx2thelotofem · 22/02/2012 14:56

Can you both write a list of your Top 5 names and see if you can find at least one you both like?

Faverolles · 22/02/2012 14:57

I think both parents have to agree. If one name is strongly vetoed by one, both should find another they are both happy with.

AThingInYourLife · 22/02/2012 14:58

Why is she getting his surname?

Beamae · 22/02/2012 14:59

It's a gorgeous name!

fluffygal · 22/02/2012 15:01

It doesn't matter what we think of the name anyway, but if your OH is adamant and you can't guilt trip convince him into agreeing with you then I think Blx's idea of a both writing a list is a good one.

seeker · 22/02/2012 15:02

Why is she getting his last name?

nickelDorritt · 22/02/2012 15:04

my q is the same as seeker's - why is she getting his last name?

I wouldn't entertain that with his opinion on how you get to name the DC.
he won't let you choose a first name, tell him he can bob if he thinks he's going to choose the last name too

Original poster

smerf2377 · 22/02/2012 15:06

He wants our children to have his surname, I agreed to that a long time ago. He vetoed my wish for her to have the same 2 first initials that the women in my family have always had, I agreed to that. He wanted to know the sex of the baby, I gave in to that to make him happy. I feel like I'm at the end of my conciliatory rope :)

OP posts:

nickelDorritt · 22/02/2012 15:07

so you're basically just a vessel then

twooter · 22/02/2012 15:10

I think you're being unfair. I would hate to dislike the name of my dc, and if your dp does, then you need to find a compromise rather than win him round.

AThingInYourLife · 22/02/2012 15:29

I think it's time to put the surname issue back on the table.

Him wanting the children to have his name doesn't mean he gets that.

His name is no more important than yours.

Why did you give up a traditional naming tradition from your family at his insistence?

I would have made the use of his surname conditional on your family being recognised in that way. You still should.

Why do you let him push you around so much?

3boysgirlontheway · 22/02/2012 16:59

Well our baby girl is due in less than 2 weeks and I had my heart set on a name for quite a while, however, my husband actively disliked it. The last name she was getting wasn't really an issue, her first name is more important to me. We debated it over a long time, and well in the end we found a name we both liked. I would not like to call my DD a name my husband does not like, and equally I don't want to call her something I don't like. We did that old chestnut, compromised!

PopcornBiscuit · 22/02/2012 17:05

You need a name you're both happy with. I think you should go back to the drawing board :)

SparkySparrow · 22/02/2012 17:14

Basically I think what other people have said.

Start again and make a list of names you both like! If he really hates it that much then its not fair to guilt trip him into anything.
I would have hated it if dh had made me give ds a name I really didn't like. I would have not got used to it and would have resented dh for it!
I had my children's names picked out since I was 14. Dh didn't like either of them so we went back to the drawing board, eventually we found a name we both liked.
Compromise is the name of the game!

Doha · 22/02/2012 17:18

My names for DC3 both boy name and girl name my DH really disliked as did most of my family. So in the end we waited to see what "it " lookes like when born.
Her name which we picked minutes after she was born suits her to a T

nickelDorritt · 22/02/2012 17:19

ooh, sparky what were they?

SparkySparrow · 22/02/2012 17:20

As for the surname. If you have agreed that your baby gets his, and you don't mind this then there is no issue. If there is a issue then you need to tell him this and come to a agreement. Some one I know has given their ds both surnames and it works nicely.
I think everyone I know (apart from the above) has given their children the fathers name. Either because they felt it was traditional, are intending on getting married on day, or are married.

IMO the surname is no where near as important as first name.

SparkySparrow · 22/02/2012 17:22

Jasmine for a girl
Bradley which incidently I don't like any more for a boy

Ended up with a boy,gave up Bradley fairly easily, but I fought hard for Jasmine before we found out but dh hates it :(

nickelDorritt · 22/02/2012 17:27

aw, I like Jasmine.
Bradley, don't blame you.

I think if you've both got the same surname it's not an issue, but if you don't, then it can be. Plus, OP, you did say "she get's his last name" like it was something you didn't want.
I'm married, but don't have the same name as DH. Our DD has got a surname that's a mix of the two (new word completely not just doublebarrelled), and I don't like that, would have sooner her had my surname (I've already had to tell doctor's that she's got a different name, and it's such an annoyance.), but we both had to compromise.

SparkySparrow · 22/02/2012 17:36

I think, at the end of the day, you wouldn't be having a baby without each other (takes two and all that ) . She is both of yours, not more one than she is the other.

Believe me you will both have to learn to compromise when she gets here (whether you like it or not) , have a practise and compromise on a name that you both like.

I will add, i didn't compleatly love the name we gave ds to start with, but it was the only bloody one we could agree on, so we went for it. I ADORE it now, he could not have been named anything else except trouble ! :)

lottiegb · 22/02/2012 18:41

Well, I've had names in my head for years (the disadvantage is that people keeping using them and most have become much more popular!) and DP hasn't but I encouraged him to write a list too, so we could look at both together.

Otherwise he'd have had the opportunity to comment on my choices, then propose his own, which would have disadvantaged me, as all my favourites might have been knocked out in one go - sounds like that's what's happened to you. So, I'd go with a fixed number each and discuss it. You both need to like it. It does sound as though your OH has been most annoying by agreeing, then changing his mind though.

TeWihara · 22/02/2012 19:00

We recently had a boy and couldn't agree on a name, my advice would be to come up with a short list put it aside and both just try not to talk about it until the baby arrives, once they're there you can have a few days trying out different names on them.

We found one name kept coming to mind when we talked about DS and registered him as that.

AThingInYourLife · 22/02/2012 19:13

A bit pointless to be urging compromise on someone who has been browbeaten into giving her baby her partner's surname AND told she can't carry on a family naming tradition for girls (for what reason?)

Don't let him write you out of this baby's name entirely.

Something should be your choice.

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